PRIVATE    LIBRARY 
OF 

CHARLES  A.  KOFOID. 


THE  LIBRARY 

OF 

THE  UNIVERSITY 

OF  CALIFORNIA 


PRESENTED  BY 

PROF.  CHARLES  A.  KOFOID  AND 

MRS.  PRUDENCE  W.  KOFOID 


THE   TRAVELS 


OP 


BAEON   MUNCHAUSEN. 


THE 


TRAVELS 


AND 


|ujr|ii|m»g  ^i{u^»tttP^s 


Baron    Munchausen 


NEW  YORK : 

AMEBICAN    BOOK    EXCHANGE, 

66  BEEKMAN  STREET. 

1879. 


19579 


TO    THE    PUBLIC 


iAVING  heard,  for  the  first  time,  that 
my  adventures  have  been  doubted, 
and  looked  upon  as  jokes,  I  feel  bound 
to  come  forward  and  vindicate  my  character  far 
veracity^  by  paying  three  shillings  at  the  Man- 
sion House  of  this  great  city  for  the  affidavits 
hereto  appended. 

This  I  have  been  forced  into  in  regard  of  my 
own  honor,  although  I  have  retired  for  many 
years  from  public  and  private  life ;  and  I  hope 
that  this,  my  last  edition,  will  place  rae  in  a  pro- 
per light  with  my  readers. 


(V) 


in^'j^  tz^nfytz. 


Vi  TO    THE   PUBLIC, 


We,  the  undersigned,  as  true  believers  in  the 
jirofit,  do  most  solemnly  affirm,  that  all  the 
adventures  of  our  friend  Baron  Munchausen,  in 
whatever  country  they  may  lie,  are  positive  and 
simple  facts.  And,  as  vre  have  been  believed, 
whose  adventures  are  tenfold  more  wonderful, 
so  do  we  hope  all  true  believers  will  give  him 
their  full  faith  and  credence. 

GULLIVER.  X 
SINBAD.        X 


ALADDIN.     X 


Sworn  at  the  Munsion  House 
9th  Nov.  last,  in  the  absence 
of  the  Lord  Mayor. 

JOHN  (the  Porter). 


INTRODUCTORY    NOTICE. 


0  many  different  opinions  have  obtained  re- 
specting the  authorship  of  "The  Travels  of 
Baron  Munchausen,"  and  the  motives  for  writ- 
ing that  work,  that  it  seems  desirable  to  append 
some  explanation  on  both  these  points  to  the  present 
edition. 

The  general  opinion  appears  to  be  that  expressed  by 
a  writer  in  Notes  and  Queries  (No.  68,  1851) :  " '  The 
Travels  of  Baron  Munchausen'  were  written  to  ridicule 
Bruce,  the  Abyssinian  traveller,  whose  adventures  were 
at  that  time  deemed  jQctitious."  But  the  writer  of  the 
above  article  offers  the  best  evidence  for  correcting  this 
opinion;  for  he  goes  on  to  say,  that  he  had  for  years 
sought  a  copy  of  the  work,  and  had  at  last  been  suc- 
cessful, and  describes  it  as  "the  second  edition,  consid- 
erably enlarged,  and  ornamented  with  twenty  explanatory 

(vii) 


viii  INTRODUCTORY  NOTICE, 

engraviDgs  from  original  designs,"  and  as  being  entitled 
^Gulliver  Revived;  or,  the  Vice  of  Lying  properly  exposed, 
printed  for  the  Kearsleys,  at  London,  1793/  "  He  also 
describes  a  second  volume,  "J.  Sequel  to  the  Adventures 
of  Baron  Munchausen,  a  new  edition,  with  twenty  capital 
copper-plates,  including  the  Baron's  portrait,  humbly 
dedicated  to  Mr.  Bruce,  the  Abyssinian  traveller,"  pub- 
lished by  Symonds,  Paternoster  Kow,  1796. 

Copies  of  both  these  volumes  are  in  the  British  Mu- 
seum, and  completely  clear  up  the  question.  "Gulliver 
Revived"  is  identical  in  every  respect  with  the  above 
described,  except 'that  it  is  called  the  seventh  edition 
instead  of  the  second.     The  full  title  runs — 

[THE  SEVENTH  EDITION, 

considerably  enlarged,  and  ornamented  with  twenty  explan- 
atory engravings  from  original  designs :] 

"GULLIVER  REVIVED; 

OR,  THE  Vice  of  Lying  properly  exposed  :  contain- 
ing Singular  Travels,  Campaigns,  Voyages  and 
Adventures  in  Russia,  the  Caspian  Sea,  Iceland, 
Turkey,  Egypt,  Gibraltar,  up  the  Mediterranean, 
on  the  Atlantic  Ocean,  and  through  the  centre 
of  Mount  ^tna,  into  the  South  Sea. 

"Also, 

An  account  of  a  Voyage  into  the  Moon  and  Dog-star,  with 
many  extraordinary  particulars   relating   to   the  cooking 


INTRODUCTORY  NOTICE.  ix 

animals   in    those   planets,   which    are    there    called    the 
Human  Species. 

By  BARON  MUNCHAUSEN. 

London :  Printed  for  C.  &  G.  Kearsley,  Fleet  Street, 
1793." 

The  preface  to  this  seventh  edition  says,  "The  first 
edition  was  comparatively  slow  in  sale,  but  the  whole 
of  the  subsequent  impressions  were  purchased  within  a 
short  time  after  they  were  printed.  This  seventh  edition 
contains  such  considerable  additions  that  it  may  be  fairly 
considered  as  a  new  work." 

We  thus  see  that  the  six  editions  (the  second  to  the 
seventh)  were  issued  in  1793,  but  as  the  plates  to  the 
seventh  edition  (and  doubtless  to  the  second  and  other 
editions)  bear  the  imprint,  "  Published  as  the  Act  directs, 
for  G.  Kearsley,  at  46,  in  Fleet  Street,  London,  1786,"  it 
becomes  evident  that  the  first  edition  was  issued  in  that 
year;  and  that  being  four  years  before  the  publication 
of  Bruce's  Travels,  which  appeared  in  1790,  the  work 
could  not  have  been  written  to  ridicule  them.  In  fact, 
recent  investigation  has  rendered  it  almost  a  certainty 
that  the  original  author  of  "  Munchausen's  Travels"  was  a 
learned  but  unprincipled  scholar,  of  the  name  of  R.  E. 
Raspe,  who  had  taken  refuge  in  this  country  from  the 
pursuit  of  justice  (vide  Gentleftnan^ s  Magazine^  January 
1857),  and  that  many  of  his  stories  are  of  ancient  date, 
and  current  in  various  countries.  Many  are  to  be  found 
under  the  title  of  "  Mendacia  Ridicula,"  in  vol.  iii.  of 
"Deliciffi  Academicae,"  Heilbron,  1665;  that  of  "sound 
being  frozen  in  a  post-horn"  is  from  Rabelais,  appears  to 


^  iNTRODVCTORY  NOTICE, 

have  been  known  also  in  Spain  and  Italy,  and  is  said  by 
a  writer  in  Notes  and  Queries  (No.  61,  1850)  to  be  trace- 
able to  one  of  the  later  Greek  writers,  from  whom  Jeremy 
Taylor,  in  one  of  his  sermons, .  borrows  it  as  an  illustra- 
tion; while  the  story  of  "the  horse  cut  in  two  by  the 
portcullis"  is  translated  by  Lady  C.  Guest,  in  "  The  Ma- 
binogion,"  from  an  ancient  Welsh  manuscript. 

This  being  the  case,"  it  may  reasonably  be  asked  how 
the  very  general  opinion  could  have  originated,  an  opinion 
entertained  by  Bruce  himself,  that  Munchausen  was 
written  to  ridicule  his  travels?  And  this  question  ap- 
pears to  derive  its  conclusive  reply  from  the  "Sequel" 
above  alluded  to,  of  which  the  first  edition  is  in  the  British 
Museum,  and  whose  title  runs  thus : — 

"  (With  20  capital  Copper-plates,  including  the  Baron's 
Portrait.) 

A 
SEQUEL 

TO   THE 

ADVENTURES 

OF 

BARON  MUNCHAUSEN, 

Humbly  dedicated  to  Mr.  Bruce,  the  Abyssinian  Tra- 
veller, as  the  Baron  conceives  that  it  may  be  of  some 
service  to  him,  previous  to  his  making  another  expedition 
into  Abyssinia.  But  if  this  advice  does  not  delight  Mr. 
Bruce,  the  Baron  is  willing  to  fight  him  on  any  terms  he 
pleases. 

LONDON : 

Printed  for  H.  D.  Symonds,  Paternoster  Row,  1792." 


INTRODUCTORY  NOTICE.  xi 

It  thus  appears  that,  though  the  original  work  was 
"  comparatively  slow  in  sale,"  a  new  impetus  was  given  to 
it  by  the  issue  of  this  "  Sequel"  shortly  after  the  publica- 
tion of  Bruce's  Travels,  and  by  the  direct  attack  its  title- 
page  and  general  contents — one  of  the  plates  being  "an 
African  feast  upon  live  bulls  and  kava — made  on  that 
work  ;*  that  consequently,  in  the  following  year,  1793,  six 
editions  were  required,  though  the  editor  makes  no  scruple 
of  saying  that  only  a  small  part,  viz.,  chapters  2,  3,  4,  5, 
6,  were  by  the  "Baron,"  and  the  rest  "the  production 
of  another  pen,  written  in  the  Baron's  manner."  It  being 
the  fashion  of  the  day  to  decry  and  caricature  Bruce  (though 
subsequent  inquiries  have  shown  he  was  a  very  truthful 
man),  his  revilers  compiled  "  The  Sequel  to  Munchausen" 
for  this  purpose,  and  made  use  of  this  almost  forgotten 

"  Gulliver  Revived  "  as  one  of  their  weapons  of  attack. 

. f 

*  The  Abyssinian  custom  of  feeding  upon  live  flesh  seems  to  have 
provoked  a  chorus  of  incredulity  from  all  quarters.  Among  others,  Peter 
Pindar  makes  it  the  subject  of  one  -of  his  satirical  flings  : — 

"Nor  have  I  been  where  men  (what  loss,  alas  !) 
Kill  half  a  cow,  then  send  the  rest  to  grass." 

Bruce  was  also  ridiculed  in  an  after-piece  acted  in  the  Haymarket,  in 
which  Bannister  performed  the  part  of  Macfable,  a  Scotch  travelling 
impostor,  and  the  hits  against  his  travels  could  not  be  mistaken. 

In  Sir  F.  Head's  Life  of  Bruce f  (page  476)  there  is  the  following 
anecdote  :  "  One  day,  while  ho  was  at  the  house  of  a  relation,  in  East 
Lothian,  a  gentleman  present  bluntly  observed  that  it  was  not  possible 
that  the  natives  of  Abyssinia  could  eat  raw  meat !  Bruce  said  not  a 
word ;  but,  leaving  the  room,  shortly  returned  from  the  kitchen  with  a 
piece  of  raw  beef-steak,  peppered  and  salted  in  the  Abyssinian  fashion. 
*  You  will  eat  that,  Sir,  or  fight  me!'  he  said.  When  the  gentleman  had 
earen  up  the  raw  flesh  (most  willingly  would  he  have  eaten  his  words 
instead),  Bruce  calmly  observed,  *  Now,  Sir,  you  will  never  again  say  it  ia 
iitipoasible.'  " 

t  Published  by  William  Tegg. 


CONTENTS 


CHAPTER  I. 


The  Baron  relates  an  account  of  his  first  Travels — The 
astonishing  effects  of  a  storm — Arrives  at  Ceylon  ;  com- 
bats and  conquers  two  extraordinary  opponents — Returns 
to  Holland Page  25 

CHAPTER  II. 

In  which  the  Baron  proves  himself  a  good  shot — He  loses 
his  horse,  and  finds  a  wolf — Makes  him  draw  his  sledge 
— Promises  to  entertain  his  company  with  a  relation 
of  such  facts  as  are  well  deserving  their  notice.        .     33 

CHAPTER  III. 

An  encounter  between  the  Baron's  nose  and  a  door-post, 
with  its  wonderful  effects — Fifty  brace  of  ducks  and 
other  fowl  destroyed  by  one  shot — Flogs  a  fox  out  of  his 
skin — Leads  an  old  sow  home  in  a  new  way,  and  van- 
quishes a  wild  boar. 38 

(xiii) 


xiv  CONTENTS, 

CHAPTER  IV. 

Reflections  on  Saint  Hubert's  stag — Shoots  a  stag  with 
cherry-stones ;  the  wonderful  effects  of  it — Kills  a  bear 
by  extraordinary  dexterity ;  his  danger  pathetically 
described — Attacked  by  a  wolf,  which  he  turns  inside 
out — Is  assailed  by  a  mad  dog,  from  which  he  escapes — 
The  Baron's  cloak  seized  with  madness,  by  which  his 
whole  wardrobe  is  thrown  into  confusion.         .         .     42 

CHAPTER  V. 

The  effects  of  great  activity  and  presence  of  mind — A 
favorite  hound  described,  which  pups  while  pursuing  a 
hare ;  the  hare  also  litters  while  pursued  by  the  hound — 
Presented  with  a  famous  horse  by  Count  Przobossky,  with 
which  he  performs  many  extraordinary  feats.  .     47 

CHAPTER  VI. 

The  Baron  is  made  a  prisoner  of  war,  and  sold  for  a  slave 
— Keeps  the  Sultan's  bees,  w^hich  are  attacked  by  two 
bears — Loses  one  of  his  bees ;  a  silver  hatchet,  which  he 
throws  at  the  bears,  rebounds  and  flies  up  to  the  Moon ; 
brings  it  back  by  an  ingenious  invention  ;  falls  to  the 
Earth  on  his  return,  and  helps  himself  out  of  a  pit — 
Extricates  himself  from  a  carriage,  which  meets  his  in  a 
narrow  road,  in  a  manner  never  before  attempted,  nor 
practised  since — The  wonderful  effects  of  the  frost  upon 
his  servant's  French  horn 55 

CHAPTER  VII. 

The  Baron  relates  his  adventures  on  a  voyage  to  North 
America,  which  are  well  worth  the  reader's  attention — 
Pranks  of  a  whale — A  sea-gull  saves  a  sailor's  life — The 
Baron's  head  forced  into  his  stomach — A  dangerous  leak 
stopped  d  ^os^mon.  .        .        .        .        .        .61 


CONTENTS,  XV 

CHAPTER  VIII. 

Bathes  in  the  Mediterranean — Meets  an  unexpected  com- 
panion— Arrives  unintentionally  in  the  regions  of  heat 
and  darkness,  from  which  he  is  extricated  by  dancing 
a  hornpipe — Frightens  his  deliverers,  and  returns  on 
shore.      .        .        .        .        .        .        .        .        .65 

CHAPTER  IX. 

Adventures  in  Turkey,  and  upon  the  river  Nile — Sees  a 
balloon  over  Constantinople;  shoots  at  and  brings  it 
down;  finds  a  French  experimental  philosopher  sus- 
pended from  it — Goes  on  an  embassy  to  Grand  Cairo, 
and  returns  upon  the  Nile,  where  he  is  thrown  into  an 
unexpected  situation,  and  detained  six  weeks.  .     68 

CHAPTER  X. 

Pays  a  visit,  during  the  siege  of  Gibraltar,  to  his  old  friend 
General  Elliot — Sinks  a  Spanish  man-of-war — Wakes  an 
old  woman  on  the  African  coast — Destroys  all  the  ene- 
my's cannon — Frightens  the  Count  d'Artois,  and  sends 
him  to  Paris — Saves  the  lives  of  two  English  spies  with 
the  identical  sling  that  killed  Goliath,  and  raises  the 
siege. 74 

CHAPTER  XI. 

An  interesting  account  of  the  Baron's  ancestors — A  quar- 
rel relative  to  the  spot  where  Noah  built  his  ark — The 
history  of  the  sling,  and  its  properties — A  favorite  poet 
introduced  upon  no  very  reputable  occasion — Queen 
Elizabeth's  abstinence — The  Baron's  father  crosses  from 
England  to  Holland  upon  a  marine  horse,  which  he  sells 
for  seven  hundred  ducats 82 


:^vi  CONTENTS, 

CHAPTER  XII. 

The  frolic;  its  consequences — Windsor  Castle — St.  Paul's 
— College  of  Physicians — Undertakers,  sextons,  &c.,  al- 
most ruined — Industry  of  the  apothecaries.      .         .     ^Q 

CHAPTER  XIII. 

The  Baron  sails  with  Captain  Phipps,  attacks  two  large 
bears,  and  has  a  very  narrow  escape — Gains  the  confi- 
dence of  these  animals,  and  .then  destroys  thousands  of 
them ;  loads  the  ship  with  their  hams  and  skins  ;  makes 
presents  of  the  former,  and  obtains  a  general  invitation 
to  all  city  feasts — A  dispute  between  the  captain  and  the 
Baron,  in  which,  from  motives  of  politeness,  the  captain 
is  suffered  to  gain  his  point — The  Baron  declines  the 
honor  of  a  throne,  and  an  empress  into  the  bargain.     89 

CHAPTER  XIV. 
Our  Baron  excels  Baron  Tott  beyond  all  comparison,  yet 
fails  in  part  of  his  attempt — Gets  into  disgrace  with  the 
Grand  Seignior,  who  orders  his  head  to  be  cut  off — 
Escapes,  and  gets  on  board  a  vessel,  in  which  he  is  car- 
ried to  Venice — Baron  Tott's  origin,  with  some  account 
of  that  great  man's  parents — Pope  Ganganelli's  amour 
— His  Holiness  fond  of  shell-fish 96 

CHAPTER  XV. 
A  further  account  of  the  journey  from  Harwich  to  Hel- 
voetsluys — Description  of  a  number  of  marine  objects 
never  mentioned  by  any  traveller  before — Rocks  seen  in 
this  passage  equal  to  the  Alps  in  magnitude;  lobsters, 
crabs,  &c.,  of  an  extraordinary  magnitude — A  woman's 
life  saved — The  cause  of  her  falling  into  the  sea — Dr. 
Hawes's  directions  followed  with  success.  .         .  103 


CONTENTS,  xvii 

CHAPTER  XVI. 

This  is  a  very  short  chapter,  but  contains  a  fact  for  which 
the  Baron's  memory  ought  to  be  dear  to  every  English- 
man, especially  those  who  may  hereafter  have  the  mis- 
fortune of  being  made  prisoners  of  war.  .         .108 

CHAPTER  XVII. 

Voyage  eastward — The  Baron  introduces  a  friend  who  never 
deceived  him  ;  wins  a  hundred  guineas  by  pinning  his 
faith  upon  that  friend's  nose — Game  started  at  sea — 
Some  other  circumstances  which  will,  it  is  hoped,  afford 
the  reader  no  small ^egree  of  amusement.        .         .110 

CHAPTER  XVIII. 

A  second  visit  (but  an  accidental  one)  to  the  Moon — The 
ship  driven  by  a  whirlwind  a  thousand  leagues  above  the 
surface  of  the  water,  where  a  new  atmosphere  meets  them 
and  carries  them  into  a  capacious  harbor  in  the  Moon — 
A  description  of  the  inhabitants,  and  their  manner  of 
coming  into  the  lunarian  world — Animals,  customs,  weap- 
ons of  war,  wine,  vegetables,  &c.      .  .        .114 

CHAPTER  XIX. 

The  Baron  crosses  the  Thames  without  the  assistance  of  a 

bridge,  ship,  boat,  balloon  or  even  his  own  will :  rouses 

himself  after  a  long  nap,  and  destroys  a  monster  who 

lived  upon  the  destruction  of  others.        .         .         .121 

CHAPTER  XX. 
The  Baron  slips  through  the  world  ;  after  paying  a  visit  to 
Mount  Etna  he  finds  himself  in  the  South  Sea;  visits 
Vulcan  in  his  passage;  gets  on  board  a  Dutchman  ;* ar- 
rives at  an  island  of  cheese,  surrounded  by  a  sea  of  milk ; 

2 


xviii  CONTENTS. 

describes  some  very  extraordinary  objects — Lose  their 
compass ;  their  ship  slips  between  the  teeth  of  a  fish  un- 
known in  this  part  of  the  world  ;  their  difficulty  in  escap- 
ing from  thence ;  arrive  in  the  Caspian  Sea — Starves  a 
bear  to  death — A  few  waistcoat  anecdotes — In  this  chap- 
ter, which  is  the  longest,  the  Baron  moralizes  upon  the 
virtue  of  veracity. 123 

SUPPLEMENT. 

Extraordinary  flight  on  the  back  of  an  eagle,  over  France 
to  Gibraltar,  South  and  North.  America,  the  Polar 
Regions  and  back  to  England,  within  six-and-thirty 
hours. 143 


Preface  to  the  Second  Volume 161 

CPIAPTER  XXL 

The  Baron  insists  on  the  veracity  of  his  former  Memoirs — 
Forms  a  design  of  making  discoveries  in  the  interior  parts 
of  Africa — His  discourse  with  Hilaro  Frosticos  about  it 
— His  conversation  with  Lady  Fragrantia — The  Baron 
goes,  with  other  persons  of  distinction,  to  Court ;  relates 
an  anecdote  of  the  Marquis  de  Bellecourt.       ,        .167 

CHAPTER  XXII. 

Preparations  for  the  Baron's  expedition  into  Africa — De- 
scription of  his  chariot ;  the  beauties  of  its  interior  deco- 
rations ;  the  animals  that  drew  it,  and  the  mechanism  of 
the  wheels 176 


CONTENTS.  xix 

CHAPTER  XXIII. 

The  Baron  proceeds  on  his  voyage — Convoys  a  squadron 
to  Gibraltar — Declines  the  acceptance  of  the  Island  of 
Candia — His  chariot  damaged  by  Pompey's  Pillar  and 
Cleopatra's  Needle — The  Baron  out-does  Alexander — 
Breaks  his  chariot,  and  splits  a  great  rock  at  the  Cape 
of  Good  Hope 181 

CHAPTER  XXIV. 

The  Baron  secures  his  chariot,  &c.,  at  the  Cape  and  takes 
his  passage  for  England  in  a  homeward-bound  Indiaman 
— Wrecked  upon  an  island  of  ice,  near  the  coast  of 
Guinea — Escapes  from  the  wreck,  and  rears  a  variety  of 
vegetables  upon  the  island— Meets  some  vessels  belonging 
to  the  negroes  bringing  white  slaves  from  Europe,  in 
retaliation,  to  work  upon  their  plantations  in  a  cold  cli- 
mate near  the  South  Pole — Arrives  in  England  and  lays 
an  account  of  his  expedition  before  the  Privy  Council — 
Great  preparations  for  a  new  expedition — The  Sphinx^ 
Gog  and  Magog,  and  a  great  company  attend  him — The 
ideas  of  Hilaro  Frosticos  respecting  the  interior  parts  of 
Africa 188 

CHAPTER  XXV. 

Count  Gosamer  thrown  by  Sphinx  into  the  snow  on  the  top 
of  TenerifFe — Gog  and  Magog  conduct  Sphinx  for  the 
rest  of  the  voyage — The  Baron  arrives  at  the  Cape,  and 
unites  his  former  chariot,  &c.,  to  his  new  retinue — Passes 
into  Africa,  proceeding  from  the  Cape  northwards — De- 
feats a  host  of  lions,  by  a  curious  stratagem — Travels 
through  an  immense  desert — His  whole  company,  chariot, 
&c.,  overwhelmed  by  a  whirlwind  of  sand — Extricates 
them,  and  arrives  in  a  fertile  country.      .        .        .  197 


XX  CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER  XXVI. 

A  feast  on  live  bulls  and  kava — The  inhabitants  admire 
the  European  adventurers — The  Emperor  comes  to  meet 
the  Baron,  and  pays  him  great  compliments — The  inhab- 
itants of  the  centre  of  Africa  descended  from  the  people 
of  the  Moon,  proved  by  an  inscription  in  Africa,  and  by 
the  analogy  of  their  language,  which  is  also  the  same 
with  that  of  the  ancient  Scythians— The  Baron  is  de- 
clared sovereign  of  the  interior  of  Africa  on  the  decease 
of  the  Emperor — He  endeavors  to  abolish  the  custom  of 
eating  live  bulls,  which  excites  much  discontent — The 
advice  of  Hilaro  Frosticos  upon  the  occasion — The  Baron 
makes  a  speech  to  an  Assembly  of  the  States,  which  only 
excites  greater  murmurs — He  consults  with  Hilaro  Fros- 
ticos.  208 

CHAPTER  XXVII. 

A  proclamation  by  the  Baron — Excessive  curiosity  of  the 
people  to  know  what  fudge  was — The  people  in  a  general 
ferment  about  it — They  break  open  all  the  granaries  in 
the  empire — The  affections  of  the  people  conciliated — An 
ode  performed  in  honor  of  the  Baron — His  discourse 
with  Fragrantia  on  the  excellence  of  the  music.       .  220 

CHAPTER  XXVIII. 

The  Baron  sets  all  the  people  of  the  empire  to  work  to  build 
a  bridge  from  their  country  to  Great  Britain — His  con- 
trivance to  render  the  arch  secure — Orders  an  inscription 
to  be  engraved  on  the  bridge — Returns  with  all  his  com- 
pany, chariot,  &c.,  to  England — Surveys  the  kingdoms 
and  nations  under  him  from  the  middle  of  the  bridge.  227 


CONTENTS,  xxi 

CHAPTER  XXIX. 

The  Baron's  retinue  is  opposed  in  a  heroic  style  by  Don 
Quixote,  who  in  his  turn  is  attacked  by  Gog  and  Ma- 
gog— Lord  Whittington,  with  the  Lord  Mayor's  show, 
comes  to  the  assistance  of  Don  Quixote — Gog  and  Magog 
assail  his  Lordship — Lord  Whittington  makes  a  speech, 
and  deludes  Gog  and  Magog  to  his  party — A  general 
scene  of  uproar  and  battle  among  the  company,  until 
the  Baron,  with  great  presence  of  mind,  appeases  the 
tumult 233 

CHAPTER  XXX. 

The  Baron  arrives  in  England — The  Colossus  of  Rhodes 
comes  to  congratulate  him — Great  rejoicings  on  the  Bar- 
on's return,  and  a  tremendous  concert — The  Baron's  dis- 
course with  Fragrantia,  and  her  opinion  of  the  Tour  to 
the  Hebrides 242 

CHAPTER  XXXI. 

A  litigated  contention  between  Don  Quixote,  Gog,  Magog, 
&c. — A  grand  court  assembled  upon  it — The  appearance 
of  the  company — The  matrons,  judges,  &c. — The  method 
of  writing,  and  the  use  of  the  fashionable  amusement 
quizzes — Wauwau  arrives  from  the  country  of  Prester 
John,  and  leads  the  whole  Assembly  a  wild-goose  chase 
to  the  top  of  Plinlimmon,  and  thence  to  Virginia — The 
Baron  meets  a  floating  island  in  his  voyage  to  America 
— Pursues  Wauwau  with  his  whole  company  through  the 
deserts  of  North  America — His  curious  contrivance  to 
seize  Wauwau  in  a  morass 247 


xxii  CONTENTS, 

CHAPTER  XXXII. 

The  Baron  harangues  the  company,  and  they  continue  the 
pursuit — The  Baron,  wandering  from  his  retinue,  is  taken 
by  the  savages,  scalped  and  tied  to  a  stake  to  be  roasted, 
but  he  contrives  to  extricate  himself,  and  kills  the  sav- 
ages— The  Baron  travels  overJand  through  the  forests 
of  North  America  to  the  confines  of  Russia — Arrives  at 
the  castle  of  the  Nareskin  Rowskimowmowsky,  and  gal- 
lops into  the  kingdom  of  Loggerheads— A  battle,  in 
which  the.  Baron  fights  the  Nareskin  in  single  combat, 
and  generously  gives  him  his  life — Arrives  at  the  Friendly 
Islands  and  discourses  with  Omai — The  Baron,  with  all 
his  attendants,  goes  from  Otaheite  to  the  Isthmus  of 
Darien,  and  having  cut  a  canal  across  the  Isthmus,  re- 
turns to  England ,.         .         .  256 

CHAPTER  XXXIII. 

The  Baron  goes  to  Petersburg  and  converses  with  the 
Empress — Persuades  the  Russians  and  Turks  to  cease 
cutting  one  another's  throats,  and  in  concert  cut  a  canal 
across  the  Isthmus  of  Suez — The  Baron  discovers  the 
Alexandrine  Library,  and  meets  with  Hermes  Trisme- 
gistus — Besieges  Seringapatam,  and  challenges  Tippoo 
Saib  to  single  combat — They  fight — The  Baron  receives 
some  wounds  on  his  face,  but  at  length  vanquishes  the 
tyrant — The  Baron  returns  to  Europe,  and  raises  the 
hull  of  the  Royal  George 268 

CHAPTER  XXXIV. 

The  Baron  makes  a  speech  to  the  National  Assembly  and 
drives  out  all  the  members — Routs  the  fishwomen  and 


CONTENTS. 


XXlll 


the  National  Guards — Pursues  the  whole  rout  into  a 
church,  where  he  defeats  the  National  Assembly,  &c., 
with  Kousseau,  Voltaire  and  Beelzebub  at  their  head, 
and  liberates  Marie  Antoinette  and  the  Royal  Fam- 
ily. .        .        .  ■     .        .        .        .        .        .278 


TRAYELS 


OP 


BAEON  MUNCHAUSEN. 


CHAPTER  I. 

\_TJie  Baron  is  supposed  to  relate  these  adventures 
to  his  friends  over  a  hottle.'] 

The  Baron  relates  an  account  of  his  first  Travels — The  as- 
tonishing effects  of  a  storm — Arrives  at  Ceylon ;  com- 
bats and  conquers  two  extraordinary  opponents — Returns 
to  Holland. 

OME  years  before  my  beard  announced 
approaching  manhood,  or,  in  other 
words,  when  I  was  neither  man  nor 
boy,  but  between  both,  I  expressed  in  repeated 
conversations  a  strong  desire  of  seeing  the  world, 

(25) 


26  ORIGINAL     TRAVELS     OF 

from  which  I  was  discouraged  by  my  parents, 
though  my  father  had  been  no  inconsiderable  trav- 
eller himself,  as  will  appear  before  I  have  reached 
the  end  of  my  singular  and,  I  may  add,  interest- 
ing adventures.  A  cousin,  by  my  mother's  side, 
took  a  liking  to  me,  often  said  I  w^as  a  fine  forward 
youth,  and  w^as  much  inclined  to  gratify  my 
curiosity.  His  eloquence  had  more  effect  than 
mine,  for  my  father  consented  to  my  accompany- 
ing him  in  a  voyage  to  the  island  of  Ceylon, 
where  his  uncle  had  resided  as  governor  many 
years. 

We  sailed  from  Amsterdam  with  despatches 
from  their  High  Mightinesses  the  States  of  Hol- 
land. The  only  circumstance  which  happened 
on  our  voyage  worth  relating  was  the  wonderful 
effects  of  a  storm,  which  had  torn  up  by  the  roots 
a  great  number  of  trees  of  enormous  bulk  and 
height,  in  an  island  where  we  lay  at  anchor  to 
take  in  wood  and  water ;  some  of  these  trees 
w^eighed  many  tons,  yet  they  were  carried  by  the 
wind  so  amazingly  high,  that  they  appeared  like 
the  feathers  of  small  birds  floating  in  the  air,  for 
they  were  at  least  five  miles  above  the  earth  : 
however,  as  soon  as  the  storm  subsided  they  all 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  27 

fell  perpendicularly  into  their  respective  places, 
and  took  root  again,  except  the  largest,  which 
happened,  when  it  was  blown  into  the  air,  to 
have  a  man  and  his  wife,  a  very  honest  old 
couple,  upon  its  branches,  gathering  cucumbers 
(in  this  part  of  the  globe  that  useful  vegetable 
grows  upon  trees)  :  the  weight  of  this  couple, 
as  the  tree  descended,  over-balanced  the  trunk, 
and  brought  it  down  in  a  horizontal  position  :  it 
fell  upon  the  chief  man  of  the  island,  and  killed 
him  on  the  spot ;  he  had  quitted  his  house  in 
the  storm,  under  an  apprehension  of  its  falling 
upon  him,  and  was  returning  through  his  own 
garden  when  this  fortunate  accident  happened. 
The  word  fortunate,  here,  requires  some  expla- 
nation. This  chief  was  a  man  of  a  very  avari- 
cious and  oppressive  disposition,  and  though  he 
had  no  family,  the  natives  of  the  island  were 
half-starved  by  his  oppressive  and  infamous  im- 
positions. 

The  very  goods  which  he  had  thus  taken  from 
them  were  spoiling  in  his  stores,  while  the  poor 
wretches  from  whom  they  were  plundered  were 
pining  in  poverty.  Though  the  destruction  of 
this  tyrant  was  accidental,  the  people  chose  the 


28  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

cucumber-gatherers  for  their  governors,  as  a  mark 
of  their  gratitude  for  destroying,  though  accident- 
ally, their  late  tyrant. 

After  we  had  repaired  the  damages  we  sus- 
tained in  this  remarkable  storm,  and  taken  leave 
of  the  new  governor  and  his  lady,  we  sailed 
with  a  fair  wind  for  the  object  of  our  voyage. 

In  about  six  weeks  we  arrived  at  Ceylon, 
where  we  were  received  with  great  marks  of 
friendship  and  true  politeness.  The  following 
singular  adventures  may  not  prove  unentertain- 
ing. 

After  we  had  resided  at  Ceylon  about  a  fort- 
night I  accompanied  one  of  the  governor's  broth- 
ers upon  a  shooting  party.  He  was  a  strong, 
athletic  man,  and  being  used  to  that  climate  (for 
he  had  resided  there  some  years),  he  bore  the 
violent  heat  of  the  sun  much  better  than  I  could  ; 
in  our  excursion  he  had  made  a  considerable  pro- 
gress through  a  thick  wood  when  1  was  only  at 
the  entrance. 

Near  the  banks  of  a  large  piece  of  water,  which 
had  engaged  my  attention,  I  thought  I  heard  a 
rustling  noise  behind;  on  turning  about  I  was 
almost  petrified  (as  who  would  not  be  ?)  at  the 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  29 

sight  of  a  lion,  which  was  evidently  approaching 
with  the  intention  of  satisfying  his  appetite  with 
my  poor  carcase,  and  that  without  asking  my 
consent.  What  was  to  be  done  in  this  horrible 
dilemma  ?  I  had  not  even  a  moment  for  reflec- 
tion ;  my  piece  was  only  charged  with  swan-shot, 
and  I  had  no  other  about  me ;  however,  though 
I  could  have  no  jdea  of  killing  such  an  animal 
with  that  weak  kind  of  ammunition,  yet  I  had 
some  hopes  of  frightening  him  by  the  report,  and 
perhaps  of  wounding  him  also.  I  immediately^ 
let  fly,  without  waiting  till  he  was  within  reach, 
and  the  report  did  but  enrage  him,  for  he  now 
quickened  his  pace,  and  seemed  to  approach  me 
full  speed  :  I  attempted  to  escape,  but  that  only 
added  (if  an  addition  could  be  made)  to  my  dis- 
tress ;  for  the  moment  I  turned  about  I  found  a 
large  crocodile,  with  his  mouth  extended  almost 
ready  to  receive  me.  On  my  right  hand  was  the 
piece  of  water  before  mentioned,  and  on  my  left 
a  deep  precipice,  said  to  have,  as  I  have  since 
learned,  a  receptacle  at  the  bottom  for  venomous 
creatures ;  in  short,  I  gave  myself  up  as  lost,  for 
the  lion  was  now  upon  his  hind  legs,  just  in  the 
act  of  seizing  me;    I  fell  involuntarily  to  the 


30  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

ground  with  fear,  and,  as  it  afterwards  appeared, 
he  sprang  over  me.     I  lay  some  time  in  a  situa- 
tion which  no  language  can  describe,  expecting 
to  feel  his  teeth  or  talons  in  some  part  of  me 
every  moment :    after  waiting  in  this  prostrate 
situation  a  few  seconds    I  heard  a  violent  but 
unusual  noise,  different  from  any  sound  that  had 
ever  before  assailed  my  ears ;.  'nor  is  it  at  all  to 
be  wondered  at,  when  I  inform  you  from  whence 
it   proceeded :    after   listening  for  some  time,  I 
.ventured  to  raise  my  head  and  look  round,  when, 
to  my  unspeakable  joy^  I  perceived  the  lion  had, 
by  the  eagerness  with  which  he  sprung  at  me, 
jumped   forward   as  I  fell,  into  the  crocodile's 
mouth !    which,    as   before  observed,   was  wide 
open ;    the  head  of  the  one  stuck  in  the  throat 
of  the  other !  and  they  were  struggling  to  extri- 
cate themselves !     I  fortunately  recollected  my 
couteau  de  cJiasse^  which  was  by  my  side ;  with 
this  instrument  I  severed  the  lion's  head  at  one 
blow,  and  the  body  fell  at  my  feet !  I  then,  with 
the  butt-end  of  my  fowling  piece,  rammed  the 
head  farther  into  the  throat  of  the  crocodile,  and 
destroyed  him  by  suffocation,  for  he  could  neither 
gorge  nor  eject  it. 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  31 

Soon  after  I  had  thus  gained  a  complete  vic- 
tory over  my  two  powerful  adversaries  my  com- 
panion arrived  in  search  of  me;  for  finding  I 
did  not  follow  him  into  the  wood,  he  returned, 
apprehending  I  had  lost  my  way,  or  met  with 
some  accident. 

After  mutual  congratulations,  we  measured  the 
crocodile,  which  was  just  forty  feet  in  length. 

As  soon  as  we  had  related  this  extraordinary 
adventure  to  the  governor,  he  sent  a  wagon  and 
servants,  who  brought  home  the  two  carcases. 
The  lion's  skin  was  propprly  preserved,  with  its 
hair  on,  after  which  it  was  made  into  tobacco- 
pquches,  and  presented  by  me,  upon  our  return 
to  Holland,  to  the  burgomasters,  who,  in  return, 
requested  my  acceptance  of  a  thousand  ducats. 

The  skin  of  the  crocodile  was  stufied  in  the 
usual  manner,  and  makes  a  capital  article  in 
their  public  museum  at  Amsterdam,  where  the 
exhibitQX'  relates  the  whole  story  to  each  specta- 
tor, with  such  additions  as  he  thinks  proper. 
Some  of  his  variations  are  rather  extravagant; 
one  of  them  is,  that  the  lion  jumped  quite 
through  the  crocodile,  and  was  making  his  es- 
cape at  the  back  door,  when,  as  soon  as  his  head 


32  BAR  OK  MUNCHAUSEN. 

appeared,  Monsieur  the  Great  Baron  (as  he  is 
pleased  to  call  me)  cut  it  off,  and  three  feet  of 
the  crocodile's  tail  along  with  it ;  nay,  so  little 
attention  has  this  fellow  to  the  truth,  that  he 
sometimes  adds,  as  soon  as  the  crocodile  missed 
his  tail,  he  turned  about,  snatched  the  couteau  de 
chasse  out  of  Monsieur's  hand,  and  swallowed  it 
with  such  eagerness  that  it  pierced  his  heart  and 
killed  him  immediately ! 

The  little  regard  which  this  impudent  knave 
has  to  veracity  makes  me  sometimes  apprehen- 
sive that  my  real  facts  may  fall  under  suspicion, 
by  being  found  in  company  with  his  confounded 
inventions.  * 


CHAPTER  II. 


In  which  the  Baron  proves  himself  a  good  shot — He  loses 
his  horse,  and  finds  a  wolf — Makes  him  draw  his  sledge 
— Promises  to  entertain  his  company  with  a  relation  of 
such  facts  as  are  well  deserving  their  notice. 

SET  off  from  Rome  on  a  journey  to 
Russia,  in  the  midst  of  winter,  from  a 
just  notion  that  frost  and  snow  must 
of  course  mend  the  roads,  which  every  traveller 
had  described  as  uncommonly  bad  through  the 
northern  parts  of  Germany^  Poland,  Courland 
and  Livonia.  I  went  on  horseback,  as  the  most 
convenient  manner  of  travelling;  I  was  but 
lightly  clothed,  and  of  this  I  felt  the  incon- 
venience the  more  I  advanced  northeast.  What 
3  (33) 


34  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

must  not  a  poor  old  man  have  suffered  in  that 
severe  weather  and  climate,  whom  I  saw  on  a 
bleak  common  in  Poland,  lying  on  the  road, 
helpless,  shivering  and  hardly  having  where- 
withal to  cover  his  nakedness  ?  I  pitied  the 
poor  soul :  though  I  felt  the  severity  of  the  air 
myself,  I  threw  my  mantle  over  him,  and  imme- 
diately I  heard  a  voice  from  the  heavens,  bless- 
ing me  for  that  piece  of  charity,  saying, 

"  You  will  be  rewarded,  my  son,  for  this  in 
time." 

I  went  on  :  night  and  darkness  overtook  me. 
No  village  was  to  be  seen.  The  country  was 
covered  with  snow,  and  I  was  unacquainted 
with  the  road. 

Tired,  I  alighted,  and  fastened  my  horse  to 
something  like  a  pointed  stump  of  a  tree,  which 
appeared  above  the  snow ;  for  the  sake  of  safety 
I  placed  my  pistols  under  my  arm,  and  laid 
down  on  the  snow,  where  I  slept  so  soundly 
that  I  did  not  open  my  eyes  till  full  daylight. 
It  is  not  easy  to  conceive  my  astonishment  to 
find  myself  in  the  midst  of  a  village,  lying  in  a 
churchyard ;  nor  was  my  horse  to  be  seen,  but  I 
heard   him   soon    after  neigh  somewhere  above 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  35 

me.  On  looking  upwards  I  beheld  him  hanging 
by  his  bridle  to  the  weather-cock  of  the  steeple. 
Matters  were  not  very  plain  to  me :  the  village 
had  been  covered  with  snow  overnight;  a 
sudden  change  of  weather  had  taken  place ;  I 
had  sunk  down  to  the  churchyard  whilst  asleep, 
gently,  and  in  the  same  proportion  as  the  snow 
had  melted  away ;  and  what  in  the  dark  I  had 
taken  to  be  a  stump  of  a  little  tree  appearing 
above  the  snow,  to  which  I  had  tied  my  horse, 
proved  to  have  been  the  cross  or  weather-cock 
of  the  steeple ! 

Without  long  consideration  I  took  one  of  my 
pistols,  shot  the  bridle  in  two,  brought  down  the 
horse,  and  proceeded  on  my  journey.  [Here  the 
Baron  seems  to  have  forgot  his  feelings ;  he 
should  certainly  have  ordered  his  horse  a  feed  of 
corn,  after  fasting  so  long.] 

He  carried  me  well — advancing  into  the  inte- 
rior parts  of  Russia.  I"  found  travelling  on 
horseback  rather  unfiishionable  in  winter,  there- 
fore I  submitted,  as  I  always  do,  to  the  custom 
of  the  country,  took  a  single  horse  sledge,  and 
drove  briskly  towards  St.  Petersburg.  I  do  not 
exactly  recollect  whether  it  was  in  Eastland  or 


36  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS   OF 

Jugemanland,  but  I  remember  that  in  the  midst 
of  a  dreary  forest  I  spied  a  terrible  wolf  making 
after  me,  with  all  the  speed  of  ravenous  winter 
hunger.  He  soon  overtook  me.  There  was  no 
possibility  of  escape.  Mechanically  I  laid  my- 
self down  flat  in  the  sledge,  and  let  my  horse 
run  for  our  safety.  What  I  wished,  but  hardly 
hoped  or  expected,  happened  immediately  after. 
The  wolf  did  not  mind  me  in  the  least,  but  took 
a  leap  over  me,  and  falling  furiously  on  the 
horse,  began  instantly  to  tear  and  devour  the 
hind-part  of  the  poor  animal,  w^hich  ran  the 
faster  for  his  pain  and  terror.  Thus  unnoticed 
and  safe  myself,  I  lifted  my  head  slyly  up,  and 
with  horror  I  beheld  that  the  wolf  had  ate  his 
way  into  the  horse's  body ;  it  was  not  long 
before  he  had  fairly  forced  himself  into  it,  when 
I  took  my  advantage,  and  fell  upon  him  with 
the  butt-end  of  my  whip.  This  unexpected  at- 
tack in  his  rear  frightened  him  so  much,  that  he 
leaped  forward  with  all  his  might:  the  horse's 
carcase  dropped  on  the  ground,  but  in  his  place 
the  wolf  was  in  the  harness,  and  I  on  my  part 
whipping  him  continually :  we  both  arrived  in 
full  career  safe  to  St.  Petersburg,  contrary  to  our 


BARON  MUKCHA  USEN.  37 

respective  expectations,  and  very  much  to  the 
astonishment  of  the  spectators. 

I  shall  not  tire  yon,  gentlemen,  with  the 
politics,  arts,  sciences  and  history  of  this  mag- 
nificent metropolis  of  Russia,  nor  trouble  you 
with  the  various  intrigues  and  pleasant  adven- 
tures I  had  in  the  politer  circles  of  that  country, 
where  the  lady  of  the  house  always  receives  the 
visitor  with  a  dram  and  a  salute.  I  shall  con- 
fine myself  rather  to  the  greater  and  nobler 
objects  of  your  attention,  horses  and  dogs,  my 
favorites  in  the  brute  creation ;  also  to  foxes, 
wolves  and  bears,  with  which,  and  game  in  gen- 
eral, Russia  abounds  more  than  any  other  part 
of  the  world  ;  and  to  such  sports,  manly  exer- 
cises, and  feats  of  gahantry  and  activity,  as  show 
the  gentleman  better  than  musty  Greek  or 
Latin,  or  all  the  perfume,  finery  and  capers  of 
French  wits  or  petit-maitres. 


CHAPTER  III. 

An  encounter  between  the  Baron's  nose  and  a  door-post, 
with  its  wonderful  effect — Fifty  brace  of  ducks  and 
other  fowl  destroyed  by  one  shot — Flogs  a  fox  out  of 
his  skin — Leads  an  old  sow  home  in  a  new  way,  and 
vanquishes  a  wild  boar. 

OE.  several  months  (as  it  was  some 
time  before  I  could  obtain  a  commis- 
sion in  the  army)  I  was  perfectly  at 
liberty  to  sport  away  my  time  and  money  in  the 
most  gentleman-like  manner.  You  may  easily 
imagine  that  I  spent  much  of  both  out  of  town 
with  such  gallant  fellows  as  knew  how  to  make 
the  most  of  an  open  forest  country.  The  very 
recollection  of  those  amusements  gives  me  fresh 
spirits,  and  creates  a  warm  wish  for  a  repetition 
of  them.  One  morning  I  saw,  through  the 
windows  of  my  bed-room,  that  a  large  pond  not 
far  off  was  covered   with   wild   ducks.     In   an 

(38) 


BA  R  ON  M  UNO  HA  USEN,  39 

instant  I  took  my  gun  from  the  corner,  ran 
down  stairs  and  out  of  the  house  in  such  a  hurry 
that  I  imprudently  struck  my  face  against  the 
door-post.  Fire  flew  out  of  my  eyes,  but  it  did 
not  prevent  my  intention ;  I  soon  came  within 
shot,  when,  levelling  my  piece,  I  observed  to  my 
sorrow,  that  even  the  flint  had  sprung  from  the 
cock  by  the  violence  of  the  shock  I  had  just  re- 
ceived. There  was  no  time  to  be  lost.  I  pre- 
sently remembered  the  eflect  it  had  on  my  eyes, 
therefore  opened  the  pan,  levelled  my  piece 
against  the  wild  fowls,  and  my  fist  against  one 
of  my  eyes.  [The  Baron's  eyes  have  retained 
fire  ever  since,  and  appear  particularly  illumi- 
nated when  he  relates  this  anecdote.]  A  hearty 
blow  drew  sparks  again;  the  shot  went  off,  and 
I  killed  fifty  brace  of  ducks,  twenty  widgeons, 
and  three  couple  of  teals. 

Presence  of  mind  is  the  soul  of  manly  exer- 
cises. If  soldiers  and  sailors  owe  to  it  many  of 
their  lucky  escapes,  hunters  and  sportsmen  are 
not  less  beholden  to  it  for  many  of  their  suc- 
cesses. In  a  noble  forest  in  Russia  I  met  a  fine 
black  fox,  whose  valuable  skin  it  would  have 
been  a  pity  to  tear   by  ball  or  shot.     Reynard. 


40  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

stood  close  to  a  tree.  In  a  twinkling  I  took  out 
my  ball,  and  placed  a  good  spike-nail  in  its  room, 
fired,  and  hit  him  so  cleverly  that  I  nailed  his 
brush  fast  to  the  tree.  I  now  went  up  to  him, 
took  out  my  hanger,  gave  him  a  cross-cut  over 
the  face,  laid  hold  of  my  whip,  and  fairly  flogged 
him  out  of  his  fine  skin. 

Chance  and  good  luck  often  correct  our  mis- 
takes; of  this  I  had  a  singular  instance  soon 
after,  when,  in  the  depth  of  a  forest,  I  saw  a 
wild  pig  and  sow  running  close  behind  each 
other.  My  ball  had  missed  them,  yet  the  fore- 
most pig  only  ran  away,  and  the  sow  stood 
motionless,  as  fixed  to  the  ground.  On  examin- 
ing into  the  matter,  I  found  the  latter  one  to  be 
an  old  sow,  blind  with  age,  which  had  taken 
hold  of  her  pig's  tail,  in  order  to  be  led  along  by 
filial  duty.  My  ball,  having  passed  between  the 
two,  had  cut  his  leading-string,  which  the  old 
sow  continued  to  hold  in  her  mouth ;  and  as  her 
former  guide  did  not  draw  her  on  any  longer, 
she  had  stopped  of  course ;  I  therefore  laid  hold 
of  the  remaining  end  of  the  pig's  tail,  and  led 
the  old  beast  home  without  any  farther  trouble 
on  my  part,  and  without  any  reluctance  or  ap- 


BARON  MUNCHA  USEK.  41 

prehension    on   the    part    of   the    helpless    old 
animal. 

Terrible  as  these  wild  sows*  are,  yet  more 
fierce  and  dangerous  are  the  boars,  one  of  which 
I  had  once  the  misfortune  to  meet  in  a  forest, 
unprepared  for  attack  or  defence.  I  retired 
behind  an  oak-tree  just  when  the  furious  animal 
levelled  a  side-blow  at  me,  wuth  such  force,  that 
his  tusks  pierced  through  the  tree,  by  which 
means  he  could  neither  repeat  the  blow  nor  re- 
tire. Ho,  ho  !  thought  I,  I  shall  soon  have  you 
now !  and  immediately  I  laid  hold  of  a  stone, 
wherewith  I  hammered  and  bent  his  tusks  in 
such  a  manner,  that  he  could  not  retreat  by  any 
means,  and  must  wait  my  return  from  the  next 
village,  whither  I  went  for  ropes  and  a  cart,  to 
secure  him  properly,  and  to  carry  him  off  safe 
and  alive,  in  which  I  perfectly  succeeded. 


CHAPTER  TV. 

Reflections  on  Saint  Hubert's  stag — Shoots  a  stag  with 
cherry-stones  ;  the  wonderful  effects  of  it — Kills  a  bear 
by  extraordinary  dexterity;  his  danger  pathetically 
described — Attacked  by  a  wolf,  which  he  turns  inside 
out — Is  assailed  by  a  mad  dog,  from  which  he  escapes — 
The  Baron's  cloak  seized  with  madness,  by  which  his 
whole  wardrobe  is  thrown  into  confusion. 

DARE  say  you  have  heard  of  the 
hunter  and  sportsman's  saint  and  pro- 
tector, St.  Hubert,  and  of  the  noble 
stag,  which  appeared  to  him  in  the  forest,  with 
the  holy  cross  between  his  antlers.  I  have  paid 
my  homage  to  that  saint  every  year  in  good 
fellowship,  and  seen  this  stag  a  thousand  times 
either  painted  in  churches,  or  embroidered  in 
the  stars  of  his  knights;  so  that,  upon  the  honor 
and  conscience  of  a  good  sportsman,  I  hardly 
know   whether   there   may  not   have  been  for- 

(42) 


BAR  ON  MUNCHA  VSEN.  43 

merly,  or  whether  there  are  not  such  crossed 
stags  even  at  this  present  day.  But  let  me 
rather  tell  what  I  have  seen  myself.  Plaving 
one  day  spent  all  my  shot,  I  found  myself  unex- 
pectedly in  presence  of  a  stately  stag,  looking 
at  me  as  unconcernedly  as  if  he  had  known  of 
my  empty  pouches.  I  charged  immediately 
with  powder,  and  upon  it  a  good  handful  of 
cherry-stones,  for  I  had  sucked  the  fruit  as  far 
as  the  hurry  would  permit.  Thus  I  let  fly  at 
him,  and  hit  him  just  on  the  middle  of  the  fore- 
head, between  his  antlers;  it  stunned  him — he 
staggered — yet  he  made  off.  A  year  or  two 
after,  being  with  a  party  in  the  same  forest,  I 
beheld  a  noble  stag  with  a  fine  full-grown  cherry- 
tree  above  ten  feet  high  between  his  antlers.  I 
immediately  recollected  my  former  adventure, 
looked  upon  him  as  my  property,  and  brought 
him  to  the  ground  by  one  shot,  which  at  once 
gave  me  the  haunch  and  cherry-sauce ;  for  the 
tree  was  covered  with  the  richest  fruit,  the  like 
I  had  never  tasted  before.  Who  knows  but 
some  passionate  holy  sportsman,  or  sporting 
abbot  or  bishop,  may  have  shot,  planted  and 
fixed    the   cross    between    the    antlers    of    St. 


44  ORIGINAL   TRAVELS   OF 

Hubert's  stag,  in  a  manner  similar  to  this? 
They  always  have  been,  and  still  are,  famous  for 
plantations  of  crosses  and  antlers;  and  in  a  case 
of  distress  or  dilemma,  which  too  often  happens 
to  keen  sportsmen,  one  is  apt  to  grasp  at  any- 
thing for  safety,  and  to  try  any  expedient  rather 
than  miss  the  favorable  opportunity.  I  have 
many  times  found  myself  in  that  trying  situation. 
What  do  you  say  of  this,  for  example  ?  Day- 
light and  powder  were  spent  one  day  in  a  Polish 
forest.  When  I  was  going  home  a  terrible  bear 
made  up  to  me  in  great  speed,  with  open  mouth, 
ready  to  fall  upon  me ;  all  my  pockets  were 
searched  in  an  instant  for  powder  and  ball,  but 
in  vain ;  I  found  nothing  but  two  spare  flints  : 
one  I  flung  with  all  my  might  into  the  monster's 
open  jaws,  down  his  throat.  It  gave  him  pain 
and  made  him  turn  about,  so  that  I  could  level 
the  second  at  his  back-door,  which,  indeed^  I  did 
with  wonderful  success ;  for  it  flew  in,  met  the 
first  flint  in  the  stomach,  struck  fire,  and  blew 
up  the  bear  with  a  terrible  explosion.  Though 
I  came  safe  off*  that  time,  yet  I  should  not  wish 
to  try  it  again,  or  venture  against  bears  with  no 
other  ammunition. 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN,  45 

There  is  a  kind  of  fatality  in  it.  The  fiercest 
and  most  dangerous  animals  generally  came 
upon  me  when  defenceless,  as  if  they  had  a 
notion  or  an  instinctive  intimation  of  it.  Thus  a 
frightful  wolf  rushed  upon  me  so  suddenly,  and 
so  close,  that  I  could  do  nothing  but  follow  me- 
chanical instinct,  and  thrust  my  fist  into  his 
open  mouth.  For  safety's  sake  I  pushed  on  and 
on,  till  my  arm  was  fairly  in  up  to  the  shoulder. 
How  should  I  disengage  myself?  I  was  not 
much  pleased  with  my  awkward  situation — with 
a  wolf  face  to  face ;  our  ogling  was  not  of  the 
most  pleasant  kind.  If  I  withdrew  my  arm, 
then  the  animal  would  fly  the  more  furiously 
upon  me ;  that  I  saw  in  his  flaming  eyes.  In 
short,  I  laid  hold  of  his  tail,  turned  him  inside 
out  like  a  glove,  and  flung  him  to  the  ground, 
where  I  left  him. 

The  same  expedient  would  not  have  answered 
against  a  mad  dog,  which  soon  after  came  run- 
ning against  me  in  a  narrow  street  at  St.  Peters- 
burg. Run  who  can,  I  thought ;  and  to  do  this 
the  better,  I  threw  off  my  fur  cloak,  and  was 
safe  within  doors  in  an  instant.  I  sent  my  ser- 
vant for  the  cloak,  and  he  put  it  in  the  wardrobe 


46 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN, 


with  my  other  clothes.  The  day  after  I  was 
am n zed  and  frightened  by  Jack's  bawling,  "  For 
God's  sake,  sir,  your  fur  cloak  is  mad !"  I 
liastened  up  to  him,  and  found  almost  all  my 
clothes  tossed  about  and  torn  to  pieces.  The 
fellow  was  perfectly  right  in  his  apprehensions 
about  the  fur  cloak's  madness.  I  saw  him  my- 
self just  then  falling  upon  a  fine  full-dress  suit, 
which  he  shook  and  tossed  in  an  unmerciful 
manner. 


CHAPTER  Y. 


The  effects  of  great  activity  and  presence  of  mind — A 
favorite  hound  described,  which  pups  while  pursuing  a 
hare ;  the  hare  also  litters  while  pursued  by  the  hound — 
Presented  with  a  famous  horse  by  Count  Przobossky, 
with  which  he  performs  many  extraordinary  feats. 

ILL  these  narrow  and  lucky  escapes, 
gentlemen,  were  chances  turned  to 
advantage  by  presence  of  mind  and 
vigorous  exertions,  which,  taken  together,  as 
everybody  knows,  make  the  fortunate  sportsman, 
sailor,  and  soldier;  but  he  would  be  a  very 
blamable  and  imprudent  sportsman,  admiral,  or 
general,  who  would  always  depend  upon  chance 
and  his  stars,  without  troubling  himself  about 
those  arts  which  are  their  particular  pursuits, 
and  without  providing  the  very  best  implements, 
which  insure  success.     I  was  not  blamable  either 

way ;  for  I  have  always  been  as  remarkable  for 

(47) 


48  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS   OF 

the  excellency  of  my  horses,  dogs,  guns,  and 
swords,  as  for  the  proper  manner  of  using  and 
managing  them,  so  that  upon  the  whole  I  may 
hope  to  be  remembered  in  the  forest,  upon  the 
turf,  and  in  the  field.  I  shall  not  enter  here  into 
any  detail  of  my  stables,  kennel,  or  armory; 
but  a  favorite  bitch  of  mine  I  cannot  help  men- 
tioning to  you ;  she  was  a  greyhound,  and  I 
never  had  or  saw  a  better.  She  grew  old  in  my 
service,  and  was  not  remarkable  for  her  size,  but 
rather  for  her  uncommon  swiftness.  I  always 
coursed  with  her.  Had  you  seen  her  you  must 
have  admired  her,  and  would  not  have  wondered 
at  my  predilection,  and  at  my  coursing  her  so 
much.  She  ran  so  fast,  so  much,  and  so  long  in 
my  service,  that  she  actually  ran  off  her  legs ; 
so  that,  in  the  latter  part  of  her  life,  I  was  under 
the  necessity  of  working  and  using  her  only  as  a 
terrier,  in  which  quality  she  still  served  me 
many  years. 

Coursing  one  day  a  hare,  which  appeared  to 
me  uncommonly  big,  I  pitied  my  poor  bitch, 
being  big  with  pups,  yet  she  would  course  as 
fast  as  ever.  I  could  follow  her  on  horseback 
only  at  a  great  distance.     At  once  I  heard  a  cry 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN,  49 

as  it  were  of  a  pack  of  hounds — but  so  weak 
and  faint  that  I  hardly  knew  what  to  make  of 
it.  Coming  up  to  them,  I  was  greatly  surprised. 
The  hare  had  littered  in  running ;  the  same  had 
happened  to  my  bitch  in  coursing,  and  there 
were  just  as  many  leverets  as  pups.  By  instinct 
the  former  ran,  the  latter  coursed :  and  thus  I 
found  myself  in  possession  at  once  of  six  hares, 
and  as  many  dogs,  at  the  end  of  a  course  which 
had  only  begun  with  one. 

I  remember  this,  my  wonderful  bitch,  witli  the 
same  pleasure  and  tenderness  as  a  superb  Lithu- 
anian horse,  which  no  money  could  have  bought. 
He  became  mine  by  an  accident,  which  gave  me 
an  opportunity  of  showing  my  horsemanship  to 
a  great  advantage.  I  was  at  Count  Przobossky's 
noble  country-seat  in  Lithuania,  and  remained 
with  the  ladies  at  tea  in  the  drawing-room,  while 
the  gentlemen  were  down  in  the  yard,  to  see  a 
young  horse  of  blood  which  had  just  arrived 
from  the  stud.  We  suddenly  heard  a  noise  of 
distress ;  I  hastened  down  stairs,  and  found  the 
horse  so  unruly,  that-  nobody  durst  approach  or 
mount  him.  The  most  resolute  horsmen  stood 
dismayed  and  aghast ;  despondency  was  ex- 
4 


50  ORIGINAL   TRAVELS   OF 

pressed  in  every  countenance,  when,  in  one  leap, 
I  was  on  his  back,  took  him  by  surprise,  and 
worked  him  quite  into  gentleness  and  obedience, 
with  the  best  display  of  horsemanship  I  was 
master  of.  Fully  to  show  this  to  the  ladies,  and 
save  them  unnecessary  trouble,  I  forced  him  to 
leap  in  at  one  of  the  open  windows  of  the  tea- 
room, walked  round  several  times,  pace,  trot  and 
gallop,  and  at  last  made  him  mount  the  tea-table, 
there  to  repeat  his  lessons  in  a  pretty  style  of 
miniature  which  was  exceedingly  pleasing  to  the 
ladies,  for  he  performed  them  amazingly  well, 
and  did  not  break  either  cup  or  saucer.  It 
placed  me  so  high  in  their  opinion,  and  so  well 
in  that  of  the  noble  lord,  that,  with  his  usual 
politeness,  he  begged  I  would  accept  of  this 
young  horse,  and  ride  him  full  career  to  conquest 
and  honor  in  the  campaign  against  the  Turks, 
which  was  soon  to  be  opened,  under  the  com- 
mand of  Count  Munich. 

I  could  not  indeed  have  received  a  more  agree- 
able present,  nor  a  more  ominous  one  at  the 
opening  of  that  campaign,  in  which  I  made  my 
apprenticeship  as  a  soldier.  A  horse  so  gentle, 
so  spirited,  and  so  fierce — at  once  a  lamb  and  a 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  51 

Bucephalus — put  me  always  in  mind  of  the 
soldier's  and  the  gentleman's  duty !  of  young 
Alexander,  and  of  the  astonishing  things  he  per- 
formed in  the  field. 

We  took  the  field,  among  several  other  rea- 
sons, it  seems,  with  an  intention  to  retrieve  the 
character  of  the  Russian  arms,  which  had  been 
blemished  a  little  by  Czar  Peter's  last  campaign 
on  the  Pruth  ;  and  this  we  fully  accomplished 
by  several  very  fatiguing  and  glorious  campaigns 
under  the  command  of  that  great  general  I 
mentioned  before. 

Modesty  forbids  individuals  to  arrogate  to 
themselves  great  successes  or  victories,  the  glory 
of  which  is  generally  engrossed  by  the.  com- 
mander— nay,  which  is  rather  awkward,  by 
kings  and  queens  who  never  smelt  gunpowder 
but  at  the  field-days  and  reviews  of  their  troops ; 
never  saw  a  field  of  battle,  or  an  enemy  in  battle 
array. 

Nor  do  I  claim  any  particular  share  of  glory 
in  the  great  engagements  with  the  enemy.  We 
all  did  our  duty,  which,  in  the  patriot's,  soldier's, 
and  gentleman's  language,  is  a  very  comprehen- 
sive word,  of  great  honor,  meaning  and  import, 


52  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

and  of  which  the  generality  of  idle  quidnuncs 
and  coffee-house  politicians  can  hardly  form  any 
but  a  very  mean  and  contemptible  idea.  How- 
ever, having  had  the  command  of  a  body  of  hus- 
sars, I  went  upon  several  expeditions,  with  dis- 
cretionary powers ;  and  the  success  I  then  met 
with  is,  I  think,  fairly  and  onlj^  to  be  placed  to 
my  account,  and  to  that  of  the  brave  fellows 
whom  I  led  on  to  conquest  and  to  victory.  We 
had  very  hot  work  once  in  the  van  of  the  army, 
when  we  drove  the  Turks  into  Oczakow.  My 
spirited  Lithuanian  had  almost  brought  me  into 
a  scrape :  I  had  an  advanced  fore-post,  and  saw 
the  enemy  coming  against  me  in  a  cloud  of  dust, 
which  left  me  rather  uncertain  about  their  actual 
numbers  and  real  intentions  :  to  wrap  myself  up 
in  a  similar  cloud  was  common  prudence,  but 
would  not  have  much  advanced  my  knowledge, 
or  answered  the  end  for  which  I  had  been  sent 
out ;  therefore  I  let  my  flankers  on  both  wings 
spread  to  the  right  and  left,  and  make  what  dust 
they  could,  and  I  myself  led  on  straight  upon 
the  enemy,  to  have  a  nearer  sight  of  them  ;  in 
this  I  was  gratified,  for  they  stood  and  fought, 
tillj  for  fear  of  my  flankers,  they  began  to  move 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN,  53 

off  rather  disorderly.  This  was  the  moment  to 
fall  upon  them  with  spirit ;  we  broke  them  en- 
tirely— made  a  terrible  havoc  amongst  them,  and 
drove  them  not  only  back  to  a  walled  town  in 
their  rear,  but  even  through  it,  contrary  to  our 
most  sanguine  expectation. 

The  swiftness  of  my  Lithuanian  enabled  me 
to  be  foremost  in  the  pursuit ;  and  seeing  the 
enemy  fairly  flying  through  the  opposite  gate,  I 
thought  it  would  be  prudent  to  stop  in  the 
market-place,  to  order  the  men  to  rendezvous. 
I  stopped,  gentlemen  ;  but  judge  of  my  astonish- 
ment when  in  this  market-place  I  saw  not  one 
of  my  hussars  about  me  !  Are  they  vscouring  the 
other  streets  ?  or  what  is  become  of  them  ?  They 
could  not  be  far  off,  and  must,  at  all  events,  soon 
join  me.  In  that  expectation  •  I  walked  my 
panting  Lithuanian  to  a  spring  in  this  market- 
place, and  let  him  drink.  He  drank  uncom- 
monly, with  an  eagerness  not  to  be  satisfied,  but 
natural  enough;  for  when  I  looked  round  for 
my  men,  what  should  T  see,  gentlemen  !  the  hind 
part  of  the  poor  creature — croup  and  legs  were 
missing,  as  if  he  had  been  cut  in  two,  and  the 
water  ran  out  as  it  came  in,  without  refreshing 


54  BARON  MUNCHAUSEN. 

or  doing  him  any  good  !  How  it  could  have 
happened  was  quite  a  mystery  to  me,  till  I  re- 
turned with  him  to  the  town-gate.  There  I  saw 
that  when  I  rushed  in  pell-mell  with  the  flying 
enemy,  they  had  dropped  the  portcullis  (a  heavy 
falling  door,  with  sharp  spikes  at  the  bottom, 
let  down  suddenly  to  prevent  the  entrance  of  an 
enemy  into  a  fortified  town)  unperceived  by  me, 
which  had  totally  cut  off  his  hind  part,  that  still 
lay  quivering  on  the  outside  of  the  gate.  It 
would  have  been  an  irreparable  loss,  had  not  our 
farrier  contrived  to  bring  both  parts  together 
while  hot.  He  sewed  them  up  with  sprigs  and 
young  shoots  of  laurels  that  were  at  hand ;  the 
wound  healed,  and,  w^hat  could  not  have  hap- 
pened but  to  so  glorious  a  horse,  the  sprigs  took 
root  in  his  body,  grew  up  and  formed  a  bower 
over  me ;  so  that  afterwards  I  could  go  upon 
many  other  expeditions  in  the  shade  of  my  own 
and  my  horse's  laurels. 


CHAPTER  VI. 

The  Baron  is  made  a  prisoner  of  war,  and  sold  for  a  slave 
— Keeps  the  Sultan's  bees,  which  are  attacked  by  two 
bears — Loses  one  of  his  bees  ;  a  silver  hatchet,  which  he 
throws  at  the  bears,  rebounds  and  flies  up  to  the  moon  ; 
brings  it  back  by  an  ingenious  invention ;  falls  to  the 
earth  on  his  return,  and  helps  himself  out  of  a  pit — Ex- 
tricates himself  from  a  carriage  which  meets  his  in  a  nar- 
row road,  in  a  manner  never  before  attempted  nor  prac- 
tised since — The  wonderful  effects  of  the  frost  upon  his 
servant's  French  horn. 


UCCESS  was  not  always  with  me.  I 
had  the  misfortune  to  be  overpowered 
by  numbers,  to  be  made  prisoner  of 
war;  and,  what  is  worse,  but  always  usual  among 
the  Turks,  to  be  sold  for  a  slave.  [The  Baron 
was  afterwards  in  great  favor  with  the  Grand 
Seignior,  as  will  appear  hereafter.]  In  that  state 
of  humiliation  my  daily  task  was  not  very  hard 
and  laborious,  but  rather  singular  and  irksome. 

(55) 


56  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

It  was  to  drive  the  Sultan's  bees  every  morning  to 
their  pasture-grounds,  to  attend  them  all  the  day 
long,  and  against  night  to  drive  them  back  to 
their  hives.  One  evening  I  missed  a  bee,  and 
soon  observed  that  two  bears  had  fallen  upon  her 
to  tear  her  to  pieces  for  the  honey  she  carried. 
I  had  nothing  like  an  offensive  weapon  in  my 
hands  but  the  silver  hatchet,  which  is  the  badge 
of  the  Sultan's  gardeners  and  farmers.  I  threw 
it  at  the  robbers,  with  an  intention  to  frighten 
them  away,  and  set  the  poor  bee  at  liberty ;  but 
by  an  unlucky  turn  of  my  arm,  it  flew  upwards, 
and  continued  rising  till  it  reached  the  moon. 
How  should  I  recover  it?  how  fetch  it  down 
again?  I  recollected  that  Turkey-beans  grow 
very  quick,  and  run  up  to  an  astonishing  height. 
I  planted  one  immediately  ;  it  grew,  and  actually 
fastened  itself  to  one  of  the  moon's  horns.  I  had 
no  more  to  do  now  but  to  climb  up  by  it  into  the 
moon,  where  I  safely  arrived,  and  had  a  trouble- 
some piece  of  business  before  I  could  find  my 
silver  hatchet,  in  a  place  where  everything  has 
the  brightness  of  silver ;  at  last,  however,  I  found 
it  in  a  heap  of  chaff  and  chopped  straw.  I  was 
now  for  returning :    but,  alas !  the  heat  of  the 


h 


BAB  ON  MUNCHAUSEN,  57 

sun  had  dried  up  my  bean ;  it  was  totally  useless 
for  my  descent ;  so  I  fell  to  'work,  and  twisted 
me  a  rope  of  that  chopped  straw,  as  long  and  as 
well  as  I  could  make  it.  This  I  fastened  to  one 
of  the  moon's  horns,  and  slid  down  to  the  end  of 
it.  Here  I  held  myself  fast  with  the  left  hand, 
and  with  the  hatchet  in  my  right,  I  cut  the  long, 
now  useless  end  of  the  upper  part,  which,  when 
tied  to  the  lower  end,  brought  me  a  good  deal 
lower ;  this  repeated  splicing  and  tying  of  the 
rope  did  not  improve  its  quality,  or  bring' me 
down  to  the  Sultan's  farm.  I  was  four  or  five 
miles  from  the  earth  at  least  when  it  broke ;  I 
fell  to  the  ground  with  such  amazing  violence, 
that  I  found  myself  stunned,  and  in  a  hole  nine 
fathoms  deep  at  least,  made  by  the  weight  of  my 
body  falling  from  so  great  a  height:  I  recovered, 
but  knew  not  how  to  get  out  again;  however,  I 
dug  slopes  or  steps  with  my  finger-nails  (the 
Baron's  nails  were  then  of  forty  years'  growth), 
and  easily  accomplished  it. 

Peace   was   soon   after    concluded   with    the 
urks,  and  gaining  my  liberty,  I  left  St.  Peters- 
burg at   the  time  of  that   singular  revolution, 
when  the  emperor  in  his  cradle,  his  mother,  the 


58  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

Duke  of  Brunswick,  her  father.  Field-marshal 
Munich,  and  man'y  others  were  sent  to  Siberia. 
The  winter  was  then  so  uncommonly  severe  all 
over  Europe,  that  ever  since  the  sun  seems  to  be 
frostrbitten.  At  my  return  to  this  place,  I  felt 
on  the  road  greater  inconveniences  than  those  I 
had  experienced  on  my  setting  out. 

I  travelled  post,  and  finding  myself  in  a  narrow 
lane,  bid  the  postilion  give  a  signal  with  his  horn, 
that  other  travellers  might  not  meet  us  in  the 
narrow  passage.  He  blew  with  all  his  might; 
but  his  endeavors  were  in  vain,  he  could  not 
make  the  horn  sound,  which  was  unaccountable 
and  rather  unfortunate,  for  soon  after  we  found 
ourselves  in  the  presence  of  another  coach  coming 
the  other  way :  there  was  no  proceeding;  how- 
ever, I  got  out  of  my  carriage,  and  being  pretty 
strong,  placed  it,  wheels  and  all,  upon  my  head: 
I  then  jumped  over  a  hedge  about  nine  feet  high 
(which,  considering  the  weight  of  the  coach,  was 
rather  difficult)  into  a  field,  and  came  out  again 
by  another  jump  into  the  road  beyond  the  other 
carriage  :  I  then  went  back  for  the  horses,  and 
placing  one  upon  my  head,  and  the  other  under 
my  left  arm,  by  the  same  means  brought  them 


1^ 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  59 

to  my  coach,  put  to,  and  proceeded  to  an  inn  at 
the  end  of  our  stage.  I  should  have  told  you 
that  the  horse  under  my  arm  was  very  spirited, 
and  not  above  four  years  old;  in  making  my 
second  spring  over  the  hedge,  he  expressed  great 
dislike  to  that  violent  kind  of  motion  by  kicking 
and  snorting ;  however,  I  confined  his  hind  legs 
by  putting  them  into  my  coat-pocket.  After  we 
arrived  at  the  inn  my  postilion  and  I  refreshed 
ourselves  :  he  hung  his  horn  on  a  peg  near  the 
kitchen  fire  ;  I  sat  on  the  other  side. 

Suddenly  we  heard  a  tereng !  tereng !  teng ! 
teng !  We  looked  round,  and  now  found  the 
reason  why  the  postilion  had  not  been  able  to 
sound  his  horn ;  his  tunes  were  frozen  up  in  the 
horn,  and  came  out  now  by  thawing,  plain 
enough,  and  much  to  the  credit  of  the  driver  ;  so 
that  the  honest  fellow  entertained  us  for  some 
time  with  a  variety  of  tunes,  without  putting  his 
mouth  to  the  horn — The  King  of  Prussia's  March 
— Over  the  Hill  and  over  the  Dale — with  many 
other  favorite  tunes ;  at  length  the  thawing  en- 
tertainment concluded,  as  I  shall  this  short 
account  of  my  Russian  travels. 


60  BARON  M  UNO  HA  USEN. 

[Some  travellers  are  apt  to  advance  more  than 
is  perhaps  strictly  true ;  if  any  of  the  company 
entertain  a  doubt  of  my  veracity,  L  shall  only 
say  to  such,  I  pity  their  want  of  faith,  and  must 
request  they  will  take  leave  before  I  begin  the 
second  part  af  my  adventures,  which  are  as 
strictly  founded  in  fact  as  those  I  have  already 
related.]  » 


TRAVELS 

OF 

BARON    MUNCHAUSEN. 

PART   II. 


CHAPTER  VII. 

The  Baron  relates  his  adventures  on  a  voyage  to  North 
America,  which  are  well  worth  the  reader's  attention — 
Pranks  of  a  whale— A  sea-gull  saves  a  sailor's  life — The 
Baron's  head  forced  into  his  stomach — A  dangerous  leak 
stopped  cl  posteriori. 

EMBARKED  at  Portsmouth  in  a  first- 
rate  English  man-of-war,  of  one  hun- 
dred guns,  and  fourteen  hundred  men, 
North   America.     Nothing   worth   relating 
happened  till  we  arrived  within  three  hundred 

(61) 


62  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

leagues  of  the  river  St.  Lawrence,  when  the  ship 
struck  with  amazing  force  against  (as  we  sup- 
posed) a  rock ;  however,  upon  heaving  the  lead 
we  could  find  no  bottom,  even  with  three  hun- 
dred fathom.  What  made  this  circumstance  the 
more  wonderful,  and  indeed  beyond  all  compre- 
hension, was,  that  the  violence  of  the  shock  was 
such  that  we  lost  our  rudder,  broke  our  bowsprit 
in  the  middle,  and  split  all  our  masts  from  top  to 
bottom,  two  of  which  went  by  the  board  ;  a  poor 
fellow,  who  was  aloft  furling  the  main-sheet, 
was  flung  at  least  three  leagues  from  the  ship; 
but  he  fortunately  saved  his  life  by  laying  hold 
of  the  tail  of  a  large  sea-gull,  who  brought  him 
back,  and  lodged  him  on  the  very  spot  from 
whence  he  was  thrown.  Another  proof  of  the 
violence  of  the  shock  was  the  force  with  which 
the  people  between  decks  were  driven  against 
the  floors  above  them ;  my  head  particularly  was 
pressed  into  my  stomach,  where  it  continued 
some  months  before  it  recovered  its  natural  situ- 
ation. Whilst  we  were  all  in  a  state  of  astonish- 
ment at  the  general  and  unaccountable  confusion 
in  which  we  were  involved,  the  whole  was  sud- 
denly explained  by  the  appearance  of  a  large 


♦  BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  gg 

whale,  who  had  been  basking,  asleep,  within  six- 
teen feet  of  the  surface  of  the  water.  This 
animal  was  so  much  displeased  with  the  disturb- 
ance which  our  ship  had  given  him,  for  in  our 
passage  we  had  with  our  rudder  scratched  his 
nose,  that  he  beat  in  all  the  gallery  and  part  of 
the  quarter-deck  with  his  tail,  and  almost  at  the 
same  instant  took  the  main-sheet  anchor,  which 
was  suspended,  as  it  usually  is,  from  the  head, 
between  his  teeth,  and  ran  away  with  the  ship, 
at  least  sixty  leagues,  at  the  rate  of  twelve 
leagues  an  hour,  when  fortunately  the  cable 
broke,  and  we  lost  both  the  whale  and  the  anchor. 
However,  upon  our  return  to  Europe,  some 
months  after,  we  found  the  same  whale  within  a 
few  leagues  of  the  same  spot,  floating  dead  upon 
the  water;  it  measured  above  half  a  mile  in 
length.  As  we  could  take  but  a  small  quantity 
of  such  a  monstrous  animal  on  board  we  got  our 
boats  out,  and  with  much  difficulty  cut  off  his 
head,  where,  to  our  great  joy,  we  found  the 
anchor,  and  above  forty  fathom  of  the  cable,  con- 
cealed on  the  left  side  of  his  mouth,  just  under 
his  tongue.  [Perhaps  this  was  the  cause  of  his 
death,  as  that  side  of  his  tongue  was  much  swelled. 


64  BARON  MUNCHACfSEN.  • 

with  a  great  degree  of  inflammation.]  This  was 
the  only  extraordinary  circumstance  that  hap- 
pened on  this  voyage.  One  part  of  our  distress, 
however,  I  had  like  to  have  forgot :  while  the 
w^hale  was  running  away  with  the  ship  she 
sprung  a  leak,  and  the  water  poured  in  so  fast 
that  all  our  pumps  could  not  keep  us  from 
sinking;  it  was,  however,  my  good  fortune  to 
discover  it  first.  I  found  it  a  large  hole  about  a 
foot  diameter;  you  wall  naturally  suppose  this 
circumstance  gives  me  infinite  pleasure,  when  I 
inform  you  that  this  noble  vessel  was  preserved 
with  all  its  crew,  by  a  most  fortunate  thought ! 
in  short,  I  sat  down  over  it,  and  could  have  dis- 
pensed with  it  had  it  been  larger ;  nor  will  you 
be  surprised  when  I  inform  you  I  am  descended 
from  Dutch  parents.  [The  Baron's  ancestors 
have  but  lately  settled  there ;  in  another  part  of 
his  adventures  he  boasts  of  royal  blood.] 

My  situation,  while   I   sat   there,  was   rather 
cool,  but  the  carpenter's  art  soon  relieved  me. 


CHAPTER  VIII. 


Bathes  in  the  Mediterranean — Meets  an  unexpected  com- 
panion— Arrives  unintentionally  in  the  regions  of  heat 
and  darkness,  from  which  he  is  extricated  by  dancing  a 
hornpipe — Frightens  his  deliverers,  and  returns  on  shore. 

WAS  once  in  great  danger  of  being  lost 
in  a  most  singular  manner  in  the  Medi- 
terranean :  I  was  bathing  in  that  pleas- 
ant sea  near  Marseilles  one  summer  s  afternoon, 
when  I  discovered  a  very  large  fish,  with  his  jaws 
quite  extended,  approaching  me  with  the  greatest 
velocity  ;  there  was  no  time  to  be  lost,  nor  could 
I  possibly  avoid  him.  I  immediately  reduced 
myself  to  as  small  a  size  as  possible,  by  closing 
my  feet  and  placing  my  hands  also  near  my  sides, 
in  which  position  I  passed  directly  between  his 
jaws,  and  into  his  stomach,  where    I   remained 

some  time  in    total   darkness,   and   comfortably 
5  (65) 


gg  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS   OF 

warm,  as  you  may  imagine ;  at  last  it  occurred  to 
me,  that  by  giving  him  pain  he  would  be  glad 
to  get  rid  of  me :  as  I  had  plenty  of  room,  I 
played  my  pranks,  such  as  tumbling,  hop,  step 
and  jump,  &c.,  but  nothing  seemed  i6  disturb  him 
so  much  as  the  quick  motion  of  my  feet  in  at- 
tempting to  dance  a  hornpipe  ;  soon  after  I  began 
he  put  me  out  by  sudden  fits  and  starts :  I  per- 
severed ;  at  last  he  roared  horribly,  and  stood  up 
almost  perpendicularly  in  the  water,  with  his 
head  and  shoulders  exposed,  by  which  he  was 
discovered  by  the  people  on  board  an  Italian 
trader,  then  sailing  by,  who  harpooned  him  in  a 
few  minutes.  As  soon  as  he  was  brought  on 
board  I  heard  the  crew  consulting  how  they 
should  cut  him  up,  so  as  to  preserve  the  greatest 
quantity  of  oil.  As  I  understood  Italian,  I  was 
in  most  dreadful  apprehensions  lest  their  weapons 
employed  in  this  business  should  destroy  me  also ; 
therefore  I  stood  as  near  the  centre  as  possible, 
for  there  was  room  enough  for  a  dozen  men  in 
this  creature's  stomach,  and  I  naturally  imagined 
they  would  begin  with  the  extremities  :  however 
my  fears  were  soon  dispersed,  for  they  began  by 
opening  the  bottom  of  the  belly.     As  soon  as  I 


BARON  MUNCHA  USEN.  57 

perceived  a  glimmering  of  light  I  called  out  lustily 
to  be  released  from  a  situation  in  which  I  was 
now  almost  suffocated.  It  is  impossible  for  me  to 
do  justice  to  the  degree  and  kind  of  astonishment 
which  sat  upon  every  countenance  at  hearing  a 
human  voice  issue  from  a  fish,  but  more  so  at 
seeing  a  naked  man  walk  upright  out  of  his  body ; 
in  short,  gentlemen,  I  told  them  the  whole  story, 
as  I  have  done  you,  whilst  amazement  struck 
them  dumb. 

After  taking  some  refreshment,  and  jumping 
into  the  sea  to  cleanse  myself,  I  swam  to  my 
clothes,  which  lay  where  I  had  left  them  on  the 
shore.  As  near  as  I  can  calculate,  I  was  near 
four  hours  and  a  half  confined  in  the  stomach  of 
this  animal. 


CHAPTER  IX. 


Adventures  *  in  Turkey,  and  upon  the  river  Nile — Sees  a 
balloon  over  Constantinople ;  shoots  at,  and  brings  it 
down ;  finds  a  French  experimental  philosopher  sus- 
pended from  it — Goes  on  an  embassy  to  Grand  Cairo,  and 
returns  upon  the  Nile,  where  he  is  thrown  into  an  unex- 
pected situation,  and  detained  six  weeks. 

HEN  I  was  in  the  service  of  the  Turks 
I  frequently  amused  mjself  in  a  pleas- 
ure-barge on  the  Marmora,  which  com- 
mands a  view  of  the  whole  city  of  Constantinople, 
including  the  Grand  Seignior's  Seraglio.  One 
morning,  as  I  was  admiring  the  beauty  and 
serenity  of  the  sky,  I  observed  a;  globular  sub- 
stance in  the  air,  which  appeared  to  be  about  the 
size  of  a  twelve-inch  globe,  with  somewhat  sus- 
pended from  it ;  I  immediately  took  up  my  largest 
and  longest  barrel  fowling-piece,  which  I  never 

(68) 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  gg 

travel  or  make  even  an  excursion  without,  if  I 
can  help  it ;  I  charged  with  a  ball,  and  fired  at 
the  globe,  but  to  no  purpose,  the  object  being  at 
too  great  a  distance.  I  then  put  in  a  double 
quantity  of  powder,  and  five  or  six  balls :  this 
second  attempt  succeeded ;  all  the  balls  took 
effect,  and  tore  one  side  open,  and  brought  it 
down.  Judge  my  surprise  when  a  most  elegant 
gilt  car,  with  a  man  in  it,  and  part  of  a  sh^ep 
which  seemed  to  have  been  roasted,  fell  within 
two  yards  of  me  ;  when  my  astonishment  had  in 
some  degree  subsided,  I  ordered  my  people  to  row 
close  to  this  strange  aerial  traveller. 

I  took  him  on  board  my  barge  (he  was  a  native 
of  France)  :  he  was  much  indisposed  from  his 
sudden  fall  into  the  sea,  and  incapable,  of  speak- 
ing ;  after  some  time,  however,  he  recovered  and 
gave  the  following  account  of  himself,  viz. : 
"  About  seven  or  eight  days  since,  I  cannot  tell 
which,  for  I  have  lost  my  reckoning,  having  been 
most  of  the  time  where  the  sun  never  sets,  I  as- 
cended from  the  Land's  End  in  Cornwall,  in  the 
island  of  Great  Britain,  in  the  car  from  which  I 
have  been  just  taken,  suspended  from  a  very  large 
balloon,  and  took  a  sheep  with  me,  to  try  atmo- 


70  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS   OF 

spheric  experiments  upon :  unfortunately,  the 
wind  changed  within  ten  minutes  after  my 
ascent,  and  instead  of  driving  towards  Exeter, 
where  I  intended  to  land,  I  was  driven  towards 
the  sea,  over  which  I  suppose  I  have  continued 
ever  since,  but  much  too  high  to  make  observa- 
tions. 

^•The  calls  of  hunger  were  so  pressing,  that 
the  intended  experiments  upon  heat  and  respira- 
tion gave  way  to  them.  I  was  obliged,  on  the 
third  day,  to  kill  the  sheep  for  food ;  and  being 
at  that  time  infinitely  above  the  moon,  and  for 
upwards  of  sixteen  hours  after  so  very  near  the 
sun  that  it  scorched  my  eye-brows,  I  placed  the 
carcase,  taking  care  to  skin  it  first,  in  that  part 
of  the  car  where  the  sun  had  sufficient  power,  or, 
in  other  words,  where  the  balloon  did  not  shade 
it  from  the  sun,  by  which  method  it  was  well 
roasted  in  about  two  hours.  This  has  been  my 
food  ever  since."  Here  he  paused,  and  seemed 
lost  in  viewing  the  objects  about  him.  When  I 
told  him  the  buildings  before  us  were  the  Grand 
Seignior's  Seraglio  at  Constantinople,  he  seemed 
exceedingly  affected,  as  he  had  supposed  himself 
in  a  very  different  situation.    "  The  cause,"  added 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN,  71 

he,  ^^of  my  long  flight,  was  owing  to  the  failure 
of  a  string  which  was  fixed  to  a  valve  in  the  bal- 
loon, intended  to  let  out  the  inflammable  air; 
and  if  it  had  not  been  fired  at,  and  rent  in  the 
manner  before  mentioned,  I  might,  like  Mahomet, 
have  been  suspended  between  heaven  and  earth 
till  doomsday." 

The  Grand  Seignior,  to  whom  I  was  introduced 
by  the  Imperial,  Russian  and  French  ambassadors, 
employed  me  to  negotiate  a  matter  of  great  im- 
portance at  Grand  Cairo,  and  which  was  of  such 
a  nature  that  it  must  ever  remain  a  secret. 

I  went  there  in  great  state  by  land;  where, 
having  completed  the  business,  I  dismissed  almost 
all  my  attendants,  and  returned  like  a  private 
gentleman  :  the  weather-  was  delightful,  and  that 
famous  river  the  Nile  was  beautiful  beyond  all 
description ;  in  short,  I  was  tempted  to  hire  a 
barge  to  descend  by  water  to  Alexandria.  On 
the  third  day  of  my  voyage  the  river  began  to 
rise  most  amazingly  (you  have  all  heard,  I  pre- 
sume, of  the  annual  overflowing  of  the  Nile),  and 
on  the  next  day  it  spread  the  whole  country  for. 
many  leagues  on  each  side  !  On  the  fifth,  at 'sun- 
rise, my  barge  became  entangled  with  what  I  at 


72  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

first  took  for  shrubs,  but  as  the  light  became 
stronger  I  found  myself  surrounded  by  almonds, 
which  were  perfectly  ripe,  and  in  the  highest  per- 
fection. Upon  plumbing  with  a  line  my  people 
found  we  were  at  least  sixty  feet  from  the 
ground,  and  unable  to  advance  or  retreat.  At 
about  eight  or  nine  o'clock,  as  near  as  I  could 
judge  by  the  altitude  of  the  sun,  the  wind  rose 
suddenly,  and  canted  our  barge  on  one  side  ;  here 
she  filled,  and  I  saw  no  more  of  her  for  some 
time.  Fortunately  we  all  saved  ourselves  (six 
men  and  two  boys)  by  clinging  to  the  tree,  the 
boughs  of  which  were  equal  to  our  weight,  though 
not  to  that  of  the  barge ;  in  this  situation  we 
continued  six  weeks  and  three  days,  living  upon 
the  almonds;  I  need  not  inform  you  we  had 
plenty  of  water.  On  the  forty-second  day  of  our 
distress  the  water  fell  as  rapidly  as  it  had  risen, 
and  on  the  forth-sixth  w^e  were  able  to  venture 
down  upon  terra  firm  a.  Our  barge  was  the  first 
pleasing  object  we  saw,  about  two  hundred  yards 
from  the  spot  where  she  sunk.  After  drying 
everything  that  was  useful  by  the  heat  of  the  sun, 
and  loading  ourselves  with  necessaries  from  the 
stores  on  board,  we  set  out  to  recover   our   lost 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  73 

ground,  and  found,  by  the  nearest  calculation, 
we  had  been  carried  over  garden-walls,  and  a 
variety  of  enclosures,  above  one  hundred  and  fifty 
miles.  In  four  days,  after  a  very  tiresome  jour- 
ney on  foot,  with  thin  shoes,  we  reached  the 
river,  which  was  now  confined  to  its  banks,  re- 
lated our  adventures  to  a  boy,  who  kindly  accom- 
modated all  our  wants,  and  sent  us  forward  in  a 
barge  of  his  own.  In  six  days  more  we  arrived 
at  Alexandria,  where  we  took  shipping  for  Con- 
stantinople. I  was  received  kindly  by  the  Grand 
Seignior,  and  had  the  honor  of  seeing  the  seraglio, 
to  which  his  highness  introduced  me  himself. 


CHAPTER  X. 

Pays  a  visit  during  the  siege  of  Gibraltar  to  his  old  friend 
General  Elliot — Sinks  a  Spanish  man-of-war — ^Wakes  an 
old  woman  on  the  African  coast — Destroys  all  the  ene- 
my's cannon  ;  frightens  the  Count  d'Artois,  and  sends 
him  to  Paris — Saves  the  lives  of  two  English  spies  with 
the  identical  sling  that  killed  Goliah ;  and  raises  the 
siege. 

|URING  the  late  siege  of  Gibraltar  I 
went  with  a  provision-fleet,  under 
Lord  Rodney's  command,  to  see  my 
old  friend  General  Elliot,  who  has,  by  his  dis- 
tinguished defence  of  that  place,  acquired  laurels 
that  can  never  fade.  After  the  usual  joy  which 
generally  attends  the  meeting  of  old  friends  had 
subsided,  I  went  to  examine  the  state  of  the 
garrison,  and  view  the  operations  of  the  enemy, 
for  which  purpose  the  general  accompanied  me. 

I  had  brought  a  most  excellent  refracting  tele- 

(74) 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  75 

scope  with  me  from  London,  purchased  of  Dol- 
lond,  by  the  help  of  which  I  found  the  enemy 
were  going  to  discharge  a  thirty-six  pounder  at 
the  spot  where  we  stood.  I  told  the  general 
what  they  were  about ;  he  looked  through  the 
glass  also,  and  found  my  conjectures  right.  I 
immediately,  by  his  permission,  ordered  a  forty- 
eight  pounder  to  be  brought  from  a  neighboring 
battery,  which  I  placed  with  so  much  exactness 
(having  long  studied  the  art  of  gunnery)  that  I 
was  sure  of  my  mark. 

I  continued  watching  the  enemy  till  I  saw  the 
match  placed  at  the  touch-hole  of  their  piece ;  at 
that  very  instant  I  gave  the  signal  for  our  gun 
to  be  fired  also.. 

About  midway  between  the  two  pieces  of  can- 
non the  balls  struck  each  other  with  amazing 
force,  and  the  effect  was  astonishing !  The  ene- 
my's ball  recoiled  back  with  such  violence  as  to 
kill  the  man  who  had  discharged  it,  by  carrying 
his  head  fairly  off,  with  sixteen  others  which  it 
met  with  in  its  progress  to  the  Barbary  coast, 
where  its  force,  after  passing  through  three 
masts  of  vessels  that  then  lay  in  a  line  behind 
each  other  in  the  harbor,  was  so  much  spent, 


76  ORIGINAL   TRAVELS   OF 

that  it  only  broke  its  way  through  the  roof  of  a 
poor  laborer's  hut,  about  two  hundred  yards 
inland,  and  destroyed  a  few  teeth  an  old  woman 
had  left,  who  lay  asleep  upon  her  back  with  her 
mouth  open.  The  ball  lodged  in  her  throat. 
Her  husband  soon  after  came  home,  and  endeav- 
ored to  extract  it;  but  finding  that  impracticable, 
by  the  assistance  of  a  rammer  he  forced  it  into 
her  stomach.  Our  ball  did  excellent  service  ;  for 
it  not  only  repelled  the  other  in  the  manner  just 
described,  but,  proceeding  as  I  intended  it  should, 
it  dismounted  the  wqyj  piece  of  cannon  that  had 
just  been  employed  against  us,  and  forced  it  into 
the  hold  of  the  ship,  where  it  fell  with  so  much 
force  as  to  break  its  way  through  the  bottom. 
The  ship  immediately  filled  and  sank,  with 
above  a  thousand  Spanish  sailors  on  board, 
besides  a  considerable  number  of  soldiers.  This, 
to  be  sure,  was  a  most  extraordinary  exploit ;  I 
will  not,  however,  take  the  whole  merit  to  m}-- 
self ;  my  judgment  was  the  principal  engine,  but 
chance  assisted  me  a  little;  for  I  afterwards 
found,  that  the  man  who  charged  our  forty-eight 
pounder  put  in,  by  mistake,  a  double  quantity 
of  powder,  else  we  could  never  have  succeeded 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  77 

SO  much  beyond  all  expectation,  especially  in 
repelling  the  enemy's  ball. 

General  Elliot  would  have  given  me  a  com- 
mission for  tliis  singular  piece  of  service ;  but  I 
declined  everything,  except  his  thanks,  which  I 
received  at  a  crowded  table  of  officers  at  supper 
on  the  evening  of  that  very  day. 

As  I  am  very  partial  to  the  English,  who  are 
beyond  all  doubt  a  brave  people,  I  determined 
not  to  take  my  leave  of  the  garrison  till  I  had 
rendered  them  another  piece  of  service,  and  in 
about  three  weeks  an  opportunity  presented 
itself  I  dressed  myself  in  the  habit  of  a  Popish 
priest,  and  at  about  one  o'clock  in  the  morning 
stole  out  of  the  garrison,  passed  the  enemy's 
lines,  and  arrived  in  the  middle  of  their  camp, 
where  I  entered  the  tent  in  which  the  Prince 
d'Artois  was,  with  the  commander-in-chief,  and 
several  other  officers,  in  deep  council,  concerting 
a  plan  to  storm  the  garrison  next  morning.  My 
disguise  was  my  protection ;  they  suffered  me  to 
continue  there,  hearing  everything  that  passed, 
till  they  went  to  their  several  beds.  When  1 
found  the  whole  camp,  and  even  the  sentinels, 
were  wrapped  up  in  the   arms  of  Morpheus,  I 


78  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS   OF 

began  my  work,  which  was  that  of  dismounting 
all  their  cannon  (above  three  hundred  pieces), 
from  forty-eight  to  twenty-four  pounders,  and 
throwing  them  three  leagues  into  the  sea.  Hav- 
ing no  assistance,  I  found  this  the  hardest  task  I 
ever  undertook,  except  swimming  to  the  opposite 
shore  with  the  famous  Turkish  piece  of  ordnance, 
described  by  Baron  de  Tott  in  his  Memoirs, 
which  I  shall  hereafter  mention.  I  then  piled 
all  the  carriages  together  in  the  centre  of  the 
camp,  which,  to  prevent  the  noise  of  the  wheels 
being  heard,  1  carried  in  pairs  under  my  arms; 
and  a  noble  appearance  they  made,  as  high  at 
least  as  the  rock  of  Gibraltar.  I  then  lighted  a 
match  by  striking  a  flint  stone,  situated  twenty 
feet  from  the  ground  (in  an  old  wall  built  by  the 
Moors  when  they  invaded  Spain),  with  the 
breech  of  an  iron  eight-and-forty  pounder,  and  so 
set  fire  to  the  whole  pile.  I  forgot  to  inform 
you  that  I  threw  all  their  ammunition-wagons 
upon  the  top. 

Before  I  applied  the  lighted  match  I  had  laid 
the  combustibles  at  the  bottom  so  judiciously, 
that  the  whole  was  in  a  blaze  in  a  moment.  To 
prevent  suspicion  I  was  one  of  the  first  to  express 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  79 

my  surprise.  The  whole  camp  was,  as  you  may 
imagine,  petrified  with  astonishment :  the  gen- 
eral conclusion  was,  that  their  sentinels  had  been 
bribed,  and  that  seven  or  eight  regiments  of  the 
garrison  had  been  employed  in  this  horrid  destruc- 
tion of  their  artillery.  Mr.  Drinkwater,  in  his 
account  of  this  famous  siege,  mentions  the  enemy 
sustaining  a  great  loss  by  a  fire  which,  happened 
in  their  camp,  but  never  knew  the  cause ;  how 
should  he  ?  as  I  never  divulged  it  before  (though 
I  alone  saved  Gibraltar  by  this  night's  business), 
not  even  to  General  Elliott.  The  Count  d'Artois 
and  all  his  attendants  ran  away  in  their  fright, 
and  never  stopped  on  the  road  till  they  reached 
Paris,  which  they  did  in  about  a  fortnight ;  this 
dreadful  conflagration  had  such-  an  effect  upon 
them  that  they  were  incapable  of  taking  the 
least  refreshment  for  three  months  after,  but, 
chameleon-like,  lived  upon  the  air. 

[If  any  gentleman  will  say  he  doubts  the  truth 
of  this  story,  I  will  fine  him  a  gallon,  of  brandy 
and  make  him  drink  it  at  one  draught.] 

About  two  months  after  I  had  done  the  be- 
sieged this  service,  one  morning,  as  I  sat  at 
breakfast  with  General  Elliot,  a  shell  (for  I  had 


80  ORIGINAL   TRAVELS   OF 

not  time  to  destroy  their  mortars  as  well  as 
their  cannon)  entered  the  apartment  we  were 
sitting  in;  it  lodged  upon  our  table:  the  Gen- 
eral, as  most  men  would  do,  quitted  the  room 
directly;  but  I  took  it  up  before  it  burst,  apd 
carried  it  to  top  of  the  rock,  when,  looking  over 
the  enemy's  camp,  on  an  eminence  near  the  sea- 
coast  I  observed  a  considerable  number  of  people, 
but  could  not,  with  my  naked  eye,  discover  how 
they  were  employed.  I  had  recourse  again  to 
my  telescope,  when  I  found  that  two  of  our  offi- 
cers, one  a  general,  the  other  a  colonel,  with 
whom  I  had  spent  the  preceding  evening,  and 
who  went  out  into  the  enemy's  camp  about  mid- 
night as  spies,  were  taken,  and  then  were  actually 
going  to  be  exe'cuted  on  a  gibbet.  I  found  the 
distance  too  great  to  throw  the  shell  with  my 
hand,  but  most  fortunately  recollecting  that  I 
had  the  very  sling  in  my  pocket  which  assisted 
David  in  slaying  Goliath,  I  placed  the  shell  in  it,. 
and  immediately  threw  it  in  the  midst  of  them  : 
it  burst  as  it  fell,  and  destroyed  all  present,  ex- 
cept .the  two  culprits,  who  were  saved  by  being 
suspended  so  high,  for  they  were  just  turned  off  : 
however,  one  of  the  pieces  of  the  shell  fled  with 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  %\ 

such  force  against  the  foot  of  the  gibbet,  that  it 
immediately  brought  it  down.  Our  two  friends 
no  sooner  felt  terra  firma,  than  they  looked 
about  for  the  cause ;  and  finding  their  guards, 
executioner,  ancj  all,  had  taken  it  in  their  heads 
to  die  first,  they  directly  extricated  each  other 
from  their  disgraceful  cords,  and  then  ran  down 
to  the  seashore,  seized  a  Spanish  boat  with  two 
men  in  it,  and  made  them  row  to  one  of  our  ships, 
which  they  did  with  great  safety,  and  in  a  few 
minutes  after,  when  I  w^as  relating  to  General 
Elliot  how  I  had  acted,  they  both  took  us  by  the 
hand,  and  after  mutual  congratulations  we  retired 
to  spend  the  day  with  festivity. 


CHAPTER  XL 

An  interesting  account  of  the  Baron's  ancestors — A  quar- 
rel relative  to  the  spot  where  Noah  built  his  ark — The 
history  of  the  sling,  and  its  properties — A  favorite  poet 
introduced  upon  no  very  reputable  occasion — Queen 
Elizabeth's  abstinence — The  Baron's  father  crosses  from 
England  to  Holland  upon  a  marine  horse,  which  he  sells 
for  seven  hundred  ducats. 

OU  wish  (T  can  see  by  your  counte- 
nances) I  would  inform  you  how  I  be- 

•  came  possessed  of  such  a  treasure  as 
the  sling  just  mentioned.  (Here  facts  must  be 
held  sacred.)  Thus  then  it  was  :  I  am  a  de- 
scendant of  the  wife  of  Uriah,  whom  we  all  know 
David  was  intimate  with ;  she  had  several  chil- 
dren by  his  majesty  ;  they  quarrelled  once  upon 
a  matter  of  the  first  consequence,  viz.,  the  spot 
where  Noah's  ark  was  built,  and  where  it  rested 
after  the  flood.     A  separation  consequently  en- 

(82) 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN,  83 

sued.  She  had  often  heard  him  speak  of  this 
sling  as  his  most  valuable  treasure  :  this  she  stole 
the  night  they  parted  ;  it  was  missed  before  she 
got  out  of  his  dominions,  and  she  was  pursued 
by  no  less  than  six  of  the  king's  body-guards : 
however,  by  using  it  herself  she  hit  the  first  of 
them  (for  one  was  more  active  in  the  pursuit 
than  the  rest)  where  David  did  Goliath,  and  killed 
him  on  the  spot.  His  companions  were  so 
alarmed  at  his  fall  that  they  retired,  and  left 
Uriah's  wife  to  pursue  her  journey.  She  took 
with  her,  I  should  have  informed  you  before,  her 
favorite  son  by  this  connection,  to  whom  she  be- 
queathed the  sling ;  and  thus  it  has,  without  in- 
terruption, descended  from  father  to  son  till  it 
came  into  my  possession.  One  of  its  possessors, 
my  great  great  great  grandfather,  who  lived 
about  two  hundred  and  fifty  years  ago,  was  upon 
a  visit  to  England,  and  became  intimate  with  a 
poet  w^ho  was  a  great  deerstealer ;  I  think  his 
name  was  Shakespeare :  he  frequently  borrowed 
this  sling,  and  with  it  killed  so  much  of  Sir 
Thomas  Lucy's  venison,  that  he  narrowly  es- 
caped the  fate  of  my  two  friends  at  Gibraltar. 
Poor  Shakespeare  was  imprisoned,  and  my  ances- 


84  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

tor  obtained  his  freedom  in  a  very  singular 
manner.  Queen  Elizabeth  was  then  on  the 
throne,  but  grown  so  indolent  that  every  trilling 
matter  was  become  a  trouble  to  her ;  dressing, 
undressing,  eating,  drinking,  and  some  other 
offices  which  shall  be  nameless,  made  life  a  burden 
to  her;  all  these  things  he  enabled  her  to  do 
without,  or  by  a  deputy  !  and  what  do  you  think 
was  the  only  return  she  could  prevail  upon  him 
to  accept  for  such  eminent  services  ?  setting 
Shakespeare  at  liberty  !  Such  was  his  affection 
for  that  famous  writer,  that  he  would  have 
shortened  his  own  days  to  add  to  the  number  of 
his  friend's. 

I  do  not  hear  that  any  of  the  queen's  subjects, 
particularly  the  heef-eaters,  as  they  are  vulgarly 
called  to  this  day,  however  they  might  be  struck 
with  the  novelty  at  the  time,  much  approved  of 
her  living  totally  withoift  food.  She  did  not 
survive  the  practice  herself  above  seven  years 
and  a  half 

My  father,  who  was  the  immediate  possessor 
of  this  sling  before  me,  told  me  the  following 
anecdote  : — 

He  was  walking  by  the  seashore  at  Harwich, 


BARON  MUNCHAUSJEN,  .       55 

with  this  sling  in  his  pocket;  before  his  paces 
had  covered  a  mile  he  was  attacked  by  a  fierce 
animal  called  a  seahorse,  open-mouthed,  who  ran 
at  him  with  great  fury  ;  he  hesitated  a  moment, 
then  took  out  his  sling,  retreated  back  about  a 
hundred  yards,  stooped  for  a  couple  of  pebbles, 
of  which  there  were  plenty  under  his  feet,  and 
slung  them  both  so  dexterously  at  the  animal, 
that  each  stone  put  out  an  eye,  and  lodged  in  the 
cavities  which  their  removal  had  occasioned. 
He  now  got  upon  his  back,  und  drove  him  into 
the  sea  ;  for  the  moment  he  lost  his  sight  he  lost 
also  his  ferocity,  and  became  as  tame  as  possible : 
the  sling  was  placed  as  a  bridle  in  his  mouth ; 
he  was  guided  with  the  greatest  facility  across  the 
ocean,  and  in  less  than  three  hours  they  both 
arrived  on  the  opposite  shore,  which  is  about 
thirty  leagues.  The  master  of  the  Three  Cups, 
at  Helvoetsluys,  in  Holland,  purchased  this 
marine  horse,  to  make  an  exhibition  of,  for  seven 
hundred  ducats,  which  was  upwards  of  three 
hundred  pounds,  and  the  next  day  my  father 
paid  his  passage  back  in  the  packet  to  Harwich. 
[My  father  made  several  curious  observations 
in  this  passage,  which  I  will  relate  hereafter.] 


CHAPTER  XII. 

The  frolic;  its  consequences — Windsor  Castle — St.  Paul's 
— College  of  Physicians — Undertakers,  sextons,  &c.,  al- 
most ruined — Industry  of  the  apothecaries. 

THE    FROLIC. 

HIS  famous  sling  makes  the  possessor 
equal  to  any  task  he  is  desirous  of  per- 
forming. 

I  made  a  balloon  of  such  extensive  dimensions, 
that  an  account  of  the  silk  it  contained  would 
exceed  all  credibility ;  every  mercer's  shop  and 
weaver's  stock  in  London,  Westminster,  and 
Spitalfields  contributed  to  it :  with  this  balloon 
and  my  sling  I  played  many  tricks,  such  as 
taking  one  house  from  its  station  and  placing 
another  in  its  stead,  without  disturbing  the  in- 

(86) 


BARON  MV  NCHAU  SEN,  37 

habitants,  who  were  generally  asleep,  or  too  much 
employed  to  observe  the  peregrinations  of  their 
habitations.  When  the  sentinel  at  Windsor 
Castle  heard  St.  Paul's  clock  strike  thirteen,  it 
w\as  through  my  dexterity ;  I  brought  the  build- 
ings nearly  together  that  night,  by  placing  the 
castle  in  St.  George's  Fields,  and  carried  it  back 
again  before  daylight,  without  waking  any  of 
the  inhabitants ;  notwithstanding  these  exploits, 
I  should  have  kept  my  balloon  and  its  properties 
a  secret,  if  Montgolfier  had  not  made  the  art  of 
flying  so  public. 

On  the  30th  of  September,  when  the  College  * 
of  Physicians  chose  their  annual  officers,  and 
dined  sumptuously  together,  I  filled  my  balloon, 
brought  it  over  the  dome  of  their  building, 
clapped  the  sling  round  the  golden  ball  at  the 
top,  fastening  the  other  end  of  it  to  the  balloon, 
and  immediately  ascended  with  the  whole  college 
to  an  immense  height,  where  I  kept  them  up- 
wards of  three  months.  You  will  naturally  in- 
quire what  they  did  for  food  such  a  length  of 
time?  'To  this  I  answer.  Had  I  kept  them  sus- 
pended twice  the  time,  they  would  have  ex- 
perienced no  inconvenience  on  that  account,  so 


gg  BARON  MUNCHAUSEN. 

amply,  or  rather  extravagantly,  had  they  spread 
their  table  for  that  day's  feasting. 

Though  this  was  meant  as  an  innocent  frolic, 
it  was  productive  of  much  mischief  to  several 
respectable  characters  amongst  the  clergy,  under- 
takers, sextons  and  grave-diggers :  they  were,  it 
must  be  acknowledged,  sufferers ;  for  it  is  a  wellr 
known  fact,  that  during  the  three  months  the 
college  was  suspended  in  the  air,  and  therefore 
incapable  of  attending  their  patients,  no  deaths 
happened,  except  a  few  who  fell  before  the  scythe 
of  Father  Time,  and  some  melancholy  objects 
*  who,  perhaps  to  avoid  some  trifling  inconvenience 
here,  laid  the  hands  of  violence  upon  themselves, 
and  plunged  into  misery  infinitely  greater  than 
that  which  they  hoped  by  such  a  rash  step  to 
avoid,  without  a  moment's  consideration. 

If  the  apothecaries  had  not  been  very  active 
during  the  above  time,  half  the  undertakers  in 
all  probability  would  have  been  bankrupts. 


CHAPTER  XIII. 


A   TRIP   TO   THE   NORTH. 

The  Baron  sails  with  Captain  Phipps,  attacks  two  large 
bears,  and  has  a  very  narrow  escape— Gains  the  confi- 
dence of  these  animals,  and  then  destroys  thousands  of 
them ;  loads  the  ship  with  their  hams  and  skins  ;  makes 
presents  of  the  former,  and  obtains  a  general  invitation 
to  all  city  feasts — A  dispute  between  the  captain  and  the 
Baron,  in  which,  from  motives  of  politeness,  the  captain 
is  suffered  to  gain  his  point — The  Baron  declines  the 
honor  of  a  throne,  and  an  empress  into  the  bargain. 

E  all  remember  Captain  Pbipps's  (now 
Lord  Mulgrave)  last  voyage  of  disco- 
very to  the  north.  I  accompanied  the 
captain,  not  as  an  officer,  but  a  private  friend. 
When  we  arrived  in  a  high  northern  latitude  I 
was  viewing  the  objects  around  me  with  the  tel- 
escope which  I  introduced  to  your  notice  in  my 
Gibraltar  adventures.    I  thought  I  saw  two  large 

(89) 


90  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS   OF 

white  bears  in  violent  action  upon  a  body  of  ice 
considerably  above  the  masts,  and  about  half  a 
league  distance.  I  immediately  took  my  carbine, 
slung  it  across  my  shoulder,  and  ascended  the 
ice.  When  I  arrived  at  the  top,  the  unevenness 
of  the  surface  made  my  approach  to  those  ani- 
mals troublesome  and  hazardous  beyond  expres- 
sion :  sometimes  hideous  cavities  opposed  me, 
which  I  was  obliged  to  spring  over;  in  other 
parts  the  surface  was  as  smooth  as  a  mirror,  and 
I  was  continually  falling :  as  I  approached  near 
enough  to  reach  them,  I  found  they  were  only  at 
play.  I  immediately  began  to  calculate  the  value 
of  their  skins,  for  they  were  each  as  large  as  a 
well-fed  ox :  unfortunately,  the  very  instant  I 
was  presenting  my  carbine  my  right  foot  slipped, 
I  fell  upon  my  back,  and  the  violence  of  the  blow 
deprived  me  totally  of  my  senses  for  nearly  half 
an  hour;  however,  when  I  recovered,  judge  of 
my  surprise  at  finding  one  of  those  large  animals 
I  have  been  just  describing  had  turned  me  upon 
my  face,  and  was  just  laying  hold  of  the  waist- 
band of  my  breeches,  which  were  then  new  and 
made  of  leather  :  he  was  certainly  going  to  carry 
me  feet  foremost,  God  knows  where,  when  I  took 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  91 

this  knife  (showing  a  large  clasp  knife)  out  of  my 
side  pocket,  made  a  chop  at  one  of  his  hind  feet, 
and  cut  off  three  of  his  toes;  he  immediately  let 
me  drop  and  roared  most  horribly.  I  took  up 
my  carbine  and  fired  at  him  as  he  ran  off;  he  fell 
directly.  The  noise  of  the  piece  roused  several 
thousands  of  these  white  bears,  who  were  asleep 
upon  the  ice  within  half  a  mile  of  me ;  they 
came  immediately  to  the  spot.  "  There  was  no 
time  to  be  lost.  A  most  fortunate  thought  arrived 
in  my  pericranium  just  at  that  instant.  I  took 
off  the  skin  and  head  of  the  dead  bear  in  half 
the  time  that  some  people  would  be  in  skinning 
a  rabbit,  and  wrapped  myself  in  it,  placing  my 
own  head  directly  under  Bruin's;  the  whole  herd 
came  round  me  immediately,  and  my  apprehen-' 
sions  threw  me  into  a  most  piteous  situation  to 
be  sure  :  however,  my  scheme  turned  out  a  most 
admirable  one  for  my  own  safety.  They  all 
came  smelling,  and  evidently  took  me  for  a 
brother  Bruin ;  I  wanted  notliing  but  bulk  to 
make  an  excellent  counterfeit :  however,  I  saw 
several  cubs  amongst  them  not  much  larger  than 
myself.  After  they  had  all  smelt  me,  and  the 
body  of  their  deceased  companion,  whose  skin 


92  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS   OF 

was  now  become  my  protector,  we  seemed  very 
sociable,  and  I  found  I  could  mimic  all  their  ac- 
tions tolerably  well;  but  at  growling,  roaring, 
and  hugging  they  were  quite  my  masters.  I  be- 
gan now  to  think  how  I  might  turn  the  general 
confidence  which  I  had  created  amongst  these 
animals  to  my  advantage. 

I  had  heard  an  old  army  surgeon  say  a  wound 
in  the  spine  was  instant  death.  I  now  deter- 
mined to  try  the  experiment,  and  had  again  re- 
course to  my  knife,  wdth  which  I  struck  the 
largest  in  the  back  of  the  neck,  near  the  shoulders, 
but  under  great  apprehensions,  not  doubting  but 
the  creature  would,  if  he  survived  the  stab,  tear 
me  to  pieces.  However,  1  was  remarkably  fortu- 
nate, for  he  fell  dead  at  my  feet  without  making 
the  least  noise.  I  was  now  resolved  to  demolish 
them  every  one  in  the  same  manner,  which  I 
accomplished  without  the  least  difficulty  ;  for, 
although  they  saw  their  companions  fall,  they 
had  no  suspicion  of  either  the  cause  or  the  effect. 
When  they  all  lay  dead  before  me,  I  felt  myself 
a  second  Samson,  having  slain  my  thousands. 

To  make  short  of  the  story,  I  went  back  to 
the  ship,  and  borrowed  three  parts  of  the  crew 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  93 

to  assist  me  in  skinning  them,  and  carrying  the 
hams  on  board,  which  we  did  in  a  fiew  hours, 
and  loaded  the  ship  with  them.  As  to  the  other 
parts  of  the  animals,  they  were  thrown  into  the 
sea,  though  I  doubt  not  but  the  whole  would 
eat  as  well  as  the  legs,  were  they  properly  cured. 

As  soon  as  we  returned  I  sent  some  of  the 
hams,  in  the  captain's  name,  to  the  Lords  of  the 
Admiralty,  others  to  the  Lords  of  the  Treasury, 
some  to  the  Lord  Mayor  and  Corporation  of 
London,  a  few  to  each  of  the  trading  companies, 
and  the  remainder  to  my  particular  friends, 
from  all  of  whom  I  received  warm  thanks;  but 
from  the  city  I  was  honored  with  substantial 
notice,  viz.,  an  invitation  to  dine  at  Guildhall 
annually  on  Lord  Mayor's  day. 

The  bear-skins  I  sent  to  the  Empress  of  Rus- 
sia, to  clothe  her  majesty  and  her  court  in  the 
winter,  for  which  she  wrote  me  a  letter  of  thanks 
with  her  own  hand,  and  sent  it  by  an  ambassador 
extraordinary,  inviting  me  to  share  the  honors 
of  her  bed  and  crown ;  but  as  I  never  was  ambi- 
tious of  royal  dignity,  I  declined  her  majesty's 
favor  in  the  politest  terms.  The  same  ambas-' 
sador  had  orders  to  wait  and  bri»g  my  answer  to 


94  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS   OF 

her  majesty  personally,  upon  which  business  he 
was  absent  about  three  months :  her  majesty's 
reply  convinced  me  of  the  strength  of  her  affec- 
tions, and  the  dignity  of  her  mind ;  her  late 
indisposition  was  entirely  owing  (as  she,  kind 
creature  !  was  pleased  to  express  herself  in  a  late 
conversation  with  the  Prince  Dolgoroucki)  to 
my  cruelty.  What  the  sex  see  in  me  I  cannot 
conceive,  but  the  Empress  is  not  the  only  female 
sovereign  who  has  offered  me  her  hand. 

Some  people  have  very  illiberally  reported 
that  Captain  Phipps  did  not  proceed  as  far  as  he 
might  have  done  upon  that  expedition.  Here 
it  becomes  my  duty  to  acquit  him  ;  our  ship  was 
in  a  very  proper  trim  till  I  loaded  it  with  such 
an  immense  quantity  of  bear-skins  and  hams, 
after  which  it  would  have  been  madness  to  have 
attempted  to  proceed  further,  as  we  were  now 
scarcely  able  to  combat  a  brisk  gale,  much  less 
those  mountains  of  ice  which  lay  in  the  higher 
latitudes. 

The  captain  has  since  often  expressed  a  dis- 
satisfaction that  he  had  no  share  in  the  honors 
of  that  day,  which  he  emphatically  called  hear- 
skin  day.     He^as  also   been  very  desirous  of 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN,  95 

knowing  by  what  art  I  destroyed  so  many 
thousands,  without  fatigue  dV  danger  to  myself; 
indeed,  he  is  so  ambitious  of  dividing  the  glory 
with  me,  that  we  have  actually  quarrelled  about 
it,  and  we  are  not  now  upon  speaking  terms. 
He  boldly  asserts  I  had  no  merit  in  deceiving 
the  bears,  because  I  was  covered  with  one  of 
their  skins ;  nay,  he  declares  there  is  not,  in  his 
opinion,  in  Europe,  so  complete  a  bear  naturally 
as  himself  among  the  human  species. 

He  is  now  a  noble  peer,  and  I  am  too  well 
acquainted  with  good  manners  to  dispute  so 
delicate  a  point  with  his  lordship. . 


CHAPTEK  XIV. 

Our  Baron  excels  Baron  Tott  beyond  all  comparison,  yet 
fails  in  part  of  his  attempt — Gets  into  disgrace  with  the 
Grand  Seignior,  who  orders  his  head  to  be  cut  off — 
Escapes,  and  gets  on  board  a  vessel,  in  which  he  is  car- 
ried to  Venice — Baron  Tott's  origin,  with  some  account 
of  that  great  man's  parents — Pope  Ganganelli's  amour 
— His  Holiness  fond  of  shell-fish. 


jARON  DE  TOTT,  in  his  Memoirs, 
makes  as  great  a  parade  of  a  single 
act  as  many  travellers  whose  whole 
lives  have  been  spent  in  seeing  the  different 
parts  of  the  globe ;  for  my  part,  if  I  had  been 
blown  from  Europe  to  Asia  from  the  mouth  of 
a  cannon,  I  should  have  boasted  less  of  it 
afterwards  than  he  has  done  of  only  firing  off  a 

(96)       - 


BAR  ON  MUNCHA  USEN.  97 

Turkish  piece  of  ordnance.  What  he  says  of 
this  wonderful  gun,  as  near  as  my  memory  will 
serve  me,  is  this :  "  The  Turks  had  placed  be- 
low the  castle,  and  near  the  city,  on  the  banks 
of  Simois,  a  celebrated  river,  an  enormous  piece 
of  ordnance  cast  in  brass,  which  would  carry  a 
marble  ball  of  eleven  hundred  pounds  weight. 
I  was  inclined,"  says  Tott,  "  to  fire  it,  but  I  was 
willing  first  to  judge  of  its  effect;  the  crowd 
about  me  trembled  at  this  proposal,  as  they 
asserted  it  would  overthrow  not  only  the  castle, 
but  the  city  also ;  at  length  their  fears  in  part 
subsided,  and  I  was  permitted  to  discharge  it. 
It  required  not  less  than  three  hundred  and 
thirty  pounds  weight  of  powder,  and  the  ball 
weighed,  as  before  mentioned,  eleven  hundred- 
weight. When  the  engineer  brought  the  prim- 
ing, the  crowds  who  were  about  me  retreated 
back  as  fast  as  they  could ;  nay,  it  was  with  the 
utmost  difficulty  I  pursuaded  the  Pacha,  who 
came  on  purpose,  there  was  no  danger  :  even  the 
engineer  who  was  to  discharge  it  by  my  direction 
was  considerably  alarmed.  I  took  my  stand  on 
some  stone-work  behind  the  cannon,  gave  the 
signal,  and  felt  a  shock  like  that  of  an  earth- 
7 


98  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

quake  !  At  the  distance  of  three  hundred  fathom 
the  ball  burst  into  three  pieces ;  the  fragments 
crossed  the  strait,  rebounded  on  the  opposite 
mountain,  and  left  the  surftice  of  the  water  all 
in  a  foam  through  the  whole  breadth  of  the 
channel.'* 

This,  gentlemen,  is,  as  near  as  I  can  recollect, 
Baron  Tott's  account  of  the  largest  cannon  in 
the  known  world.  Now,  when  I  was  there  not 
long  since,  the  anecdote  of  Tott's  tiring  this  tre- 
mendous piece  was  mentioned  as  a  proof  of  that 
gentleman's  extraordinary  courage. 

I  was  determined .  not  to  be  outdone  by  a 
Frenchman,  therefore  took  this  very  piece  upon 
my  shoulder,  and,  after  balancing  it  properly, 
jumped  into  the  sea  with  it,  and  swam  to  the 
opposite  shore,  from  whence  I  unfortunately  at- 
tempted to  throw  it  back  into  its  former  place. 
I  say  unfortunately,  for  it  slipped  a  little  in  my 
hand  just  as  I  was  about  to  discharge  it,  and  in 
consequence  of  that  it  fell  into  the  middle  of  the 
channel,  where  it  now  lies,  without  a  prospect  of 
ever  recovering  it :  and  notwithstanding  the  high 
favor  I  was  in  with  the  Grand  Seignior,  as  before 
mentioned,  this  cruel  Turk,  as  soon  as  he  heard 


BARON  MUNCHA  USEN.  99 

of  the  loss  of  his  famous  piece  of  ordnance,  is- 
sued an  order  to  cut  off  my  head.  I  was  im- 
mediately informed  of  it  by  one  of  the  Sultanas, 
with  whom  I  was  become  a  great  favorite,  and 
she  secreted  me  in  her  apartment  while  the 
officer  charged  with  my  execution  was,  with  his 
assistants,  in  search  of  me. 

That  very  night  I  made  my  escape  on  board  a 
vessel  bound  to  Venice,  which  was  then  weighing 
anchor  to  proceed  on  her  voyage. 

The  last  story,  gentlemen,  I  am  not  fond  of 
mentioning,  as  I  miscarried  in  the  attempt,  and 
was  very  near  losing  my  life  into  the  bargain ; 
however,  as  it  contains  no  impeachment  of  my 
honor,  I  would  not  withhold  it  from  you. 

Now,  gentlemen,  you  all  know  me,  and  can 
have  no  doubt  of  my  veracity.  I  will  entertain 
you  with  the  origin  of  this  same  swaggering, 
bouncing  Tott. 

His  reputed  father  was  a  native  of  Berne,  in 
Switzerland ;  his  profession  was  that  of  a  sur- 
veyor of  the  streets,  lanes,  and  alleys,  vulgarly 
called  a  scavenger.  His  mother  was  a  native  of 
the  mountains  of  Savoy,  and  had  a  most  beauti- 
ful large  wen  on  her  neck,  common  to  both  sexes 


100  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

in  that  part  of  the  world ;  she  left  her  parents 
when  young,  and  sought  her  fortune  in  the  same 
city  which  gave  his  father  birth  ;  she  maintained 
herself  while  single  by  acts  of  kindness  to  our 
sex,  for  she  never  was  known  to  refuse  them  any 
favor  they  asked,  provided  they  did  but  pay 
her  some  compliment  beforehand.  This  lovely 
couple  met  by  accident  in  the  street,  in  conse- 
quence of  their  being  both  intoxicated,  for  by 
reeling  to  one  centre  they  threw  each  other  down : 
this  created  mutual  abuse,  in  which  they  were 
complete  adepts ;  they  were  both  carried  to  the 
watch-house,  and  afterwards  to  the  house  of  cor- 
rection; they  soon  saw  the  folly  of  quarrelling, 
made  it  up,  became  fond  of  each  other,  and  mar- 
ried ;  but  madam  returning  to  her  old  tricks,  his 
father,  who  had  high  notions  of  honor,  soon 
separated  himself  from  her ;  she  then  joined  a 
family  who  strolled  about  with  a  puppet-show. 
In  time  she  arrived  at  Rome,  where  she  kept  an 
oyster-stand.  You  have  all  heard,  no  doubt,  of 
Pope  Ganganelli,  commonly  called  Clement 
Xiy.  :  he  was  remarkably  fond  of  oysters.  One 
Good    Friday,   as    he    was   passing  through  this 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  IQl 

famous  city  in  state,  to  assist  at  high  mass  at  St. 
Peter's  Church,  he  saw  this  woman's  oysters 
(which  were  remarkably  fine  and  fresh)  ;  he 
could  not  proceed  without  tasting  them.  There 
were  about  five  thousand  people  in  his  train ;  he 
ordered  them  all  to  stop,  and  sent  word  to  the 
church  he  could  not  attend  mass  till  next  day ; 
then  alighting  from  his  horse  (for  the  Pope 
always  rides  on  horseback  upon  these  occasions) 
he  went  into  her  stall,  and  ate  every  oyster  she 
had  there,  and  afterwards  retired  into  the  cellar 
where  she  had  a  few  more.  This  subterraneous 
apartment  was  her  kitchen,  parlor,  and  bedcham- 
ber. He  liked  his  situation  so  much  that  he 
discharged  all  his  attendants,  and  to  make  short 
of  the  story.  His  Holiness  passed  the  whole  night 
there !  Before  they  parted  he  gave  her  absolu- 
tion, not  only  for  every  sin  she  had,  but  all  she 
might  hereafter  commit. 

[Now,  gentlemen,  I  have  his  mothers  word 
for  it  (and  her  honor  cannot  be  doubted),  that 
Baron  Tott  is  the  fruit  of  that  amour.  When 
Tott  was  born,  his  mother  applied  to  His  Holi- 
ness, as  the  father  of  her  child ;  he  immediately 


102 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN. 


placed  him  under  proper  people,  and  as  he  grew 
up  gave  him  a  gentleman's  education,  had  him 
taught  the  use  of  arms,  procured  him  promotion 
in  France,  and  a  title,  and  when  he  died  he  left 
him  a  good  estate.] 


CHAPTER  XV. 

A  further  account  of  the  journey  from  Harwich  to  Hel- 
voetsluys — Description  of  a  number  of  marine  objects 
never  mentioned  by  any  traveller  before — Rocks  seen  in 
this  passage  equal  to  the  Alps  in  magnitude;  lobsters, 
crabs,  &c.,  of  an  extraordinary  magnitude — A  woman's 
life  saved — The  cause  of  her  falling  into  the  sea — Dr. 
Hawes's  directions  followed  with  success. 


OMITTED  several  very  material  parts 
in  my  father's  journey  across  the  Eng- 
lish Channel  to  Holland,  which,  that 
they  may  not  be  totally  lost.  I  wM.  now  faith- 
fully give  you  in  his  own  words,  as  1  heard  him 
relate  them  to  his  friends  several  times. 

"  On  my   arrival,"  says   my  fiither,  "  at  Hel- 
voetsluys,  I  was  observed  to  breathe  with  some 

(103) 


104  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

difficulty;  upon  the  inhabitants  inquiring  into 
the  cause,  I  informed  them  that  the  animal  upon 
whose  back  I  rode  from  Harwich  across  to  their 
shore  did  not  swim  !  Such  is  their  peculiar  form 
and  disposition,  that  they  cannot  float  or  move 
upon  the  surface  of  the  water ;  he  ran  with  incred- 
ible swiftness  upon  the  sands  from  shore  to  shore, 
driving  fish  in  millions  before  him,  many  of  which 
were  quite  different  from  any  I  had  yet  seen, 
carrying  their  heads  at  the  extremity  of  their 
tails.  I  crossed,"  continued  he,  "  one  prodigious 
range  of  rocks,  equal  in  height  to  the  Alps  (the 
tops  or  highest  part  of  these  marine  mountains 
are  said  to  be  upwards  of  one  hundred  fathoms 
below  the  surface  of  the  sea),  on  the  sides  of 
which  there  was  a  great  variety  of  tall,  noble 
trees,  loaded  with  marine  fruit,  such  as  lobsters, 
crabs,  oysters,  scollops,  mussels,  cockles,  &c.,&c. ; 
some  of  which  were  a  cart-load  singly  !  and.  none 
less  than  a  porter's !  All  those  which  are  brought 
on  shore  a-n#sold  in  our  markets  are  of  an  infe- 
rior dwarf  kind,  or,  properly,  waterMls,  i.  e.,  fruit 
shook  off  the  branches  of  the  tree  it  grows  upon 
by  the  motion  of  the  water,  as  those  in  our  gardens 
are  by  that  of.  the  wind  !     The  lobster-trees  ap- 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  IQg 

peared  the  richest,  but  the  crab  and  oysters  were 
the  tallest.  The  periwinkle  is  a  kind  of  shrub ; 
it  grows  at  the  foot  of  the  oyster-tree,  and  twines 
around  it  as  the  ivy  does  the  oak.  I  observed  the 
effect  of  several  accidents  by  shipwreck,  &c.,  par- 
ticularly a  ship  that  had  been  wrecked  by  strik- 
ing against  a  mountain  or  rock,  the  top  of  which 
lay  within  three  fathoms  of  the  surface.  As  she 
sunk  she.  fell  upon  her  side,  and  forced  a  very 
large  lobster-tree  out  of  its  place.  It  was  in  the 
spring,  when  the  lobsters  were  very  young,  and 
many  of  them  being  separated  by  the  violence  of 
the  shock,  they  fell  upon  a  crab- tree  which  was 
growing  below  them ;  they  have,  like  the  farina 
of  plants,  united,  and  produced  a  fish  resembling 
both.  I  endeavored  to  bring  one  with  me,  but  it 
was  too  cumbersome,  and  my  salt-water  Pegasus 
seemed  much  displeased  at  every  attempt  to  stop 
his  career  whilst  I  continued  upon  his  back; 
besides,  I  was  then,  though  galloping  over  a 
mountain  of  rocks  that  lay  about  midway  the 
passage,  at  least  five  hundred  fathom  below  the 
surface  of  the  sea,  and  began  to  find  the  want  of 
air  inconvenient,  therefore  I  had  no  inclination 
to  prolong  the  time.     Add  to  this,  my  situation 


106  ORIGINAL   TRAVELS   OF 

was  in  other  respects  very  unpleasant;  I  met 
many  large  fish,  who  were,  if  I  could  judge  by 
their  open  mouths,  not  only  able,  but  really 
wished  to  devour  us ;  now,  as  my  Rosinante  was 
blind,  I  had  these  hungry  gentlemen's  attempts 
to  -guard  against,  in  addition  to  my  other  diffi- 
culties. 

"  As  we  drew  near  the  Dutch  shore,  and  the 
body  of  water  over  our  heads  did  not  exceed 
twenty  fathoms,  I  thought  I  saw  a  human  figure 
in  a  female  dress  then  lying  on  the- sand  before 
ma  with  some  signs  of  life;  when  I  came  close  I 
perceived  her  hand  move;  I  took  it  into  mine, 
and  brought  her  on  shore  as  a  corpse.  An  apoth- 
ecary, who  had  just  been  instructed  by  Dr.  Hawes 
(the  Baron's  father  must  have  lived  very  lately 
if  Dr.  Hawes  was  his  preceptor),  of  London, 
treated  her  properly,  and  she  recovered.  She 
was  the  rib  of  a  man  who  commanded  a  vessel 
belonging  to  Helvoetsluys.  He  was  just  going 
out  of  port  on  a  voyage,  when  she,  hearing  he 
had  got  a  mistress  with  him,  followed  him  in  an 
open  boat.  As  soon  as  she  had  got  on  the  quar- 
ter-deck she  flew  at  her  husband,  and  attempted 
to   strike  him  wuth  such  impetuosity,  that  he 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  107 

thought  it  most  prudent  to  slip  on  one  side,  and 
let  her  make  the  impression  of  her  fingers  upon 
the  waves  rather  than  his  face  :  he  was  not  much 
out  in  his  ideas  of  the  consequence  ;  for  meeting 
no  opposition,  she  went  directly  overboard,  and 
it  was  my  unfortunate  lot  to  lay  the  foundation 
for  bringing  this  happy  pair  together  again. 

"  I  can  easily  conceive  what  execrations  the 
husband  loaded  me  with  when,  on  his  return,  he 
found  this  gentle  creature  waiting  his  arrival, 
and  learned  the  means  by  which  she  came  into 
the  world  again.  However,  great  as  the  injury  is 
which  I  have  done  this  poor  devil,  I  hope  he  will 
die  in  charity  with  me,  as  my  motive  was  good, 
though  the  consequences  to  him  are,  it  must  be 
confessed,  horrible." 


CHAPTER  XVI. 

This  is  a  very  short  chapter,  but  contains  a  fact  for  which 
the  Baron's  memory  ought  to  be  dear  to  every  English- 
man, especially  those  who  may  hereafter  have  the  mis- 
fortune of  being  made  prisoners  of  war. 


IN  my  return  from  Gibraltar  I  travelled 
by  way  of  France  to  England.  Being 
a  foreigner,  this  was  not  attended  with 
any  inconvenience  to  me.  I  found,  in  the  har- 
bor of  Calais,  a  ship  just  arrived  with  a  number 
of  English  sailors  as  prisoners  of  war.  I  imme- 
diately conceived  an  idea  of  giving  these  brave 
fellows  their  liberty,  which  I  accomplished  as 
follows :  After  forming  a  pair  of  large  wings, 
each  of  them  forty  yards  long,  and  fourteen 
wide,  and  annexing  them  to  myself,  I  mounted 
at  break  of  day.  when  every  creature,  even  the 

(108) 


BARON  MUNCHA  USEK.  109 

watch  upon  deck,  was  fast  asleep.  As  I  hovered 
ovei:  the  ship  I  fastened  three  grappling  irons  to 
the  tops  of  the  three  masts  with  my  sling,  and 
ftiirly  lifted  her  several  yards  out  of  the  water, 
and  then  proceeded  across  to  Dover,  where  I 
arrived  in  half  an  hour!  Having  no  further 
occasion  for  these  wings,  I  made  them  a  present 
to  the  governor  of  Dover  Castle,  where  they  are 
now  exhibited  to  the  curious. 

As  to  the  prisoners,  and  the  Frenchmen  who 
guarded  them,  they  did  not  awake  till  they  had 
been  near  two  hours  on  Dover  Pier.  The 
moment  the  English  understood  their  situation 
they  changed  places  with  their  guard,  and  took 
back  what  they  had  been  plundered  of,  but  no 
more,  for  they  w^ere  too  generous  to  retaliate  and 
plunder  them  in  return. 


CHAPTER  XVII. 

V^oyage  eastward — The  Baron  introduces  a  friend  who  never 
deceived  him  ;  wins  a  hundred  guineas  by  pinning  his 
faith  upon  that  friend's  nose — Game  started  at  sea — 
Some  other  circumstances  which  will,  it  is  hoped,  afford 
the  reader  no  small  degree  of  amusement. 


N  a  voyage  which  I  made  to  the  East 
Indies  with  Captain  Hamilton,  I  took 
a  favorite  pointer  with  me ;  he  was,  to 
use  a  common  phrase,  worth  his  weight  in  gold, 
for  he  never  deceived  me.  One  day  w^hen  we 
were,  by  the  best  observations  we  could  make, 
at  least  three  hundred  leagues  from  land,  my 
dog  pointed ;  I  observed  him  for  near  an  hour 
with  astonishment,  and    mentioned  the  circum- 

(110) 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  \l\ 

stance  to  the  captain  and  every  officer  on  board, 
asserting  that  we  must  be  near  land,  for  my  dog 
smelt  game.  This  occasioned  a  general  laugh ; 
but  that  did  not  alter  in  the  least  the  good  opin- 
ion I  had  of  my  dog.  After  much  conversation 
pro  and  con,  I  boldly  told  the  captain  I  placed 
more  confidence  in  Tray's  nose  than^I  did  in  the 
eyes  of  every  seaman  on  board,  and  therefore 
proposed  laying  the  sum  I  had  agreed  to  pay  for 
my  passage  (viz.,  one  hundred  guineas)  that  we 
should  find  game  within  half  an  hour.  The 
captain  (a  good,  hearty  fellow)  laughed  again, 
desired  Mr.  Crowford,  the  surgeon,  who  was  pre- 
pared, to  feel  my  pulse ;  he  did  so,  and  reported 
me  in  perfect  health.  The  following  dialogue 
between  them  took  place  ;  I  overheard  it,  though 
spoken  low,  and  at  some  distance. 

Captain. — His  brain  is  turned  ;  I  cannot  with 
honor  accept  his  wager. 

Surgeon. — I  am  of  a  different  opinion ;  he  is 
quite  sane,  and  depends  more  upon  the  scent  of 
his  dog  than  he  will  upon  the  judgment  of  all 
the  officers  on  board ;  he  will  certainly  lose,  and 
he  richly  merits  it. 

Captain. — Such  a  wager  cannot  be  fair  on  my 


112  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

side ;  however,  I'll  take  him  up,  if  I  return  his 
money  afterwards. 

During  the  above  conversation  Tray  continued 
in  the  same  situation,  and  confirmed  me  still 
more  in  my  former  opinion.  I  proposed  the 
wager,  a  second  time,  it  was  then  accepted. 

Done !  and  done !  were  scarcely  said  on  both 
sides,  when  some  sailors  Avho  were  fishing  in  the 
long-boat,  which  was  made  fast  to  the  stern  of 
the  ship,  harpooned  an  exceeding  large  shark, 
which  they  brought  on  board  and  began  to  cut 
up  for  the  purpose  of  barrelling  the  oil,  when, 
behold,  they  found  no  less  than  6^ix  brace  of  live 
partridges  in  this  animal's  stomach  ! 

They  had  been  so  long  in  that  situation,  that 
one  of  the  hens  was  sitting  upon  four  eggs,  and 
a  fifth  was  hatching  when  the  shark  was 
opened  !  !  !  This  young  bird  we  brought  up  by 
placing  it  with  a  litter  of  kittens  that  came  into 
the  world  a  few  minutes  before!  The  old  cat 
was  as  fond  of  it  as  of  any  of  her  own  four-legged 
progeny,  and  made  herself  very  unhappy,  when 
it  flew  out  of  her  reach,  till  it  returned  again. 
As  to  the  other  partridges,  there  were  four  hens 
amongst   them ;  one  or  more  were,  during   the 


BARON  MUNCH  A  USEN. 


113 


voyage,  constantly  sitting,  and  consequently  we 
had  plenty  of  game  at  the  captain's  table ;  and 
in  gratitude  to  poor  Tray  (for  being  a  means  of 
winning  one  hundred  guineas)  I  ordered  him  the 
bones  daily,  and  sometimes  a  whole  bird. 


8 


CHAPTER  XVIII. 

A  second  visit  (but  an  accidental  one)  to  the  moon — The 
ship  driven  by  a  whirlwind  a  thousand  leagues  above  the 
surface  of  the  water,  where  a  new  atmosphere  meets  them 
and  carries  them  into  a  capacious  harbor  in  the  moon — 
A  description  of  the  inhabitants,  and  their  manner  of 
coming  into  the  lunarian  world — Animals,  customs,  weap- 
ons of  war,  wine,  vegetables,  &c. 

A   SECOND   TRIP   TO    THE   MOON". 


HAVE  already  informed  you  of  one 
trip  I  made  to  the  moon,  in  search  of 
my  silver  hatchet;  I  afterwards  made 
another  in  a  much  pleasanter  manner,  and  stayed 
in  it  long  enough  to  take  notice  of  several  things, 
which  I  will  endeavor  to  describe  as  accurately 
as  my  memory  will  permit. 

(114) 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  II5 

I  went  on  a  voyage  of  discovery  at  the  request 
of  a  distant  relation,  who  had  a  strange  notion 
that  there  were  people  to  be  found  equal  in  mag- 
nitude to  those  described  by  Gulliver  in  the  em- 
j)ire  of  Brobdignag.  For  my  part  I  always 
treated  that  account  as  fabulous;  however,  to 
oblige  him,  for  he  had  made  me  his  heir,  I  under- 
took it,  and  sailed  for  the  South  seas,  where  we 
arrived  without  meeting  with  anything  remark- 
able, except  some  flying  men  and  women  who 
were  playing  at  leap-frog,  and  dancing  minuets 
in  the  air. 

On  the  eighteenth  day  after  we  had  passed  the 
Island  of  Otaheite,  mentioned  by  Captain  Cook 
as  the  place  from  whence  they  brought  Omai,  a 
hurricane  blew  our  ship  at  least  one  thousand 
leagues  above  the  surface  of  the  water,  and  kept 
it  at  that  height 'till  a  fresh  gale  arising  filled  the 
sails  in  every  part,  and  onwards  we  travelled  at 
a  prodigious  rate ;  thus  we  proceeded  above  the. 
clouds  for  six  weeks.  At  last  we  discovered  a 
great  land  in  the  sky,  like  a  shining  island,  round 
and  bright,  where,  coming  into  a  convenient  har- 
bor, we  went  on  shore,  and  soon  found  it  was  in- 
habited.    Below  us  we  saw  another  earth,  con- 


116  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

taining  cities,  trees,  mountains,  rivers,  seas,  &c., 
which  we  conjectured  was  this  world  which  w^e 
had  left.  Here  we  saw  huge  figures  riding  upon 
vultures  of  a  prodigious  size,  and  each  of  them 
having  three  heads.  To  form  some  idea  of  the 
magnitude  of  these  birds,  I  must  inform  you  that 
each  of  their  wings  is  as  wide  and  six  times  the 
length  of  the  main  sheet  of  our  vessel,  which  was 
about  six  hundred  tons  burthen.  Thus,  instead 
of  riding  upon  horses,  as  we  do  in  this  world,  the 
inhabitants  of  the  moon  (for  we  now  found  we 
were  in  Madam  Luna)  fly  about  on  these  birds. 
The  king,  we  found,  was  engaged  in  a  war  with 
the  sun,  and  he  offered  me  a  commission,  but  I 
declined  the  honor  his  majesty  intended  me. 
Everything  in  this  world  is  of  extraordinary  mag- 
nitude !  a  common  flea  being  much  larger  than 
one  of  our  sheep  :  in  making  war,  their  principal 
weapons  are  radishes,  which  are  used  as  darts  : 
those  who  are  wounded  by  them  die  immediately. 
Their  shields  are  made  of  mushrooms,  and  their 
darts  (when  radishes  are  out  of  season)  of  the 
tops  of  asparagus.  Some  of  the  natives  of  the 
dog-star  are  to  be  seen  here  ;  commerce  tempts 
them  to  ramble  5  their  faces  are  like  large  mas- 


BAROK  MUNCHAUSEN-.  117 

tiffs',  with  their  eyes  near  the  lower  end  or  tip  of 
their  noses  :  they  have  no  eyelids,  but  cover  their 
eyes  with  the  end  of  their  tongues  when  they  go 
to  sleep ;  they  are  generally  twenty  feet  high. 
As  to  the  natives  of  the  moon,  none  of  them  are 
less  in  stature  than  thirty-six  feet:  they  are  not 
called  the  human  species,  but  the  cooking  animals, 
for  they  all  dress  their  food  by  fire,  as  we  do,  but 
lose  no  time  at  their  meals,  as  they  open  their 
left  side,  and  place  the  whole  quantity  at  once  in 
their  stomach,  then  shut  it  again  till  the  same 
day  in  the  next  month ;  for  they  never  indulge 
themselves  with  food  more  than  twelve  times  a 
year,  or  once  a  month.  All  but  gluttons  and 
epicures  must  prefer  this  method  to  ours. 

There  is  but  one  sex  either  of  the  cooking  or 
any  other  animals  in  the  moon ;  they  are  all 
produced  from  trees  of  various  sizes  and  foliage ; 
that  which  produces  the  cooking  animal,  or 
human  species,  is  much  more  beautiful  than 
any  of  the  others ;  it  has  large  straight  boughs 
and  flesh-colored  leaves,  and  the  fruit  it  produces 
are  nuts  or  pods,  w*ith  hard  shells  at  least  two 
yards  long ;  when  they  become  ripe,  which  is 
known  from  their  changing  color,  they  are  gath- 


118  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

ered  with  great  care,  and  laid  by  as  long  as  they 
think  proper :  when  they  choose  to  animate  the 
seed  of  these  nuts,  they  throw  them  into  a  large 
cauldron  of  boiling  water,  which  opens  the  shells 
in  a  few  hours,  and  out  jumps  the  creature. 

Nature  forms  their  minds  for  different  pursuits 
before  they  come  into  the  world ;  from  one  shell 
comes  forth  a  warrior,  from  another  a  philosopher, 
from  a  third  a  divine,  from  a  fourth  a  lawyer,  from 
a  fifth  a  farmer,  from  a  sixth  a  clown,  &c.,  &c., 
and  each  of  them  immediately  begins  to  perfect 
themselves,  by  practising  what  they  before  knew 
only  in  theory. 

When  they  grow  old  they  do  not  die,  but  turn 
into  air,  and  dissolve  like  smoke  !  As  for  their 
drink,  they  need  none ;  the  only  evacuations 
they  have  are  insensible,  and  by  their  breath. 
They  have  but  one  finger  upon  each  hand,  with 
which  they  perform  everything  in  as  perfect  a 
manner  as  we  do  who  have  four  besides  the 
thumb.  Their  heads  are  placed  under  their 
right  arm,  and  when  they  are  going  to  travel, 
or  about  any  violent  exercise,  they  generally 
leave  them  at  home,  for  they  can  consult  them 
at  any  distance ;  this  is  a  very  common  practice ; 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN-.  Hg 

and  when  those  of  rank  or  quality  among  the 
Lunarians  have  an  inclination  to  see  what's  go- 
ing forward  among  the  common  people,  they 
stay  at  home,  i.  e.,  the  hody  stays  at  home,  and 
sends  the  head  only,  which  is  suffered  to  be 
present  incog. y  and  return  at  pleasure  with  an 
account  of  what  has  passed. 

The  stones  of  their  grapes  are  exactly  like 
hail ;  and  I  am  perfectly  satisfied  that  when  a 
storm  or  high  wind  in  the  moon  shakes  their 
vines,  and  breaks  the  grapes  from  the  stalks,  the 
stones  fall  down  and  form  our  hail  showers.  I 
would  advise  those  who  are  of  my  opinion  to 
save  a  quantity  of  these  stones  when  it  hails 
next,  and  make  Lunarian  wine.  It  is  common 
beverage  at  St.  Luke's.  Some  material  circum- 
stances I  had  nearly  omitted.  They  put  their 
bellies  to  the  same  use  as  we  do  a  sack,  and 
throw  whatever  they  have  occasion  for  into  it, 
for  they  can  shut  and  open  it  again  when  the}^ 
please,  as  they  do  their  stomachs;  they  are  not 
troubled  with  bowels,  liver,  heart,  or  any  other 
intestines,  neither  are  they  encumbered  with 
clothes,  nor  is  there  any  part  of  their  bodies 
unseemly  or  indecent  to  exhibit. 


120  BARON  MUNCH  A  USEN. 

Their  eyes  they  can  take  in  and  out  of  their 
places  when  they  please,  and  can  see  as  well 
wath  them  in  their  hand  as  in  their  head !  and  if 
by  any  accident  they  lose  or  damage  one,  they 
can  borrow  or  purchase  another,  and  see  as 
clearly  with  it  as  their  own.  Dealers  in  eyes 
are  on  that  account  very  numerous  in  most 
parts  of  the  moon,  and  in  this  article  alone  all 
the  inabitants  are  whimsical :  sometimes  green 
and  sometimes  yellow  eyes  are  the  fashion.  I 
know  these  things  appear  strange ;  but  if  the 
shadow  of.  a  doubt  can  remain  on  any  person's 
mind,  I  say,  let  him  take  a  voyage  there  him- 
self, and  then  he  will  know  I  am  a  traveller  of 
veracity. 


^fe,;:.J|jg^^^ 

^p^:;|^aprp^|^ 

¥\ 

•Wi^^^ 

^^^M 

f 

CHAPTER  XIX. 

The  Baron  crosses  the  Thames  without  the  assistance  of  a 
bridge,  ship,  boat,  balloon  or  even  his  own  will :  rouses 
himself  after  a  long  nap,  and  destroys  a  monster  who 
lived  upon  the  destruction  of  others. 

|Y  first  visit  to  England  was  about  the 
beginning  of  tlie  present  king's  reign. 
I  had  occasion  to  go  down  to  Wapping, 
to  see  some  goods  shipped,  which  I  was  sending 
to  some  friends  at  Hamburgh  ;  after  that  busi- 
ness was  over,  I  took  the  Tower  Wharf  in  my 
way  back.  Here  I  found  the  sun  very  powerful, 
and  I  was  so  much  fatigued  that  I  stepped  into 
one  of  the  cannon  to  compose  me,  where  I  fell 
fast  asleep.  This  was  about  noon  :  it  was  the 
fourth    of  June ;  exactly    at  one   o'clock    these 

(121) 


122  ^^^  ON  MVNCHA  USEN. 

cannon  were  all  discharged  in  memory  of  the 
day.  They  had  been  all  charged  that  morning-, 
and  having  no  suspicion  of  my  situation^  I  was 
shot  over  the  houses  on  the  opposite  side  of  the 
river,  into  a  f^irmer's  yard,  between  Bermondsey 
and  Deptford,  where  I  fell  upon  a  hirge  liay-stack, 
without  waking,  and  continued  there  in  a  sound 
sleep  till  hay  became  so  extravagantly  dear 
(which  was  about  three  months  after),  that  the 
farmer  found  it  his  interest  to  send  his  whole 
stock  to  market :  the  stack  I  was  reposing  upon 
was  the  largest  in  the  yard,  containing  above 
five  hundred  loads ;  they  began  to  cat  that  first. 
I  woke  with  the  voices  of  the  people  who  had 
ascended  the  ladders  to  begin  at  the  top,  and  got 
up,  totally  ignorant  of  my  situation  :  in  attempt- 
ing to  run  away  I  fell  upon  the  farmer  to  whom 
the  hay  belonged,  and  broke  his  neck,  yet  re- 
ceived no  injury  myself.  I  afterwards  found, 
to  my  great  consolation,  that  this  fellow  was  a 
most  detestable  character,  always  keeping  the 
produce  of  his  grounds  for  extravagant  markets. 


CHAPTER  XX. 

The  Baron  slips  through  the  world ;  after  paying  a  visit  to 
Mount  Etna  he  finds  himself  in  the  South  Sea;  visits 
Vulcan  in  his  passage ;  gets  on  board  a  Dutchman  ;  ar- 
rives at  an  island  of  cheese,  surrounded  by  a  sea  of  milk ; 
describes  some  very  extraordinary  objects — Lose  their 
compass ;  their  ship  slips  between  the  teeth  of  a  fish  un- 
known in  this  part  of  the  world  ;  their  difficulty  in  escap- 
ing from  thence ;  arrive  in  the  Caspian  Sea — Starves  a 
bear  to  death — A  few  waistcoat  anecdotes — In  this  chap- 
ter, which  is  the  longest,  the  Baron  moralizes  upon  the 
virtue  of  veracity. 


R.  DRYBONES'S  Travels  to  Sicily, 
which  I  had  read  with  great  pleasure, 
induced  me  to  pay  a  visit  to  Mount 
Etna ;  my  voyage  to  this  place  was  not  attended 
with  any  circumstances  worth  relating.  One 
morning  early,  three  or  four  days  after  my  arrival. 

(123) 


124  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

I  set  oat  from  a  cottage  where  I  had  slept,  with- 
in six  miles  of  the  foot  of  the  mountain,  deter- 
mined to  explore  the  internal  parts,  if  I  perished 
in  the  attempt.  After  three  hours'  hard  labor  I 
found  myself  at  the  top ;  it  was  then,  and  had 
been  for  upwards  of  three  weeks,  raging :  its  ap- 
pearance in  this  state  has  been  so  frequently 
noticed  by  different  travellers,  that  I  will  not  tire 
you  with  descriptions  of  objects  you  are  already 
acquainted  with.  I  walked  round  the  edge  of 
the  crater,  which  appeared  to  be  fifty  times  at 
least  as  capacious  as  the  Devil's  Punch- Bowl  near 
Petersfield,  on  the  Portsmouth  Road,  but  not  so 
broad  at  the  bottom,  as  in  that  part  it  resembles 
the  contracted  part  of  a  funnel  more  than  a  punch- 
bowl. At  last,  having  made  up  my  mind,  in  I 
sprang  feet  foremost ;  I  soon  found  myself  in  a 
warm  berth,  and  my  body  bruised  and  burnt  in 
various  parts  by  the  red-bot  cinders,  which,  by 
their  violent  ascent,  opposed  my  descent :  how- 
ever, my  weight  soon  brought  me  to  the  bottom, 
w^here  I  found  myself  in  the  midst  of  noise  and 
clamor,  mixed  with  the  most  horrid  imprecations; 
after  recovering  my  senses,  and  feeling  a  reduc- 
tion of  my  pain,  I    began    to   look    about    me. 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  125 

Guess,  gentlemen,  my  astonishment,  when  I  found 
myself  in  the  company  of  Vulcan  and  his  Cyclops, 
who  had  been  quarrelling,  for  the  three  weeks 
before  mentioned,  about  the  observation  of  good 
order  and  due  subordination,  and  which  had  occa- 
sioned such  alarms  for  that  space  of  time  in  the 
world  above.  However,  my  arrival  restored 
peace  to  the  whole  society,  and  Vulcan  himself 
did  me  the  honor  of  applying  plasters  to  my 
w^ounds,  which  healed  them  immediately ;  he  also 
placed  refreshments  before  me,  particularly  nec- 
tar, and  other  rich  wines,  such  as  the  gods  and 
goddesses  only  aspire  to.  After  this  repast  was 
over  Vulcan  ordered  Venus  to  show  me  every  in- 
dulgence which  my  situation  required.  To  de- 
scribe the  apartment,  and  the  couch  on  which  I 
reposed,  is  totally  impossible,  therefore  I  will  not 
attempt  it;  let  it  suffice  to  say,  it  exceeds  the 
power  of  language  i6  do  it  justice,  or  speak  of 
that  kind-hearted  goddess  in  any  terms  equal  to 
her  merit. 

Vulcan  gave  me  a  very  concise  account  of 
Mount  Etna  :  he  said  it  was  nothing  more  than 
an  accumulation  of  ashes  thrown  from  his  forge; 
that   he  was  frequently  obliged  to  chastise   his 


126  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

people,  at  whom,  in  his  passion,  he  made  it  a 
practice  to  throw  red-hot  coals  at  home,  which 
they  often  parried  with  great  dexterity,  and  then 
threw  them  up  into  the  world  to  place  them  out 
of  his  reach,  for  they  never  attempted  to  assault 
him  in  return  by  throwing  them  back  again. 
"  Our  quarrels,"  added  he,^'  last  sometimes  three 
or  four  months,  and  these  appearances  of  coals 
or  cinders  in  the  world  are  what  I  find  you 
mortals  call  eruptions."  Mount  Vesuvius,  he 
assured  me,  was  another  of  his  shops,  to  which 
he  had  a  passage  three  hundred  and  fifty  leagues 
under  the  bed  of  the  sea,  where  similar  quarrels 
produced  similar  eruptions.  I  should  have  con- 
tinued here  as  an  humble  attendant  upon  Madam 
Venus,  but  some  busy  tattlers,  who  delight  in 
mischief,  whispered  a  tale  in  Vulcan's  ear,  which 
roused  in  him  a  fit  of  jealousy  not  to  be  appeased. 
Without  the  least  previous  notice  he  took  me  one 
morning  under  his  arm,  as  I  was  waiting  upon 
Venus,  agreeable  to  custom,  and  carried  me  to  an 
apartment  I  had  never  before  seen,  in  which 
there  was,  to  all  appearance,  a  well  with  a  wide 
mouth  :  over  this  he  held  me  at  arm's  length, 
and  saying,   "  Ungrateful  mortal,  return    to   the 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  127 

world  from  whence  you  came,''  without  giving  me 
the  least  opportunity  of  reply,  dropped  me  in  the 
centre.  I  found  myself  descending  with  an  in- 
creasing rapidity,  till  the  horror  of  my  mind  de- 
prived me  of  all  reflection.  I  suppose  I  fell  into 
a  trance,  from  which  I  was  suddenly  roused  hy 
plunging  into  a  large  body  of  water  illuminated 
by  the  rays  of  the  sun !  ! 

I  could,  from  my  infoncy,  swim  well,  and  play 
tricks  in  the  water.  I  now  found  myself  in  para- 
dise, considering  the  horrors  of  mind  I  had  just 
been  released  from.  After  looking  about  me 
some  time,  I  could  discover  nothing  but  an  ex- 
panse of  sea,  extending  beyond  the  eye  in  every 
direction  ;  I  also  found  it  very  cold,  a  different 
climate  from  Master  Vulcan's  shop.  At  last  I 
observed  at  some  distance  a  body  of  amazing 
magnitude,  like  a  huge  rock,  approaching  me; 
I  soon  discovered  it  to  be  a  piece  of  floating  ice ; 
I  swam  round  it  till  I  found  a. place  where  I  could 
ascend  to  the  top,  which  I  did,  but  not  without 
some  difficulty.  Still  I  was  out  of  sight  of  land, 
and  despair  returned  with  double  force;  how- 
ever, before  night  came  on  I  saw  a  sail,  which 
we  approached  very  fast ;  when  it  was  within  a 


128  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

very  small  distance  I  hailed  them  in  German ; 
they  answered  in  Dutch.  I  then  flung  myself 
into  the  sea,  and  they  threw  out  a  rope,  by  which 
I  was  taken  on  board.  I  now  inquired  where 
we  were,  and  was  informed,  in  the  great  Southern 
Ocean ;  this  opened  a  discovery  which  removed 
all  my  doubts  and  difficulties.  It  was  now  evi- 
dent that  I  had  passed  from  Mount  Etna  through 
the  centre  of  the  earth  to  the  South  Seas  :  this, 
gentlemen,  was  a  much  shorter  cut  than  going 
round  the  world,  and  which  no  man  has  accom- 
plished, or  ever  attempted,  but  myself:  however, 
the  next  time  I  perform  it  I  will  be  much  more 
particular  in  my  observations. 

I  took  some  refreshment,  and  went  to  rest. 
The  Dutch  are  a  very  rude  sort  of  people ;  I  re- 
lated the  Etna  passage  to  the  officers,  exactly  as 
I  have  done  to  you,  and  some  of  them,  particu- 
larly the  Captain,  seemed  by  his  grimace  and 
half-sentences  to  doubt  my  veracity ;  however,  as 
he  had  kindly  taken  me  on  board  his  vessel,  and 
was  then  in  the  very  act  of  administering  to  my 
necessities,  I  pocketed  the  affront. 

I  now  in  my  turn  began  to  inquire  where  they 
•were   bound?     To   which    they  answered,  they 


BAIi  ON  MUNCUA  USEN,  129 

were  in  search  of  new  discoveries ;  "  and  if,'' 
said  they,  "  your  story  is  true  a  new  passage  is 
really  discovered,  and  we  shall  not  return  disap- 
pointed,'' We  were  now  exactly  in  Captain 
Cook's  first  track,  and  arrived  the  next  morning 
in  Botany  Bay.  This  place  I  would  by  no  means 
recommend  to  the  English  government  as  a  re- 
ceptacle for  felons,  or  place  of  punishment;  it 
should  rather  be  the  reward  of  merit,  nature 
having  most  bountifully  bestowed  her  best  gifts 
upon  it. 

We  stayed  here  but  three  days;  the  fourth 
after  our  departure  a  most  dreadful  storm  arose, 
which  in  a  few  hours  destroyed  all  our  sails, 
splintered  our  bowsprit,  and  brought  down  our 
topmast;  it  fell  directly  upon  the  box  that  en- 
closed our  compass,  which,  w4th  the  compass,  was 
broken  to  pieces.  Every  one  who  has  been  at  sea 
knows  the  consequences  of  such  a  misfortune  : 
we  now  were  at  a  loss  where  to  steer.  At  length 
the  storm  abated,  which  was  followed  by  a  steady, 
brisk  gale,  that  carried  us  at  least  forty  knots  an 
hour  for  six  months  !  [we  should  suppose  the  Ba- 
ron has  made  a  little  mistake,  and  substituted 
months  for  days']  when  we  began  to  observe  an 
9 


130  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS   OF 

amazing  change  in  everything  about  us  :  our  spir- 
its became  light,  our  noses  were  regaled  with  the 
most  aromatic  effluvia  imaginable  :  the  sea  had 
also  changed  its  complexion,  and  from  green  be- 
came white  ! !  Soon  after  these  wonderful  alter- 
ations we  saw  land,  and  not  at  any  great  dis- 
tance an  inlet,  which  we  sailed  up  near  sixty 
leagues,  and  found  it  wide  and  deep,  flowing  with 
milk  of  the  most  delicious  taste.  Here  we  landed, 
and  soon  found  it  was  an  island  consisting  of  one 
large  cheese  :  w^e  discovered  this  by  one  of  the 
company  fainting  away  as  soon  as  we  landed : 
this  man  always  had  an  aversion  to  cheese  ;  when 
he  recovered,  he  desired  the  cheese  to  be  taken 
from  under  his  feet :  upon  examination  we  found 
him  perfectly  right,  for  the  whole  island,  as  before 
observed,  was  nothing  but  a  cheese  of  immense 
magnitude!  Upon  this  the  inhabitants,  who  are 
amazingly  numerous,  principally  sustain  them- 
selves, and  it  grows  every  night  in  proportion  as 
it  is  consumed  in  the  day.  Here  seemed  to  be 
plenty  of  vines,  with  bunches  of  large  grapes, 
which,  upon  being  pressed,  yielded  nothing  but 
milk.  We  saw  the  inhabitants  running  races 
upon  the  surface  of  the  milk  :  they  were  upright, 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  131 

comely  figures,  nine  feet  high  have  three  legs, 
and  but  one  arm  ;  upon  the  whole,  their  form 
was  graceful,  and  when  they  quarrel,  they  exer- 
cise a  straight  horn,  which  grows  in  adults  from 
the  centre  of  their  foreheads,  with  great  adroit- 
ness ;  they  did  not  sink  at  all,  but  ran  and 
walked  upon  the  surface  of  the  milk,  as  we  do 
upon  a  bowling-green. 

Upon  this  island  of  cheese  grows  great  plenty 
of  corn,  the  ears  of  which  produce  loaves  of  bread, 
ready  made,  of  a  round  form  like  mushrooms. 
We  discovered,  in  our  rambles  over  this  cheese, 
seventeen  other  rivers  of  milk,  and  ten  of  wine. 

After  thirty-eight  days'  journey  we  arrived  on 
the  opposite  side  to  that  on  which  we  landed : 
here  we  found  some  blue  mould,  as  cheese-eaters 
call  it,  from  whence  springs  all  kinds  of  rich  fruit ; 
instead  of  breeding  mites  it  produced  peaches, 
nectarines,  apricots,  and  a  thousand  delicious 
fruits  which  w^e  are  not  acquainted  with.  In 
these  trees,  which  are  of  an  amazing,  size,  were 
plenty  of  birds'  nests ;  amongst  others  was  a  king- 
fisher's of  prodigious  magnitude ;  it  was  at  least 
twice  the  circumference  of  the  dome  of  St.  Paul's 
Church  in  London.     Upon  inspection,  this  nest 


132  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

was  made  of  huge  trees  curiously  joined  together ; 
there  were,  let  me  see  {for  I  maize  it  a  rule  al- 
ways to  speak  within  compass),  there  were  upwards 
of  five  hundred  eggs  in  this  nest,  and  each  of 
them  was  as  large  as  four  common  hogsheads,  or 
eight  barrels,  and  we  could  not  only  see,  but  hear 
the  young  ones  chirping  within.  Having,  with 
great  fatigue,  cut  open  one  of  these  eggs,  we  let 
out  a  young  one  unfeathered,  considerably  larger 
than  twenty  full  grown  vultures.  Just  as  we 
had  given  this  youngster  his  liberty  the  old  king- 
fisher lighted,  and  seizing  our  captain,  who  had 
been  active  in  breaking  the  egg,  in  one  of  her 
claws,  flew  with  him  above  a  mile  high,  and  then 
let  him  drop  into  the  sea,  but  not  till  she  had 
beaten  all  his  teeth  out  of  his  mouth  with  her 
wings. 

Dutchmen  generally  swim  well :  he  soon  joined 
us,  and  we  retreated  to  our  ship.  On  our  return 
we  took  a  different  route,  and  observed  many 
strange  objects.  We  shot  two  wild  oxen,  each 
with  one  horn,  also  like  the  inhabitants,  except 
that  it  sprouted  from  between  the  eyes  of  these 
animals ;  we  were  afterwards  concerned  at  having 
destroyed  them,  as  we  found,  by  inquiry,  they 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN,  233 

tamed  these  creatures,  and  used  them  as  we  do 
horses,  to  ride  upon  and  draw  their  carriages; 
their  flesh,  we  were  informed,  is  excellent,  but 
useless  where  people  live  upon  cheese  and  milk. 
When  we  had  reached  within  two  days'  journey 
of  the  ship  we  observed  three  men  hanging  to  a 
tall  tree  by  their  heels  :  upon  inquiring  the  cause 
of  their  punishment,  I  found  they  had  all  been 
travellers,  and  upon  their  return  home  had  de- 
ceived their  friends  by  describing  places  they 
never  saw,  and  relating  things  that  never  hap- 
pened :  this  gave  me  no  concern,. as  /  have  ever 
confined  myself  to  facts 

'  As  soon  as  we  arrived  at  the  ship  we  un- 
moored, and  set  sail  from  this  extraordinary 
country,  when,  to  our  astonishment,  all  the  trees 
upon  shore,  of  which  there  were  a  great  number 
very  tall  and  large,  paid  their  respects  to  us 
twice,  bowing  to  exact  time,  and  immediately  re- 
covered their  former  posture,  which  was  quite 
erect. 

By  what  we  could  learn  of  this  Cheese,  it  was 
considerably  larger  than  the  continent  of  all 
Europe ! 

After  sailing  three  months  we  knew  not  where, 


134  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS   OF 

being  still  without  compass,  we  arrived  in  a  sea 
which  appeared  to  be  almost  black  ;  upon  tasting 
it  we  found  it  most  excellent  wine,  and  had  great 
difficulty  to  keep  the  sailors  from  getting  drunk 
with  it :  however,  in  a  few  hours  we  found  our- 
selves surrounded  by  whales  and  other  animals 
of  an  immense  magnitude,  one  of  which  ap- 
.  peared  to  be  too  large  for  the  eye  to  form  a  judg- 
ment of;  w^e  did  not  see  him  till  we  were  close 
to  him.  This  monster  drew  our  ship,  with  all 
her  masts  standing  and  sails  bent,  by  suction  into 
his  mouth,  between  his  teeth,  which  were  much 
larger  and  taller  than  the  mast  of  a  first-rate 
man-of-war.  After  we  had  been  in  his  mouth 
some  time  he  opened  it  pretty  wide,  took  in  an 
immense  quantity  of  water,  and  floated  our  ves- 
sel, which  was  at  least  500  tons  burthen,  into  his 
stomach ;  here  we  lay  as  quiet  as  at  anchor  in  a 
dead  calm.  The  air,  to  be  sure,  was  rather 
warm,  and  very  offensive.  We  found  anchors, 
cables,  boats,  and  barges  in  abundance,  and  a  con- 
siderable number  of  ships,  some  laden  and  some 
not,  which  this  creature  had  swallowed.  Every- 
thing was  transacted  by  torch-light;  no  sun,  no 
moon,  no  planet,  to  make  observations  frorn.    We 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  I35 

were  all  generally  afloat  and  aground  twice  a-day ; 
whenever  he  drank,  it  became  high  water  with 
us  ;  and  when  he  evacuated,  we  found  ourselves 
aground ;  upon  a  moderate  computation,  he  took 
in  more  water  at  a  single  draught  than  is  gene- 
rally to  be  found  in  the  Lake  of  Geneva,  though 
that  is  above  thirty  miles  "in  circumference.  On 
the  second  day  of  our  confinement  in  these  re- 
gions of  darkness,  I  ventured  at  low  water,  as  we 
called  it  when  the  ship  was  aground,  to  ramble 
with  the  Captain,  and  a  few  of  the  other  officers, 
with  lights  in  our  hands ;  we  met  with  people  of 
all  nations,  to  the  amount  of  upwards  of  ten 
thousand  ;  they  were  going  to  hold  a  council  how- 
to  recover  their  liberty ;  some  of  them  having 
lived  in  this  animal's  stomach  several  years; 
there  were  several  children  here  who  had  never 
seen  the  world,  their  mothers  having  lain  in  re- 
peatedly in  this  warm  situation.  Just  as  the 
chairman  was  going  to  inform  us  of  the  business 
upon  which  we  were  assembled,  this  plaguy  fish, 
becoming  thirsty,  drank  in  his  usual  manner; 
the  water  poured  in  with  such  impetuosity,  that 
we  were  all  obliged  to  retreat  to  our  respective 
ships    immediately,   or   run    the   risk   of    being 


236  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

drowned ;  some  were  obliged  to  swim  for  it,  and 
with  difficulty  saved  their  lives.  In  a  few  hours 
after  we  were  more  fortunate;  we  met  again  just 
after  the  monster  had  evacuated.  I  was  chosen 
chairman,  and  the  first  thing  I  did  was  to  propose 
splicing  two  main-masts  together,  and  the  next 
time  he  opened  his  mouth  to  be  ready  to  wedge 
them  in,  so  as  to  prevent  his  shutting  it.  It  was 
unanimously  approved.  One  hundred  stout  men 
were  chosen  upon  this  service.  We  had  scarcely 
got  our  masts  properly  prepared  when  an  oppor- 
tunity offered ;  the  monster  opened  his  mouth, 
immediately  the  top  of  the  mast  was  placed 
against  the  roof,  and  the  other  end  pierced  his 
tongue,  which  effectually  prevented  him  from 
shutting  his  mouth.  As  soon  as  everything  in 
his  stomach  was  afloat,  we  manned  a  few  boats, 
who  rowed  themselves  and  us  into  the  world. 
The  daylight,  after,  as  near  as  we  could  judge, 
three  months'  confinement  in  total  darkness, 
cheered  our  spirits  surprisingly.  When  we  had 
all  taken  our  leave  of  this  capacious  animal, 
we  mustered  just  a  fleet  of  ninety-five  ships, 
of  all  nations,  who  had  been  in  this  confined 
situation. 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  137 

We  left  the  two  masts  in  his  mouth,  to  pre- 
vent others  being  confined  in  the  same  horrid 
gulf  of  darkness  and  filth. 

Our  first  object  was  to  learn  what  part  of 
the  world  we  were  in;  this  we  were  for  some 
time  at  a  loss  to  ascertain;  at  last  I  found 
from  former  observations,  that  we  were  in  the 
Caspian  Sea !  which  washes  part  of  the  country 
of  the  Calmuck  Tartars.  How  we  came  here 
it  was  impossible  to  conceiv^e,  as  this  sea  has 
no  communication  with  any  other.  One  of  the 
inhabitants  of  the  Cheese  Island,  whom  I  had 
brought  with  me,  accounted  for  it  thus  :  that 
the  monster  in  whose  stomach  we  had  been  so 
long  confined  had  carried  us  here  through  some 
subterraneous  passage  ;  however,  we  pushed  to 
shore  and  I  was  the  first  who  landed.  Just  as 
I  put  my  foot  upon  the  ground,  a  large  bear 
leaped  upon  me  with  his  fore-paws ;  I  caught 
one  in  each  hand  and  squeezed  him  till  he  cried 
out  most  lustily ;  however,  in  this  position  I 
held  him  till  I  starved  him  to  death.  You  may 
laugh,  gentlemen,  but  this  was  soon  accom- 
plished, as  I  prevented  him  licking  his  paws. 
From  hence  I  travelled  up  to  St.  Petersburg  a 


138  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS   OF 

second  time  :  here  an  old  friend  gave  me  a  most 
excellent  pointer,  descended  from  the  famous 
bitch  before  mentioned,  that  littered  while  she 
was  hunting  a  hare.  I  had  the  misfortune  to 
have  him  shot  soon  after,  by  a  blundering  sports- 
man, who  fired  at  him  instead  of  a  covey  of 
partridges  which  he  had  just  set.  Of  this  crea- 
ture's skin  I  have  had  this  waistcoat  made  (show- 
ing his  waistcoat),  which  always  leads  me  invol- 
untarily to  game  if  I  walk  in  the  fields  in  the 
proper  season,  and  when  I  come  within  shot, 
one  of  the  buttons  constantly  flies  off  and  lodges 
upon  tlie  spot  where  the  sport  is  ;  and  "as  the  birds 
rise,  being  always  primed  and  cocked,  I  never 
miss  them.  Here  are  now  but  three  buttons  left. 
I  shall  have  a  new  set  sewed  on  against  the 
shooting  season  commences. 

When  a  covey  of  partridges  is  disturbed  in 
this  manner,  by  the  button  falling  amongst  them, 
they  always  rise  from  the  ground  in  a  direct 
line  before  each  other.  I,  one  day,  by  forgetting 
to  take  my  ramrod  out  of  my  gun,  shot  it 
straight  through  a  leash,  as  regularly  as  if  the 
cook  had  spitted  them.  I  had  forgot  to  put  in 
any  shot,  and   the  rod  had   been   made   so  hot 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  139 

with  the  powder,  that  the  birds  were  completely, 
roasted  by  the  time  I  reached  home. 

Since  my  arrival  in  England  I  have  accom- 
plished what  I  had  very  much  at  heart,  viz.,  pro- 
viding for  the  inhabitant  of  the  Cheese  Island, 
whom  I  had  brought  with  me.  My  old  friend. 
Sir  William  Chambers,  who  is  entirely  indebted 
to  me  for  all  his  ideas  of  Chinese  gardening,  by 
a  description  of  which  he  has  gained  such  high 
reputation ;  I  say,  gentlemen,  in  a  discourse  which 
I  had  with  this  gentleman,  he  seemed  much 
distressed  for  a  contrivance  to  light  the  lamps  at 
the  new  buildings,  Somerset  House  ;  the  common 
mode  with  ladders,  he  observed,  was  both  dirty 
and  inconvenient.  My  native  of  the  Cheese  Isl- 
and popped  into  my  head ;  he  was  only  nine 
feet  high  when  I  first  brought  him  from  his  ow^n 
country,  but  was  now  increased  to  ten  and  a 
half:  I  introduced  him  to  Sir  William,  and  he  is 
appointed  to  that  honorable  office.  He  is  also  to 
carry,  under  a  large  cloak,  a  utensil  in  each  coat 
pocket,  instead  of  those  four  which  Sir  William 
has  very  properly  fixed  for  private  purposes  in  so 
conspicuous  a  situation,  the  great  quadrangle. 

He  has  also  obtained  from  Mr.  Pitt  the  situa- 


140 


BARON  MUKCHA  USEN. 


tion  of  messenger  to  his  Majesty's  lords  of  the 
bed-chamber,  whose  principal  employment  will 
now  be,  divulging  the  secrets  of  the  Royal  house- 
hold to  their  worthy  Patron. 


SUPPLEMENT. 


SUPPLEMENT. 

Extraordinary  flight  on  the  back  of  an  eagle,  over  France 
to  Gibraltar,  South  and  North  America,  the  Polar 
Regions  and  back  to  England,  within  six-and-thirty 
hours. 


BOUT  the  beginning  of  his  present 
Majesty's  reign  I  had  some  business 
with  a  distant  relation  who  then  lived 
on  the  Isle  of  Thanet ;  it  was  a  family  dispute, 
and  not  likely  to  be  finished  soon.  I  made  it  a 
practice  during  my  residence  there,  the  weather- 
being  fine,  to  walk  out  every  morning.  After  a 
few  of  these  excursions  I  observed  an  object  upon 
a  great  eminence  about  three  miles  distant :  I 
extended  my  walk  to  it,  and  found  the  ruins  of 
an  ancient  temple  :  I  approached  it  with  admira- 

(143) 


144  ORIGINAL   TRAVELS   OF 

tion  and  astonishment ;  the  traces  of  grandeur  and 
magnificence  which  yet  remained  were  evident 
proofs  of  its  former  splendor :  here  I  could  not 
help  lamenting  the  ravages  and  devastations  of 
lime,  of  which  that  once  noble  structure  exhibited 
such  a  melancholy  proof.  I  walked  round  it  sev^ 
eral  times,  meditating  on  the  fleeting  and  transit 
tory  nature  of  all  terrestrial  things  ;  on  the  east- 
ern end  were  the  remains  of  a  lofty  tower,  near 
forty  feet  high,  overgrown  with  ivy,  the  top  ap- 
parently flat ;  I  surveyed  it  on  every  side  very 
minutely,  thinking  that  if  I  could  gain  its  summit 
I  should  enjoy  the  most  delightful  prospect  of 
the  circumjacent  country.  Animated  with  this 
hope,  I  resolved,  if  possible,  to  gain  the  summit, 
which  I  at  length  effected  by  means  of  the  ivy, 
though  not  without  great  difficulty  and  danger; 
the  top  I  found  covered  with  this  evergreen,  ex- 
cept a  large  chasm  in  the  middle.  After  I  had 
surveyed  w^ith  pleasing  wonder  the  beauties  of 
art  and  nature  that  conspired  to  enrich  the  scene, 
curiosity  prompted  me  to  sound  the  opening  in 
the  middle,  in  order  to  ascertain  its  depth,  as  I 
entertained  a  suspicion  that  it  might  probably 
communicate  with  some  unexplored  subterranean 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  145 

cavern  in  the  hill ;  but  having  no  line  I  was  at 
a  loss  how  to  proceed.  After  revolving  the  mat- 
ter in  my  thoughts  for  some  time,  I  resolved  to 
drop  a  stone  down  and  listen  to  the  echo ;  having 
found  one  that  answered  my  purpose,  I  placed 
myself  over  the  hole,  with  one  foot  on  each  side, 
and  stooping  down  to  listen,  I  dropped  the  stone, 
which  I  had  no  sooner  done  than  I  heard  a  rust- 
ling below,  and  suddenly  a  monstrous  eagle  put 
up  its  head  right  opposite  my  face,  and  rising  up 
with  irresistible  force,  carried  me  away  seated  on 
its  shoulders :  I  instantly  grasped  it  around  the 
neck,  which  was  large  enough  to.  fill  my  arms, 
and  its  wings,  when  extended,  were  ten  yards 
from  one  extremity  to  the  other.  As  it  rose  with 
a  regular  ascent,  my  seat  was  perfectly  easy,  and 
I  enjoyed  the  prospect  below  with  inexpressible 
pleasure.  It  hovered  over  Margate  for  some  time, 
was  seen  by  several  people,  and  many  shots  were 
fired  at  it;  one  ball  hit  the  heel  of  my  shoe,  but 
did  me  no  injury.  It  then  directed  its  course  to 
Dover  cliflf,  where  it  alighted,  and  I  thought  of 
dismounting,  but  was  prevented  by  a  sudden  dis- 
charge of  musketry  from  a  party  of  marines  that 
were  exercising  on  the  beach ;  the  balls  flew 
10 


146  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS   OF 

about  my  head,  and  rattled  on  the  feathers  of  the 
eagle  like  hail-stones,  yet  I  could  not  perceive  it 
had  received  any  injury.  It  instantly  reascended 
and  flew  over  the  sea  towards  Calais,  but  so  very 
high  that  the  Channel  seemed  to  be  no  broader 
than  the  Thames  at  London  Bridge.  In  a  quarter 
of  an  hour  I  found  myself  over  a  thick  wood  in 
France,  where  the  eagle  descended  very  rapidly, 
which  caused  me  to  slip  down  to  the  back  part 
of  its  head ;  but  alighting  on  a  large  tree,  and 
raising  its  head,  I  recovered  my  seat  as  before, 
but  saw  no  possibility  of  disengaging  myself  with- 
out the  danger  of  being  killed  by  the  fall ;  so  I 
determined  to  sit  fast,  thinking*  it  would  carry 
me  to  the  Alps,  or  some  other  high  mountain, 
where  I  could  dismount  without  any  danger. 
After  resting  a  few  minutes  it  took  wing,  flew 
several  times  round  the  wood,  and  screamed  loud 
enough  to  be  heard  across  the  English  Channel. 
In  a  few  minutes  one  of  the  same  species  arose 
out  of  the  wood,  and  flew  directly  towards  us  ;  it 
surveyed  me  with  evident  marks  of  displeasure, 
and  came  very  near  me.  After  flying  several 
times  round,  they  both  directed  their  course  to 
the  south-west.    I  soon  observed  that  the  one  I 


BAKU  N  M  LN  C  U  A  L  ;S  E  N.  147 

rode  upon  could  not  keep  pace  with  the  other, 
but  inclined  towards  the  earth/on  account  of  my 
weight;  its  companion  perceiving  this,  turned 
round  and  placed  itself  in  such  a  position  that 
the  other  could  rest  its  head  on  its  rump ;  in  this 
manner  they  proceeded  till  noon,  when  I  saw  the 
rock  of  Gibraltar  very  distinctly.  The  day  being 
clear,  notwithstanding  my  degree  of  elevation, 
the  earth's  surface  appeared  just  like  a  map, 
where  land,  sea,  lakes,  rivers,  mountains,  and  the 
like  were  perfectly  distinguishable  ;  and  having 
some  knowledge  of  geography,  I  was  at  no  loss 
to  determine  what  part  of  the  globe  I  was  in. 

Whilst  I  was-  contemplating  this  wonderful 
prospect  a  dreadful  howling  suddenly  began  all 
around  me,  and  in  a  moment  I  was  invested  by 
thousands  of  small  black,  deformed,  frightful- 
looking  creatures,  who  pressed  me  on  all  sides  in 
such  a  manner  that  I  could  neither  move  hand 
or  foot :  but  I  had  not  been  in  their  possession 
more  than  ten  minutes  when  I  heard  the  most 
delightful  music  that  can  possibly  be  imagined, 
which  was.  suddenly  changed  into  a  noise  the 
most  awful  and  tremendous,  to  which  the  report 
of  cannon,  or  the  loudest  claps  of  thunder  could 


148  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

bear  no  more  proportion  than  the  gentle  zephyrs 
of  the  evening  to  the  most  dreadful  hurricane; 
but  the  shortness  of  its  duration  prevented  all 
those  fatal  effects  which  a  prolongation  of  it 
would  certainly  have  been  attended  with. 

The  music  commenced,  and  I  saw  a  great 
number  of  the  most  beautiful  little  creatures 
seize  the  other  party,  and  throw  them  with  great 
violence  into  something  like  a  snuff-box,  which 
they  shut  down,  and  one  threw  it  away  with  in- 
credible velocity;  then  turning  to  me,  he  said 
they  w^hom  he  had  secured  were  a  party  of  devils, 
who  had  wandered  from  their  proper  habitation  ; 
and  that  the  vehicle  in  which  they  were  enclosed 
would  fly  with  unabating  rapidity  for  ten  thou- 
sand years,  when  it  would  burst  of  its  own  ac- 
cord, and  the  devils  would  recover  their  liberty 
and  faculties,  as  at  the  present  moment.  He  had 
no  sooner  finished  this  relation  than  the  music 
ceased,  and  they  all  disappeared,  leaving  me  in 
a  state  of  mind  bordering  on  the  confines  of 
despair. 

When  I  had  recomposed  myself  a  little,  and 
looking  before  me  with  inexpressible  pleasure,  I 
observed  that  the  eagles  were  preparing  to  light 


BAR  OK  MUNCHA  USEN.  X49 

on  the  peak  of  Teneriffe :  they  descended  to  the 
top  of  a  rock,  but  seeing  no  possible  means  of 
escape  if  I  dismounted  determined  me  to  remain 
where  I  was.  The  eagles  sat  down  seemingly 
fatigued,  when  the  heat  of  the  sun  soon  caused 
them  both  to  fall  asleep,  nor  did  I  long  resist  its 
fascinating  power.  In  the  cool  of  the  evening, 
when  the  sun  had  retired  below  the  horizon,  I 
was  roused  from  sleep  by  the  eagle  moving  under 
me  ;  and  having  stretched  myself  along  its  back, 
I  sat  up,  and  reassumed  my  travelling  position, 
when  they  both  took  wing,  and  having  placed 
themselves  as  before,  directed  their  course  to 
South  America.  The  moon  shining  bright  dur- 
ing the  whole  night,  I  had  a  fine  view  of  all  the 
islands  in  those  seas. 

About  the  break  of  day  we  reached  the  great 
continent  of  America,  that  part  called  Terra 
Firm  a,  and  descended  on  the  top  of  a  very  high 
mountain.  At  this  time  the  moon,  far  distant 
in  the  west,  and  obscured  by  dark  clouds,  but 
just  afforded  li^ht  sufficient  for  me  to  discover 
a  kind  of  shrubbery  all  around,  bearing  fruit 
something  like  cabbages,  which  the  eagles  began 
to  feed  on  very  eagerly.     I  endeavored  to  dis- 


150  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

cover  my  situation,  but  fogs  and  passing  clouds 
involved  me  in  the  thickest  darkness,  and  what 
rendered  the  scene  still  more  shocking  was  the 
tremendous  howling  of  wild  beasts,  some  of 
*  which  appeared  to  be  very  near :  however,  I 
determined  to  keep  my  seat,  imagining  that  the^ 
eagle  would  carry  me  away  if  any  ci*  them 
should  make  a  hostile  attempt.  When  daylight 
began  to  appear  I  thought  of  examining  the 
fruit  which  I  had  seen  the  eagles  eat,  and  as 
some  was  hanging  which  I  could  easily  come  at, 
I  took  out  my  knife  and  cut  a  slice ;  but  how 
great  was  my  surprise  to  see  that  it  had  all  the 
appearance  of  roast  beef  regularly  mixed,  both 
fat  and  lean !  I  tasted  it,  and  found  it  well  fla- 
vored and  delicious,  then  cut  several  large  slices 
and  put  in  my  pocket,  where  I  found  a  crust  of 
bread  which  I  had  brought  from  Margate ;  took 
it  out,  and  found  three  musket-balls  that  had 
been  lodged  in  it  on  Dover  cliff.  I  extracted 
them,  and  cutting  a  few  slices  more,  made  a 
hearty  meal  of  bread  and  cold  beef  fruit.  I 
then  cut  down  two  of  the  largest  that  grew 
near  me,  and  tying  them  together  w^ith  one  of 
my  garters,  hung  them  over  the  eagle's  neck  for 


BARON  MUNCHA  TJSEN,  151 

another  occasion,  filling  my  pockets  at  the  same 
time.  While  I  was  settling  these  affairs  I 
observed  a  large  fruit  like  an  inflated  bladder, 
which  I  wished  to  try  an  experiment  upon  :  and 
striking  my  knife  into  one  of  them,  a  fine  pure 
liquor  like  Hollands  gin  rushed  out,  which  the 
eagles  observing,  eagerly  drank  up  from  the 
ground.  I  cut  down  the  bladder  as  fast  as  I 
could,  and  saved  about  half-  a  pint  in  the  bottom 
of  it,  which  I  tasted,  and  could  not  distinguish 
it  from  the  best  mountain  wine.  I  drank  it  all, 
and  found  myself  greatly  refreshed.  By  this 
time  the  eagles  began  to  stagger  against  the 
shrubs.  I  endeavored  to  keep  my  seat,  but  was 
soon  thrown  to  some  distance  among  the  bushes. 
In  attempting  to  rise  I  put  my  hand  upon  a 
large  hedgehog,  which  happened  to  lie  among 
the  grass  upon  its  back :  it  instantly  closed 
round  my  hand,  so  that  I  found  it  impossible  to 
shake  it  off.  I  struck  it  several  times  against  the 
ground  without  effect ;  but  while  I  was  thus 
employed  I  heard  a  rustling  among  the  shrub- 
bery, and  looking  up,  •  I  saw  a  huge  animal 
within  three  yards  of  me ;  I  could  make  no 
defence^   but  held  out  both  my  hands,  when  it 


152  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS   OF 

rushed  upon  me,  and  seized  that  on  which  the 
hedgehog  was  fixed.  My  hand  being  soon 
relieved,  I  ran  to  some  distance,  where  I  saw 
the  creature  suddenly  drop  down  and  expire 
with  the  hedgehog  in  its  throat.  When  the 
danger  was  past  I  went  to  view  the  eagles,  and 
found  them  lying  on  the  grass  fast  asleep,  being 
intoxicated  wdth  the  liquor  they  had  drank.  In- 
deed, I  found  myself  -considerably  elevated  by  it, 
and  seeing  everything  quiet,  I  began  to  search 
for  some  more,  which  I  soon  found ;  and  having 
cut  down  two  large  bladders,  about  a  gallon  each, 
I  tied  them  together,  and  hung  them  over  the 
neck  of  the  other  eagle,  and  the  two  smaller  ones 
I  tied  wdth  a  cord  round  my  own  waist.  Having 
secured  a  good  stock  of  provisions,  and  perceiv- 
ing the  eagles  begin  to  recover,  I  again  took  my 
seat.  In  half  an  hour  they  arose  majestically 
from  the  place,  without  taking  the  least  notice 
of  their  encumbrance.  Each  reassumed  its  former 
station ;  and  directing  their  course  to  the  north- 
w^ard,  they  crossed  the  Gulf  of  Mexico,  entered 
North  America,  and  steered  directly  for  the  Polar 
regions,  which  gave  me  the  finest  opportunity  of 


BARON  MUNCHA  V^EN.  I53 

viewing  this  vast  continent  that  can  possibly  be 
imagined. 

Before  we  entered  the  frigid  zone  the  cold  be- 
gan to  affect  me  ;  but  piercing  one  of  my  blad- 
ders, I  took  a  draught,  and  found  that  it  could 
make  no  impression  on  me  afterwards.  Passing 
over  Hudson's  Bay,  I  saw  several  of  the  com- 
pany's ships  lying  at  anchor,  and  many  tribes  of 
Indians  marching  with  their  furs  to  market. 

By  this  time  I  was  so  reconciled  to  my  seat, 
and  become  such  an  expert  rider,  that  I  could  sit 
up  and  look  around  me ;  but  in  general  I  lay 
along  the  eagle's  neck,  grasping  it  in  my  arms, 
with  my  hands  immersed  in  its  feathers,  in  order 
to  keep  them  warm. 

In  these  cold  climates  I  observed  that  the 
eagles  flew  with  greater  rapidity,  in  order,  I  sup- 
pose, to  keep  their  blood  in  circulation.  In  pass- 
ing Baffin's  Bay  I  saw  several  large  Greenland- 
men  to  the  eastward,  and  many  surprising  moun- 
tains of  ice  in  those  seas. 

While  I  was  surveying  these  wonders  of  nature 
it  occurred  to  me  that  this  was  a  good  oppor- 
tunity to  discover  the  north-west  passage,  if  any 
such  thing  existed,  and  not  only  obtain  the  re- 


154  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS   OF 

ward  offered  by  government,  but  the  honor  of  a 
discovery  pregnant  with  so  many  advantages  to 
every  European  nation.  But  while  my  thoughts 
were  absorbed  in  this  pleasing  reverie  I  was 
alarmed  by  the  first  eagle  •  striking  its  head 
against  a  solid  transparent  substance,  and  in  a 
moment  that  which  I  rode  experienced  the  same 
fate,  and  both  fell  down  seemingly  dead. 

Here  our  lives  must  inevitably  have  termi- 
nated, had  not  a  sense  of  danger  and  the  singu- 
larity of  my  situation,  inspired  me  with  a  degree 
of  skill  and  dexterity  which  enabled  us  to  fall 
near  two  miles  perpendicular  with  as  little  in- 
conveniency  as  if  we  had  been  let  down  with  a 
rope ;  for  no  sooner  did  I  perceive  the  eagles  strike 
against  a  frozen  cloud,  which  is  very  common 
near  the  poles,  than  (they  being  close  together) 
I  laid  myself  along  the  back  of  the  foremost 
and  took  hold  of  its  wings  to  keep  them  extend- 
ed, at  the  same  time  stretching  out  my  legs  be- 
hind to  support  the  wings  of  the  other.  This 
had  the  desired  effect,  and  we  descended  very 
safe  on  a  mountain  of  ice,  which  I  supposed  to 
be  about  three  miles  above  the  level  of  the  sea. 

I  dismounted,  unloaded  the  eagles,  opened  one 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  I55 

of  the  bladders  and  administered  some  of  the 
liquor  to  each  of  them,  without  once  considering 
that  the  horrors  of  destruction  seemed  to  have 
conspired  against  me.  The  roaring  of  waves, 
crashing  of  ice  and  the  howling  of  bears,  con- 
spired to  form  a  scene  the  most  awful  and  tre- 
mendous ;  but,  notwithstanding  this,  my  concern 
for  the  recovery  of  the  eagks  was  so  great,  that 
I  was  insensible  of  the  danger  to  which  I  was 
exposed.  Having  rendered  them  every  assist- 
ance in  my  power,  I  stood  over  them  in  painful 
anxiety,  fully  sensible  that  it  was  only  by  means 
of  them  that  I  could  possibly  be  delivered  from 
these  abodes  of  despair. 

But  suddenly  a  monstrous  bear  began  to  roar 
behind  me,  with  a  voice  like  thunder.  I  turned 
round,  and  seeing  the  creature  just  ready  to  de- 
vour me,  having  the  bladder  of  liquor  in  my 
hands,  through  fear  I  squeezed  it  so  hard,  that 
it  burst,  and  the  liquor  flying  in  the  eyes  of  the 
animal,  totally  deprived  it  of  sight.  It  instantly 
turned  from  me,  ran  away  in  a  state  of  distrac- 
tion and  soon  fell  over  a  precipice  of  ice  into  the 
sea,  where  I  saw  it  no  more. 

The  danger   being  over,  I   again  turned   my 


156  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

attention  to  the  eagles,  whom  I  found  in  a  fair 
way  of  recovery,  and  suspecting  that  they  were 
faint  for  want  of  victuals,  I  took  one  of  the  beef 
fruit,  cut  it  into  small  slices  and  presented  them 
with  it,  which  they  devoured  with  avidity. 

Having  given  them  plenty  to  eat  and  drink, 
and  disposed  of  the  remainder  of  my  provision, 
I  took  possession  of  my  seat  as  before.  After 
composing  myself,  and  adjusting  everything  in  the 
best  manner,  I  began  to  eat  and  drink  very  heart- 
ily ;  and  through  the  effects  of  the  mountain,  as 
I  called  it,  was  very  cheerful,  and  began  to  sing 
a  few  verses  of  a  song  which  I  had  learned  when 
I  was  a  boy  :  but  the  noise  soon  alarmed  the 
eagles,  who  had  been  asleep,  through  the  quantity 
of  liquor  which  they  had  drank,  and  they  arose 
seemingly  much  terrified.  Happily  for  me,  how- 
ever, when  I  was  feeding  them  I  had  accidentally 
turned  their  heads  towards  the  south-east,  which 
course  they  pursued  with  a  rapid  motion.  In  a 
few  hours  I  saw  the  Western  Isles,  and  soon 
after  had  the  inexpressible  pleasure  of  seeing  Old 
England.  I  took  no  notice  of  the  seas  or  islands 
over  which  I  passed. 

The  eagles  descended  gradually  as  they  drew 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  ^57 

near  the  shore,  intending,  as  I  supposed,  to  alight 
on  one  of  the  Welsh  mountains ;  but  when  they 
came  to  the  distance  of  about  sixty  yards  two 
guns  were  fired  at  them,  loaded  with  balls,  one 
of  which  penetrated  a  bladder  of  liquor  that 
hung  to  my  waist;  the  other  entered  the  breast 
of  the  foremost  eagle,  who  fell  to  the  ground, 
while  that  which  I  rode,  having  received  no  in- 
jury, flew  away  with  amazing  swiftness. 

This  circumstance  alarmed  me  exceedingly, 
and  I  began  to  think  it  was  impossible  for  me  to 
escape  with  my  life;  but  recovering  a  little,  I 
once  more  looked  down  upon  the  earth,  when,  to 
my  inexpressible  joy,  I  saw  Margate  at  a  little 
distance,  and  the  eagle  descending  on  the  old 
tower  whence  it  had  carried  me  on  the  morning 
of  the  day  before.  It  no  sooner  came  down  than 
I  threw  myself  off,  happy  to  find  that  I  was  once 
more  restored  to  the  world.  The  eagle  flew 
away  in  a  few  minutes,  and  I  sat  down  to  com- 
pose my  fluttering  spirits,  which  I  did  in  a  few 
hours. 

I  soon  paid  a  visit  to  my  friends,  and  related 
these  adventures.  Amazement  stood  in  every 
countenance  ;  their  congratulations  on  my  return- 


I 


158 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN. 


ing  in  safety  were  repeated  with  an  unaffected 
degree  of  pleasure,  and  we  passed  the  evening  as 
we  are  doing  now,  every  person  present  paying 
the   highest   compliments   to   my  courage   and 

VERACITY. 


YOLUME    ir 


PREFACE 


TO    THE    SECOND    VOLUME. 


jARON  MUNCHAUSEN  has  certainly 
been  productive  of  much  benefit  to 
the  literary  world;  the  numbers  of 
egregious  travellers  have  been  such,  that  they 
demanded  a  very  Gulliver  to  surpass  them.  If 
Baron  de  Tott  dauntlessly  discharged  an  enor- 
mous piece  of  artillery,  the  Baron  Munchausen 
has  done  more ;  he  has  taken  it  and  swam  with 
it  across  the  sea.  When  travellers  are  solicitous 
to  be  the  heroes  of  their  own  story,  surely  they 
must  admit  to  superiority,  and  blush  at  seeing 


11 


(161) 


162  THE    PREFACE, 

themselves  outdone  by  the  renowed  Munchau- 
sen :  I  doubt  whether  any  one  hitherto,  Panta- 
gruel,  Gargantua,  Captain  Lemuel,  or  De  Tott, 
has  been  able  to  outdo  our  Baron  in  this  species 
of  excellence :  and  as  at  present  our  curiosity 
seems  much  directed  to  the  interior  of  Africa,  it 
must  be  edifying  to  have  the  real  relation  of 
Munchausen's  adventures  there  before  any  fur- 
ther intelligence  arrives ;  for  he  seems  to  adapt 
himself  and  his  exploits  to  the  spirit  of  the 
times,  and  recounts  what  he  thinks  should  be 
most  interesting  to  his  auditors. 

I  do  not  say  that  the  Baron,  in  the  following 
stories,  means  a  satire  on  any  political  matters 
whatever.  No;  but  if  the  reader  understands 
them  so,  I  cannot  help  it. 

If  the  Baron  meets  with  a  parcel  of  negro 
ships  carrying  whites  into  slavery  to  work  upon 
their  plantations  in  a  cold  climate,  should  we 
therefore  imagine  that  he  intends  a  reflection  on 
the  present  traffic  in  human  flesh  ?  And  that,  if 
the  pegroes   should  do  so,  it  would  be  simple 


THE   PREFACE,  163 

justice,  as  retaliation  is  the  law  of  God !  If  we 
were  to  think  this  a  reflection  on  any  present 
commercial  or  political  matter,  we  should  be 
tempted  to  imagine,  perhaps,  some  political  ideas 
conveyed  in  every  page,  in  every  sentence  of  the 
whole.  Whether  such  things  are  or  are  not  the 
intentions  of  the  Baron  the  reader  must  judge. 

We  have  had  not  only  wonderful  travellers  in 
this  vile  world,  but  splenetic  travellers,  and  of 
these  not  a  few,  and  also  conspicuous  enough. 
It  is  a  pity,  therefore,  that  the  Baron  has  not 
endeavored  to  surpass  them  also  in  this  species 
of  story-telling.  Who  is  it  can  read  the  travels 
of  Smellfungus,  as  Sterne  calls  him,  without  ad- 
miration ?  To  think  that  a  person  from  the 
North  of  Scotland  should  travel  through  some  of 
the  finest  countries  in  Europe,  and  find  fault  with 
everything  he  meets — nothing  to  please  him ! 
And  therefore,  methinks,  the  Tour  to  the  Heb- 
rides is  more  excusable,  and  also  perhaps  Mr. 
Twiss's  Tour  in  Ireland.  Dr.  Johnson,  bred  in 
the   luxuriance   of  London,   with  more   reason 


164  THE    PREFACE. 

should  become  cross,  and  splenetic  in  the  bleak 
and  dreary  regions  of  the  Hebrides. 

The  Baron,  in  the  following  work,  seems  to  be 
sometimes  philosophical ;  his  account  of  the  lan- 
guage of  the  interior  of  Africa,  and  its  analogy 
with  that  of  the  inhabitants  of  the  Moon,  show 
him  to  be  profoundly  versed  in  the  etymological 
antiquities  of  nations,  and  throw  new  light  upon 
the  abstruse  history  of  the  ancient  Scythians,  and 
the  Collectanea. 

His  endeavor  to  abolish  the  custom  of  eating 
live  flesh  in  the  interior  of  Africa,  as  described  in 
Bruce's  Travels,  is  truly  humane.  But  far  be  it 
from  me  to  suppose,  that  by  Gog  and  Magog  and 
the  Lord  Mayor's  show  he  means  a  satire  upon 
any  person  or  body  of  persons  whatever :  or  by  a 
tedious  litigated  trial  of  blind  judges  and  dumb 
matrons  following  a  wild-goose  chase  all  round 
the  world,  he  should  glance  at  any  trial  what- 
ever. 

Nevertheless,  I  must  allow  that  it  was  ex- 
tremely  presumptuous  in   Munchausen   to  tell 


THE   PREFACE,  165 

half  the  sovereigns  of  the  world  that  they  were 
wrong,  and  advise  them  what  they  ought  to  do ; 
and  that  instead  of  ordering  millions  of  their  sub- 
jects to  massacre  one  another,  it  would  be  more 
to  their  interest  to  employ  their  forces  in  concert 
for  the  general  good  ;  as  if  he  knew  better  than 
the  Empress  of  Russia,  the  Grand  Yizier,  Prince 
Potemkin,  or  any  other  butcher  in  the  world. 
But  that  he  should  be  a  royal  Aristocrat,  and 
take  the  part  of  the  injured  Queen  of  France  in 
the  present  political  drama,  I  am  not  at  all  sur- 
prised ;  but  I  suppose  his  mind  was  fired  by  read- 
ing the  pamphlet  written  by  Mr.  Burke. 


^•■v>^ ; -^  --^^'^:>!^4jmM^ 

m&^mm 

^^^fi^^^^^^^t 

W^^lm 

m 

THE   SECOND   VOLUME 


CHAPTER  XXL 


The  Baron  insists  on  the  veracity  of  his  former  Memoirs — 
Forms  a  design  of  making  discoveries  in  the  interior  parts 
of  Africa — His  discourse  with  Hilaro  Frosticos  about  it 
— His  conversation  with  Lady  Fragrantia — The  Baron 
goes,  with  other  persons  of  distinction,  to  Court;  relates 
an  anecdote  of  the  Marquis  de  Bellecourt. 


LL  that  I  have  related  before,  said  the 
Baron,  is  gospel ;  and  if  there  be  any 
one  so  hardy  as  to  deny  it,  I  am  ready 
to  fight  him  with  any  weapon  he  pleases.  Yes, 
cried  he,  in  a  more  elevated  tone,  as  he  started 

from  his  seat,  I  will   condemn  him   to  swallow 

(107) 


168  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

this  decanter,  glass  and  all,  perhaps,  and  filled 
with  kerren-wasser  [a  kind  of  ardent  spirit  dis- 
tilled from  cherries,  and  much  used  in  some  parts 
of  Germany].  Therefore,  my  dear  friends  and 
companions,  have  confidence  in  what  I  say,  and 
pay  honor  to  the  tales  of  Munchausen.  A  trav- 
eller has  a  right  to  relate  and  embellish  his 
adventures  as  he  pleases,  and  it  is  very  unpolite 
to  refuse  that  deference  and  applause  they 
deserve. 

Having  passed  some  time  in  England  since  the 
completion  of  my  former  memoirs,  I  at  length 
began  to  revolve  in  my  mind  what  a  prodigious 
field  of  discovery  must  be  in  the  interior  part  of 
Africa.  I  could  not  sleep  with  the  thoughts  of 
it;  I  therefore  determined  to  gain  every  proper 
assistance  from  Government  to  penetrate  the 
celebrated  source  of  the  Nile  and  assume  the 
viceroyship  of  the  interior  kingdoms  of  Africa, 
or,  at  least,  the  great  realm  of  Monomotapa. 
It  was  happy  for  me  that  I  had  one  most  power- 
ful friend  at  court,  whom  I  shall  call  the  illus- 
trious Hilaro  Frosticos.  You  perchance  know 
him  not  by  that  name;  but  we  had  a  language 
among  ourselves,  as   well   we   may,  for  in   the 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  Jgg 

course  of  my  peregrinations  I  have  acquired  pre- 
cisely nine  hundred  and  ninety-nine  leash  of 
languages.  What !  gentlemen,  do  you  stare  ? 
Well,  I  allow  'there  are  not  so  many  languages 
spoken  in  this  vile  world ;  but  then,  have  I  not 
been  in  the  Moon  ?  And,  trust  me,  whenever  I 
write  a  treatise  upon  education,  I  shall  delineate 
methods  of  inculcating  whole  dozens  of  languages 
at  once,  French,  Spanish,  Greek,  Hebrew,  Chero- 
kee, &c.,  in  such  a  style  as  will  shame  all  the 
pedagogues  existing. 

•  Having  passed  a  whole  night  without  being 
able  to  sleep  for  the  vivid  imagination  of  African 
discoveries,  I  hastened  to  the  levee  of  my  illus- 
trious friend,  Hilaro  Frosticos,  and  having  men- 
tioned my  intention  wdth  all  the  vigor  of  fancy, 
he  gravely  considered  my  words,  and,  after  some 
awful  meditations,  thus  he  spoke :  Olougli,  ma 
gehesat,  istum  fuUanali,  cum  dera  Tcargos  heJga- 
rasah  eseum  halgo  hartigos  triangulissimus  !  How- 
ever, added  he,  it  behooveth  thee  to  consider  and 
ponder  well  upon  the  perils  and  the  multitudi- 
nous dangers  in  all  the  way  of  that  wight  who 
thus  advanceth  in  all  the  perambulation  of  adven- 
tures :  and  verily,  most  valiant  sire  and  Baron, 


170  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS   OF 

I  hope  thou  wilt  demean  thyself  with  all  that 
laudable  gravity  and  precaution,  which,  as  is  re- 
lated in  the  three  hundred  and  forty-seventh 
chapter  of  the  Prophilactics,  is  of  more  considera- 
tion than  all  the  merit  in  this  terraqueous  globe. 
Yes,  most  truly  do  I  advise  thee  unto  thy  good, 
and  speak  unto  thee,  most  valiant  Munchausen, 
with  the  greatest  esteem,  and  wish  thee  to  suc- 
ceed in  thy  voyage  :  for  it  is  said,  that  in  the 
interior  realms  of  Africa  there  are  tribes  that 
can  see  but  just  three  inches  and  a  half  beyond 
the  extremity  of  their  noses ;  and  verily  thou- 
shouldest  moderate  thyself,  even  sure  and  slow ; 
they  stumble  who  walk  fast.  But  we  shall  bring 
you  unto  the  Lady  Fragrantia,  and  have  her 
opinion  of  the  matter.  He  then  took  from  his' 
pocket  a  cap  of  dignity,  such  as  described  in  the 
most  honorable  and  antique  heraldry,  and  placing 
it  upon  my  head,  addressed  me  thus  :  '^  As  thou 
seemest  again  to  revive  the  spirit  of  ancient  ad- 
venture, permit  me  to  place  upon  thy  head  this 
favor,  as  a  mark  of  the  esteem  in  which  I  hold 
thy  valorous  disposition.'* 

The    Lady  Fragrantia,  my  dear  friends,  was 
one  of  the  most  divine   creatures   in   all   Great 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  171 

Britain,  and  was  desperately  in  love  with  me. 
She  was  drawing  my  portrait  upon  a  piece  of 
white  satin,  when  the  most  noble  Hilaro  Frosti- 
cos  advanced.  He  pointed  to  the  cap  of  dignity 
which  he  had  placed  upon  my  head.  "  I  do  de- 
clare, Hilaro,"  said  the  lovely  Fragrantia,  "  'tis 
pretty,  'tis  interesting;  I  love  you,  and  I  like 
you,  my  dear  Baron,"  said  she,  putting  on  an- 
other plume  :  "  this  gives  it  an  air  more  delicate 
and  more  fantastical.  I  do  thus,  my  dear  Mun- 
chausen, as  your  friend,  yet  you  can  reject  or 
accept  my  present  just  as  you  please ;  but  I  like 
the  fancy,  'tis  a  good  one  and  I  mean  to  improve 
it :  and  against  whatever  enemies  you  go,  I  shall 
have  the  sweet  satisfaction  to  remember  you  bear 
my  favor  on  your  head  !" 

I  snatched  it  with  trepidation,  and  gracefully 
dropping  on  ray  knees,  I  three  times  kissed  it 
with  all  the  rapture  of  romantic  love.  "  I  swear," 
cried  I,  "  by  thy  bright  eyes,  and  by  the  lovely 
whiteness  of  thine  arm,  that  no  savage,  tyrant, 
or  enemy  upon  the  face  of  the  earth  shall  despoil 
me  of  this  favor,  while  one  drop  of  the  blood  of 
the  Munchausens  doth  circulate  in  my  veins  !  I 
will  bear  it  triumphant  through   the  realms  of 


172  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

Africa,  whither  I  now  intend  my  course,  and 
make  it  respected,  even  in  the  court  of  Prester 
John." 

'^  I  admire  your  spirit,"  replied  she,  "  and 
shall  use  my  utmost  interest  at  court  to  have 
you  despatched  with  every  pomp,  and  as  soon  as 
possible  ;  but  here  comes  a  most  brilliant  com- 
pany indeed:. Lady  Carolina  Wilhelmina  Amelia 
Skeggs,  Lord  Spigot  and  Lady  Faucet  and  the 
Countess  of  Belleair." 

After  the  ceremonies  of  introduction  to  this 
company  were  over,  we  proceeded  to  consult 
upon  the  business  ;  and  as  the  cause  met  with 
general  applause,  it  was  immediately  determined 
that  I  should  proceed  without  delay,  as  soon  as 
I  obtained  the  sovereign  approbation.  "  I  am 
convinced,"  said  Lord  Spigot,  "  that  if  there  be 
anything  really  unknown  and  worthy  of  our 
most  ardent  curiosity,  it  must  be  in  the  immense 
regions  of  Africa ;  that  country  which  seems  to 
be  the  oldest  on  the  globe,  and  yet  with  the 
greater  part  of  which  we  are  almost  utterly  un- 
acquainted ;  what  prodigious  wealth  of  gold  and 
diamonds  must  not  lie  concealed  in  those  torrid 
regions  when  the  very  rivers  on  the  coast  pour 


BARON  MUNCHA  USEN.  173 

forth  continual  specimens  of  golden  sand  !  'Tis 
my  opinion,  therefore,  that  the  Baron  deserves  the 
applause  of  all  Europe  for  his  spirit,  and  merits 
the  most  powerful  assistance  of  the  sovereign." 

So  flattering  an  approbation,  you  may  be  sure, 
was  delightful  to  my  heart,  and  with  every  con- 
fidence and  joy  I  suffered  them  to  take  me  to 
court  that  instant.  After  the  usual  ceremonies 
of  introduction,  suffice  it  to  say  that  I  met  with 
every  honor  and  applause  that  my  most  san- 
guine expectations  could  demand.  I  had  always 
a  taste  for  the  fashionable  je  ne  sais  quoi  of  the 
most  elegant  society,  and  in  the  presence  of  all 
the  sovereigns  of  Europe  I  ever  found  myself 
quite  at  home,  and  experienced  from  the  whole 
court  the  most  flattering  esteem  and  admiration. 
I  remember,  one  particular  day,  the  fate  of 
the  unfortunate  Marquis  de  Bellecourt.  The 
Countess  of  Rassinda,  who  accompanied  him, 
looked  most  divinely.  "  Yes,  I  am  confident,'* 
said  the  Marquis  de  Bellecourt  to  me,  "  that  I 
have  acted  according  to  the  strictest  sentiments 
of  justice  and  of  loyalty  to  my  sovereign.  What 
stronger  breast-plate  than  a  heart  untainted  ? 
and  though  I  did  not  receive  a  word  nor  a  look, 


174  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS   OF 

yet  I  cannot  think — no,  it  were  impossible  to  be 
misrepresented.  Conscious  of  my  own  integrity, 
I  will  try  again — I  will  go  boldly  up."  The 
Marquis  de  Bellecourt  saw  the  opportunity ;  he 
•advanced  three  paces,  put  his  hand  upon  his 
breast  and  bowed.     "  Permit  me,"  said  he,  "  with 

the  most  profound  respect  to "     His  tongue 

faltered — he  could  scarcely  believe  his  sight,  for 
at  that  moment  the  whole  company  were  moving 
out  of  the  room.  He  found  himself  almost  alone, 
deserted  by  every  one.  "  What !"  said  he,  "  and 
.  did  he  turn  upon  his  heel  with  the  most  marked 
contempt  ?  Would  he  not  speak  to  me  ?  Would 
he  not  even  hear  me  utter  a  word  in  my  de- 
fence?" His  heart  died  within  him — not  even 
a  look,  a  smile  from  any  one.  "  My  friends ! 
Do  they  not  know  me  ?  Do  they  not  see  me  ? 
Alas !   they  fear  to  catch  the  contagion  of  my 

.     Then,"   said   he,   "  adieu  ! — 'tis   more 

than  I  can  bear.  I  shall  go  to  my  country  seat, 
and  never,  never  will  return.  Adieu,  fond  court, 
adieu !— " 

The  venerable  Marquis  de  Bellecourt  stopped 
for  a  moment  ere  he  entered  his  carriage.  Thrice 
he  looked  back,  and  thrice  he  wiped  the  starting 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN,  175 

tear  from  his  eye.  ''  Yes,"  said  he,  ^^for  once,  at 
least,  truth  shall  be  found — in  the  bottom  of  a 
well !" 

Peace  to  thy  ghost,  most  noble  marquis !  a 
King  of  kings  shall  pity  thee;  and  thousands 
who  are  yet  unborn  shall  owe  their  happiness  to 
thee,  and  have  cause  to  bless  the  thousands,  per- 
haps, that  shall  never  even  know  thy  name ;  but 
Munchausen's  self  shall  celebrate  thy  glory ! 


CHAPTER  XXII. 


Preparations  for  the'  Baron's  expedition  into  Africa — De- 
scription of  his  chariot ;  the  beauties  of  its  interior  deco- 
rations ;  the  animals  that  drew  it,  and  the  mechanism  of 
the  wheels. 

VERYTHING  being  concluded,  and 
having  received  my  instructions  for 
the  voyage,  I  was  conducted  by  the 
illustrious  Hilaro  Frosticos,  the  Lady  Fragran- 
tia  and  a  prodigious  crowd  of  nobility,  and  placed 
sitting  upon  the  summit  of  the  whale's  bones  at 
the  palace ;  and  having  remained  in  this  situa- 
tion for  three  days  and  three  nights  as  a  trial 
ordeal  and  a  specimen  of  my  perseverance  and 
resolution,  the  third  hour  after  midnight  they 
seated  me  in  the  chariot  of  Queen  Mab.  It  was 
of  a  prodigious  dimension,  large  enough  to  con- 
tain more  stowage  than  the  tun  of  Heidelberg, 

(176) 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  177 

and  globular,  like  a  hazel-nut :  in  fact,  it  seemed 
to  be  really  a  hazel-nut  grown  to  a  most  extrav- 
agant dimension,  and  that  a  great  worm  of  pro- 
portionable enormity  had  bored  a  hole  in  the 
shell.  Through  this  same  entrance  I  was  ushered. 
It  was  as  large  as  a  coach-door  and  I  took  my 
seat  in  the  centre,  a  kind  of  chair  self-balanced 
without  touching  anything,  like  the  fancied  tomb 
of  Mahomet.  The  whole  interior  surface  of  th^ 
nutshell  appeared  a  luminous  representation  of 
all  the  stars  of  heaven,  the  fixed  stars,  the 
planets  and  a  comet.  The  stars  were  as  large 
as  those  worn  by  our  first  nobility,  and  the 
comet,  excessively  brilliant,  seemed  as  if  you 
had  assembled  all  the  eyes  of  the  beautiful  girls 
in  the  kingdom,  and  combined  them,  like  a  pea- 
cock's plumage,  into  the  form  of  a  comet — that 
is,  a  globe  and  a  bearded  tail  to  it,  diminishing^ 
gradually  to  a  point.  This  beautiful  constella- 
tion seemed  very  sportive  and  delightful.  It 
was  much  in  the  form  of  a  tadpole  !  and,  without 
ceasing,  went,  full  of  playful  giddiness,  up  and 
down  all  over  the  heaven  on  the  concave  surface 
of  the  nutshell.  One  time  it  would  be  at  that 
part  of  the  heavens  under  my  feet  and  in  the 
12 


178  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS   OF 

next  minute  would  be  over  my  head.  It  was 
never  at  rest,  but  for  ever  going  east,  west,  north 
or  south,  and  paid  no  more  respect  to  the  differ- 
ent worlds  than  if  they  were  so  many  lanterns 
without  reflectors.  Some  of  them  he  would 
dash  against  and  push  out  of  their  places ; 
others  he  would  burn  up  and  consume  to  ashes ; 
and  others  again  he  would  split  into  fritters,  and 
their  fragments  would  instantly  take  a  globular 
form,  like  spilled  quicksilver,  and  become  sat- 
ellites to  whatever  other  worlds  they  should 
happen  to  meet  with  in  their  career.  In  short, 
the  whole  seemed  an  epitome  of  the  creation, 
past,  present  and  future ;  and  all  that  passes 
among  the  stars  during  one  thousand  years  was 
here  generally  performed  in  as  many  seconds. 

I  surveyed  all  the  beauties  of  the  chariot  with 
wonder  and  delight.  "  Certainly,"  cried  I,  "  this 
is  heaven  in  miniature !"  In  short,  I  took  the 
reins  in  my  hand.  But  before  I  proceed  on  my 
adventures,  I  shall  mention  the  rest  of  my 
attendant  furniture.  The  chariot  was  drawn  by 
a  team  of  nine  bulls  harnessed  to  it,  three  after 
three.  In  the  first  rank  was  a  most  tremendous 
bull  named  John  Mowmowsky;    the  rest  were 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  179 

called  Jacks  in  general,  but  not  dignified  by  any 
particular  denomination.  They  were  all  shod 
for  the  journey,  not  indeed  like  horses,  with  iron, 
or  as  bullocks  commonly  are,  to  drag  on  a  cart ; 
but  were  shod  with  men's  skulls.  Each  of  their 
feet  was,  hoof  and  all,  crammed  into  a  mans 
head,  cut  oflf  for  the  purpose,  and  fiistened 
therein  with  a  kind  of  cement  or  paste,  so  that 
the  skull  seemed  to  be  a  part  of  the  foot  and 
hoof  of  the  animal.  With  these  skull-shoes  the 
creatures  could  perform  astonishing  journeys, 
and  slide  upon  the  water,  or  upon  the  ocean, 
with  great  velocity.  The  harnesses  were  fast- 
ened with  golden  buckles,  and  decked  with  studs 
in  a  superb  style,  and  the  creatures  were  ridden 
by  nine  postilions,  crickets  of  a  great  size,  as 
large  as  monkeys,  who  sat  squat  upon  the  heads 
of  the  bulls,  and  were  continually  chirping  at  a 
most  infernal  rate,  loud  in  proportion  to  their 
bodies. 

The  wheels  of  the  chariot  consisted  of  upwards 
of  ten  thousand  springs,  formed  so  as  to  give  the 
greater  impetuosity  to  the  vehicle,  and  were 
more  complex  than  a  dozen  clocks  like  that  of 
Strasburg.     The   external   of  the   chariot   was 


180  BARON  MUNCHAUSEN. 

adorned  with  banners,  and  a  superb  festoon  of 
laurel  that  formerly  shaded  me  on  horseback. 
And  now,  having  given  you  a  very  concise  de- 
scription of  my  machine  for  travelling  into 
Africa,  which  you  must  allow  to  be  far  superior 
to  the  apparatus  of  Monsieur  Vaillant,  I  shall 
proceed  to  relate  the  exploits  of  my  voyage. 


CHAPTER  XXIII. 

The  Baron  proceeds  on  his  voyage — Convoys  a  squadron 
to  Gibraltar — Declines  the  acceptance  of  the  Island  of 
Candia — His  chariot  damaged  by  Pompey's  Pillar  and 
Cleopatra's  Needle — The  Baron  out-does  Alexander — 
Breaks  his  chariot,  and  splits  a  great  rock  at  the  Cape 
of  Good  Hope. 

lAKING  the  reins  in  my  hand,  while  the 
music  gave  a  general  salute,  I  cracked 
my  whip,  away  they  went,  and  in 
three  hours  I  found  myself  just  between  the  Isle 
of  Wight  and  the  main  land  of  England.  Hero 
I  remained  four  days,  until  I  had  received  part 
of  my  accompaniment,  which  I  was  ordered  to 
take  under  my  convoy.  'Twas  a  squadron  of 
men-of-war  that  had  been  a  long  time  prepared 

(181) 


182  ORIGINAL   TRAVELS   OF 

for  the  Baltic,  but  which  were  now  destined  for 
the  Mediterranean.  By  the  assistance  of  large 
hooks  and  eyes,  exactly  such  as  are  worn  in  our 
hats,  hut  of  a  greater  size,  some  hundredweight 
each,  the  men-of-war  hooked  themselves  on  to 
the  wheels  of  the  vehicle  :  and,  in  fact,  nothing 
could  be  more  simple  or  convenient,  because  they 
could  be  hooked  or  unhooked  in  an  instant  with 
the  utmost  facility.  In  short,  having  given  a 
general  discharge  of  their  artillery,  and  three 
cheers,  I  cracked  my  whip,  away  we  went,  bel- 
ter skelter,  and  in  six  jiffies  I  found  myself  and 
all  my  retinue  safe  and  in  good  spirits  just  at  the 
rock  of  Gibraltar.  Here  I  unhooked  my  squad- 
ron, and  having  taken  an  affectionate  leave  of 
the  officers,  I  suffered  them  to  proceed  in  their 
ordinary  manner  to  the  place  of  their  destination. 
The  whole  garrison  were  highly  delighted  with 
the  novelty  of  my  vehicle  ;  and  at  the  pressing 
solicitations  of  the  governor  and  officers  I  w^ent 
ashore,  and  took  a  view  of  that  barren  old  rock, 
about  which  more  powder  has  been  fired  away 
than  would  purchase  twice  as  much  fertile  ground 
in  any  part  of  the  world  !  Mounting  my  chariot, 
I  took  the  reins,  and  again  made  forward,  in  mad 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  183 

career,  down  the  Mediterranean  to  the  isle  of 
Candia.  Here  I  received  despatches  from  the 
Sublime  Porte,  entreating  me  to  assfst  in  the  war 
against  Russia,  with  a  reward  of  the  whole  island 
of  Candia  for  my  alliance.  At  first  I  hesitated, 
thinking  that  the  island  of  Candia  would  be  a 
most  valuable  acquisition  to  the  sovereign  who 
at  that  time  employed  me,  and  that  the  most  de- 
licious wines,  sugar,  &c.,  in  abundance  would 
flourish  on  the  island ;  yet,  when  I  considered 
the  trade  of  the  East  India  Company,  which 
would  most  probably  suffer  by  the  intercourse 
with  Persia  through  the  Mediterranean,  I  at  once 
rejected  the  proposal,  and  had  afterwards  the 
thanks  of  the  Honorable  the  House  of  Commons 
for  my  propriety  and  political  discernment.' 

Having  been  properly  refreshed  at  Candia,  I 
again  proceeded,  and  in  a  short  time  arrived  in 
the  land  of  Egypt.  The  land  of  this  country, 
at  least  that  part  of  it  near  the  sea,  is  very  low, 
so  that  I  came  upon  it  ere  I  was  aware,  and  the 
pillar  of  Pompey  got  entangled  in  the  various 
wheels  of  the  machine,  and  damaged  the  whole 
considerably.  Still  I  drove  on  through  thick  and 
thin,  till,  passing   over  that   great  obelisk,  the 


184  ORIGINAL   TRAVELS   OF 

Needle  of  Cleopatra,  the  work  got  entangled 
again,  and  jolted  at  a  miserable  rate  over  the 
mud  and  swampy  ground  of  all  that  country; 
yet  my  poor  bulls  trotted  on  with  astonishing 
labor  across  the  Isthmus  of  Suez  into  the  Red 
Sea,  and  left  a  track,  an  obscure  channel,  which 
has  since  been  taken  by  De  Tott  for  the  remains 
of  a  canal  cut  by  some  of  the  Ptolemies  from  the 
Eed  Sea  to  the  Mediterranean ;  but,  as  you  per- 
ceive, was  in  reality  no  more  than  the  track  of 
my  chariot,  the  car  of  Queen  Mab. 

As  the  artists  at  present  in  that  country  are 
nothing  wonderful,  though  the  ancient  Egyptians, 
'tis  said,  were  most  astonishing  fellows,  I  could 
not  procure  any  new  coach-springs,  or  have  a 
possibility  of  setting  my  machine  torights  in  the 
kingdom  of  Egypt ;  and  as  I  could  not  presume 
to  attempt  another  journey  overland,  and  the 
great  mountains  of  marble  beyond  the  source  of 
the  Nile,  I  thought  it  most  eligible  to  make  the 
best  way  I  could,  by  sea,  to  the  Cape  of  Good 
Hope,  where  I  supposed  I  should  get  some  Dutch 
smiths'  and  carpenters,  or  perhaps  some  English 
artists ;  and  my  vehicle  being  properly  repaired, 
it  was  my  intention  thence  to  proceed,  overland, 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  185 

through  the  heart  of  Africa.  The  surface  of  the 
water,  I  well  knew,  afforded  less  resistance  to 
the  wheels  of  the  machine-:— it  passed  along  the 
waves  like  the  chariot  of  Neptune ;  and,  in  short, 
having  gotten  upon  the  Red  Sea,  we  scudded 
away  to  admiration  through  the  pass  of  Bab  el 
Mandeb  to  the  great  Western  coast  of  Africa, 
where  Alexander  had  not  the  courage  to  venture. 
And  really,  my  friends,  if  Alexander  had  ven- 
tured toward  the  Cape  of  Good  Hope  he  most 
probably  would  have  never  returned.  It  is  dif- 
ficult to  determine  whether  there  were  then  any 
inhabitants  in  the  more  southern  parts  of  Africa 
or  not;  yet,  at  any  rate,  this  conqueror  of  the 
world  would  have  made  but  a  nonsensical  adven- 
ture ;  his  miserable  ships,  not  contrived  for  a 
long  voyage,  would  have  become  leaky,  and 
foundered,  before  he  could  have  doubled  the 
Cape,  and  left  his  Majesty  fairly  beyond  the  lim- 
its of  the  then  known  world.  Yet  it  would  have 
been  an  august  exit  for  an  Alexander,  after  hav- 
hig  subdued  Persia  and  India,  to  be  wandering, 
the  Lord  knows  where,  to  Jup  or  Ammon,  per- 
haps, or  on  a  voyage  to  the  Moon,  as  an  Indian 
chief  once  said  to  Captain  Cook. 


186  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

But,  for  my  part,  I  was  far  more  successful 
than  Alexander ;  I  drove  on  with  the  most  amaz- 
ing rapidity,  and  thinking  to  halt  on  shore  at 
the  Cape,  I  unfortunately  drove  too  close,  and 
shattered  the  right  side  wheels  of  my  vehicle 
against  the  rock,  now  called  the  Table  Mountain. 
The  machine  went  against  it  with  such  impet- 
uosity as  completely  shivered  the  rock  in  a  hori- 
zontal direction ;  so  that  the  summit  of  the 
mountain,  in  the  form  of  a  semisphere,  was 
knocked  into  the  sea,  and  the  steep  mountain 
becoming  thereby  flattened  at  the  top,  has  since 
received  the  name  of  the  Table  Mountain,  from 
its  similarity  to  that  piece  of  furniture. 

Just  as  this  part  of  the  mountain  was  knocked 
off,  the  ghost  of  the  Cape,  that  tremendous  sprite 
which  cuts  such  a  figure  in  the  Lusiad,  was  dis- 
covered sitting  squat  in  an  excavation  formed  for 
him  in  the  centre  of  the  mountain.  He  seemed 
just  like  a  young  bee  in  his  little  cell  before  he 
comes  forth,  or  like  a  bean  in  a  bean-pod ;  and 
when  the  upper  part  of  the  mountain  was  split 
across  and  knocked  off,  the  superior  half  of  his 
person  was  discovered.  He  appeared  of  a  bottle- 
blue  color,  and  started,  dazzled  with  the   unex- 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN. 


187 


pected  glare  of  the  light ;  hearing  the  dreadful 
rattle  of  the  wheels,  and  the  loud  chirping  of  the 
crickets,  he  was  thunder-struck,  and  instantly 
giving  a  shriek,  sunk  down  ten  thousand  fathoms 
into  the  earth,  while  the  mountain,  vomiting  out 
some  smoke,  silently  closed  up,  and  left  not  a 
trace  behind ! 


CHAPTER  XXIV. 

The  Baron  secures  his  chariot,  &c.,  at  the  Cape  and  takes 
his  passage  for  England  in  a  homeward-bound  Indiaman 
— Wrecked  upon  an  island  of  ice,  near  the  coast  of 
Guinea — Escapes  from  the  wreck,  and  rears  a  variety  of 
vegetables  upon  the  island — Meets  some  vessels  belonging 
to  the  negroes  bringing  white  slaves  from  Europe,  in 
retaliation,  to  work  upon  their  plantations  in  a  cold  cli- 
mate near  the  South  Pole — Arrives  in  England  and  lays 
an  account  of  his  expedition  before  the  Privy  Council — 
Great  preparations  for  a  new  expedition — The  Sphinx, 
Gog  and  Magog,  and  a  great  company  attend  him — The 
ideas  of  Hilaro  Frosticos  respecting  the  interior  parts  of 
Africa. 


PERCEIVED  with  grief  and  conster- 
nation the  miscarriage  of  all  my 
apparatus ;  yet  I  was  not  absolutely 
dejected ;  a  great  mind  is  never  known  but  in 
adversity.  With  permission  of  the  Dutch  gov- 
ernor the  chariot  was  properly  laid  up  in  a  great 

(188) 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN,  Igg- 

storehouse,  erected  at  the  water's  edge,  and  the 
bulls  received  every  refreshment  possible  after  so 
terrible  a  voyage.  Well,  you  may  be  sure  they 
deserved  it,  and  therefore  every  attendance  was 
engaged  for  them,  until  I  should  return. 

As  it  was  not  possible  to  do  anything  more  I 
took  my  passage  in  a  homeward-bound  Indiaman, 
to  return  to  London,  and  lay  the  matter  before 
the  Privy  Council. 

We  met  with  nothing  particular  until  we  ar- 
rived upon  the  coast  of  Guinea,  where,  to  our 
utter  astonishment,  we  perceived  a  great  hill, 
seemingly  of  glass,  advancing  against  us  in  the 
open  sea ;  the  rays  of  the  sun  were  reflected 
upon  it  with  such  splendor  that  it  was  extremely 
difiicult  to  gaze  at  the  phenomenon.  I  imme- 
diately knew  it  to  be  an  island  of  ice,  and  though 
in  so  very  warm  a  latitude,  determined  to  make 
all  possible  sail  from  such  horrible  danger.  We 
did  so,  but  all  in  vain,  for  about  eleven  o'clock 
at  night,  blowing  a  very  hard  gale,  and  exceed- 
ingly dark,  we  struck  upon  the  island.  Nothing 
could  equal  the  distraction,  the  shrieks  and  de- 
spair of  the  whole  crew,  until  I,  knowing  there 
was  not  a  moment  to  be  lost,  cheered  up  their 


190  ORIGIKAL    TRAVELS   OF 

spirits,  and  bade  them  not  despond,  but  do  as  I 
should  request  them.  In  a  few  minutes  the  ves- 
sel was  half  full  of  water,  and  the  enormous  castle 
of  ice  that  seemed  to  hem  us  in  on  every  side, 
in  some  places  falling  in  hideous  fragments  upon 
the  deck,  killed  the  one-half  of  the  crew;  upon 
which,  getting  upon  the  summit  of  the  mast,  I 
contrived  to  make  it  fast  to  a  great  promontory 
of  the  ice,  and  calling  to  the  remainder  of  the 
crew  to  follow  me,  we  all  escaped  from  the  wreck, 
and  got  upon  the  summit  of  the  island. 

The  rising  sun  soon  gave  us  a  dreadful  prospect 
of  our  situation,  and  the  loss,  or  rather  icefication, 
of  the  vessel ;  for  being  closed  in  on  every  side 
with  castles  of  ice  during  the  night,  she  was  ab- 
solutely frozen  over  and  buried  in  such  a  manner 
that  we  could  behold  her  under  our  feet,  even  in 
the  central  solidity  of  the  island.  Having  debated 
what  was  best  to  be  done,  we  immediately  cut 
down  through  the  ice,  and  got  up  some  of  the 
cables  of  the  vessel,  and  the  boats,  which,  making 
fast  to  ihe  island,  we  towed  it  with  all  our  might, 
determined  to  bring  home  island  and  all,  or  per- 
ish in  the  attempt.  On  the  summit  of  the  island 
we  placed  what  oakum  and  dregs  of  every  kind 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  \^\ 

of  matter  we  could  get  from  the  vessel,  which, 
in  the  space  of  a  very  few  hours,  on  account  of 
the  liquefj^ing  of  the  ice,  and  the  warmth  of  the 
sun,  were  transformed  into  a  very  fine  manure ; 
and  as  I  had  some  seeds  of  exotic  vegetables  in 
my  pocket,  we  shortly  had  a  sufficiency  of  fruits 
and  roots  growing  upon  the  island  to  supply  the 
whole  crew,  especially  the  bread-fruit  tree,  a  few 
plants  of  which  had  been  in  the  vessel;  and 
another  tree,  which  bore  plum-puddings  so  very 
hot,  and  with  such  exquisite  proportion  of  sugar, 
fruit,  &c.,  that  we  all  acknowledged  it  was  not 
possible  to  taste  anything  of  the  kind  more  deli- 
cious in  England  :  in  short,  though  the  scurvy 
had  made  such  dreadful  progress  among  the  crew 
before  our  striking  upon  the  ice,  the  supply  of 
vegetables,  and  especially  the  bread-fruit  and 
pudding-fruit,  put  an  almost  immediate  stop  to 
the  distemper. 

We  had  not  proceeded  thus  many  weeks,  ad- 
vancing with  incredible  fotigue  by  continual  tow- 
ing, when  we  fell  in  with  a  fleet  of  Negromen,  as 
they  call  them.  These  wretches,  I  must  inform 
you,  my  dear  friends,  had  found  means  to  make 
prizes  of  those  vessels  from  some  Europeans  upon 


192  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

the  coast  of  Guinea,  and  tasting  the  sweets  of 
luxury,  had  formed  colonies  in  several  new  dis- 
covered islands  near  the  south  pole,  where  they 
had  a  variety  of  plantations  of  such  matters  as 
would  only  grow  in  the  coldest  climates.  As 
the  black  inhabitants  of  Guinea  were  unsuited  to 
the  climate  and  excessive  cold  of  the  country, 
they  formed  the  diabolical  project  of  getting 
Christian  slaves  to  work  for  them.  For  this  pur- 
pose they  sent  vessels  every  year  to  the  coast  of 
Scotland,  the  northern  parts  of  Ireland  and 
Wales,  and  were  even  sometimes  seen  off  the 
coast  of  Cornwall.  And  having  purchased,  or 
entrapped  by  fraud  or  violence,  a  great  number 
of  men,  women  and  children,  they  proceeded 
with  their  cargoes  of  human  flesh  to  the  other 
end  of  the  world,  and  sold  them  to  their  planters, 
where  they  were  flogged  into  obedience,  and 
made  to  work  like  horses  all  the  rest  of  their 
lives. 

My  blood  ran  cold  at  the  idea,  while  every 
one  on  the  island  also  expressed  his  horror  that 
such  an  iniquitous  traffic  should  be  suffered  to 
exist.  But,  except  by  open  violence,  it  was 
found  impossible  to  destroy  the  trade,  on  account 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  I93 

of  a  barbarous  prejudice,  entertained  of  late  by 
the  negroes,  that  the  white  people  have  no  souls ! 
However,  we  were  determined  to  attack  them, 
and  steering  down  our  island  upon  them,  soon 
overwhelmed  them  ;  we  saved  as  many  of  the 
white  people  as  possible,  but  pushed  all  the  blacks 
into  the  water  again.  The  poor  creatures  we 
saved  from  slavery  were  so  overjoyed,  that  they 
wept  aloud  through  gratitude,  and  we  experienced 
every  delightful  sensation  to  think  what  happi- 
ness we  should  shower  upon  their  parents,  their 
brothers  and  sisters  and  children,  by  bringing 
them  home  safe,  redeemed  from  slavery,  to  the 
bosom  of  their  native  country. 

Having  happily  arrived  in  England,  I  imme- 
diately laid  a  statement  of  my  voyage,  &c.,  before 
the  Privy  Council,  and  entreated  an  immediate 
assistance  to  travel  into  Africa,  and,  if  possible, 
refit  my  formej  machine,  and  take  it  along  with 
the  rest.  Everything  was  instantly  granted  to 
my  satisfaction,  and  I  received  orders  to  get 
mj^self  ready  for  departure  as  soon  as  possible. 

As  the    Emperor  of  China  had  sent  a  most 
curious  animal  as  a  present  to  Europe,  which  was 
kept  in  the  Tower,  and  it  being  of  an  enormous 
13 


194  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

stature,  and  capable  of  performing  the  voyage 
with  iclat,  she  was  ordered  to  attend  me.  She 
was  called  Sphinx,  and  was  one  of  the  most 
tremendous  though  magnificent  figures  I  ever  be- 
held. She  was  harnessed  with  superb  trappings 
to  a  large  flat-bottomed  boat,  in  which  was  placed 
an  edifice  of  wood,  exactly  representing  West- 
minster Hall.  Two  balloons  were  placed  over 
it,  tackled  by  a  number  of  ropes  to  the  boat,  to 
keep  up  a  proper  equilibrium,  and  prevent  it 
from  overturning,  or  filling,  from  the  prodigious 
weight  of  the  fabric. 

The  interior  of  the  edifice  was  decorated  with 
seats,  in  the  form  of  an  amphitheatre,  and 
crammed  as  full  as  it  could  hold  with  ladies  and 
lords,  as  a  council  and  retinue  for  your  humble 
servant.  Nearly  in  the  centre  was  a  seat  ele- 
gantly decorated  for  myself,  and  on  either  side 
of  me  were  placed  the  famous  Gog  and  Magog  in 
all  their  pomp. 

The  Lord  Viscount  Gosamer  being  our  post- 
ilion, we  floated  gallantly  down  the  river,  the 
noble  Sphinx  gambolling  like  the  huge  leviathan, 
and  towing  after  her  the  boat  and  balloons. 

Thus  we   advanced,   sailing  gently,  into  the 


BARON  MTJNCHAUSEK  I95 

open  sea ;  being  calm  weather,  we  could  scarcely 
feel  the  motion  of  the  vehicle,  and  passed  our 
time  in  grand  debate  upon  the  glorious  intention 
of  our  voyage,  and  the  discoveries  that  would 
result. 

"1  am  of  opinion,"  said  my  noble  friend, 
Hilaro  Frosticos,  "  that  Africa  was  originally  in- 
habited for  the  greater  part,  or,  I  may  say,  sub- 
jugated by  lions,  which,  next  to  man,  seem  to  be 
the  most  dreaded  of  all  mortal  tyrants.  The 
country  in  general — at  least,  what  we  have  been 
hitherto  able  to  discover,  seems  rather  inimical 
to  human  life ; .  the  intolerable  dryness  of  the 
place,  the  burning  sands  that  overwhelm  whole 
armies  and  cities  in  general  ruin,  and  the  hideous 
life  many  roving  hordes  are  compelled  to  lead, 
incline  me  to  think,  that  if  ever  we  form  any 
great  settlements  therein,  it  will  become  the 
grave  of  our  countrymen.  Yet  it  is  nearer  to  us 
than  the  East  Indies,  and  I  cannot  but  imagine, 
that  in  many  places  every  production  of  China, 
and  of  the  East  and  West  Indies,  would  flourish, 
if  properly  attended  to.  And  as  the  country  is 
so  prodigiously  extensive  and  unknown,  what  a 
source  of  discovery  must  not  it  contain  !    In  fact, 


195  BARON  MUNCRA  USEN. 

we  know  less  about  the  interior  of  Africa  than 
we  do  of  the  Moon ;  for  in  this  latter  we  measure 
the  very  prominences^  and  observe  the  varieties 
and  inequalities  of  the  surface  through  our 
glasses, 

"  Forests  and  mountains  on  her  spotted  orb. 

"  But  we  see  nothing  in  the  interior  of  Africa, 
but  what  some  compilers  of  maps  or  geographers 
are  fanciful  enough  to  imagine.  What  a  happy 
event,  therefore,  should  we  not  expect  from  a 
voyage  of  discovery  and  colonization  undertaken 
in  so  magnificent  a  style  as  the  present !  \Yhat  a 
pride — what  an  acquisition  to  philosophy  !'* 


CHAPTER  XXV. 

Count  Gosamer  thrown  by  Sphinx  into  the  snow  on  the  top 
of  Teneriffe — Gog  and  Magog  conduct  Sphinx  for  the 
rest  of  the  voyage-^The  Baron  arrives  at  the  Cape,  and 
unites  his  former  chariot,  &c.,  to  his  new  retinue — Passes 
into  Africa,  proceeding  from  the  Cape  northwards — De- 
feats a  host  of  lions,  by  a  curious  stratagem — Travels 
through  an  immense  desert — His  whole  company,  chariot, 
xfcc,  overwhelmed  by  a  whirlwind  of  sand — Extricates 
them,  and  arrives  in  a  fertile  country. 

|HE  brave  Count  Gosamer,  with  a  huge 
pair  of  hell-fire  spurs  on,  riding  upon 
Sphinx,  directed  the  whole  retinue 
towards  the  Madeiras,  But  the  Count  had  no 
small  share  of  an  amiable  vanity,  and  perceiving 
great  multitudes  of  people,  Gascons,  &c.,  as- 
sembled  upon   the  French  coast,   he  could  not 

(197) 


198  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS   OF 

refrain  from  showing  some  singular  capers,  such 
as  they  had  never  seen  before :  but  especially 
when  he  observed  all  the  members  of  the  Na- 
tional Assembly  extend  themselves  along  the 
shore,  as  a  piece  of  French  politeness,  to  honor 
this  expedition,  w^ith  Rousseau,  Voltaire,  and 
Beelzebub  at  their  head ;  he  set  spurs  to  Sphinx, 
and  at  the  same  time  cut  and  cracked  away  as 
hard  as  he  could,  holding  in  the  reins  with  all 
his  might,  striving  to  make  the  creature  plunge 
and  show  some  uncommon  diversion.  But  sulky 
and  ill-tempered  was  Sphinx  at  the  time :  she 
plunged  indeed — such  a  devil  of  a  plunge,  that 
she  dashed  him  in  one  jerk  over  her  head,  and 
he  fell  precipitately  into  the  water  before  her. 
It  was  in  the  Bay  of  Biscay,  all  the  world 
knows  a  very  boisterous  sea,  and  Sphinx  fear- 
ing he  would  be  drowned,  never  turned  to  the 
left  or  the  right  out  of  her  way,  •  but  advanc- 
ing furious,  just  stooped  her  head  a  little,  and 
supped  the  poor  Count  off  the  water,  into  her 
mouth,  together  with  the  quantity  of  two  or 
three  tuns  of  water,  which  she  must  have  taken 
in  along  with  him,  but  which  were,  to  such  an 
enormous    creature   as    Sphinx,   nothing    more 


BARON  MUNCH  A  USEN.  199 

than  a  spoonful  would  be  to  any  of  you  or  me. 
She  swallowed  him,  but  when  she  had  got  him 
in  her  stomach,  his  long  spurs  so  scratched  and 
tickled  her,  that  they  produced  the  effect  of  an 
emetic.  No  sooner  was  he  in,  but  out  he  was 
squirted  with  the  most  horrible  impetuosity,  like 
a  ball  or  a  shell  from  the  calibre  of  a  mortar. 
Sphinx  was  at  this  time  quite  sea-sick,  and  the 
unfortunate  Count  was  driven  forth  like  a  sky- 
rocket, and  landed  upon  the  peak  of  Teneriffe, 
plunged  over  head  and  ears  in  the  snow — 
requiescat  in  pace  ! 

I  perceived  all  this  mischief  from  my  seat  in 
the  ark,  but  was  in  such  a  convulsion  of  laughter 
that  I  could  not  utter  an  intelligible  word.  And 
now  Sphinx,  deprived  of  her  postilion,  went  on 
in  a  zigzag  direction,  and  gambolled  away  after 
a  most  dreadful  manner.  And  thus  had  every- 
thing gone  to  wreck,  had  I  not  given  instant 
orders  to  Gog  and  Magog  to  sally  forth.  They 
plunged  into  the  water,  and  swimming  on  each 
side,  got  at  length  right  before  the  animal,  and 
then  seized  the  reins.  Thus  they  continued 
swimming  on  each  side,  like  tritons,  holding  the 
muzzle  of  Sphinx,  while  I,  sallying  forth  astride 


200  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS   OF 

upon  the  creature's  back,  steered  forward  on  our 
voyage  to  the  Cape  of  Good  Hope. 

Arriving  at  the  Cape  I  immediately  gave  or- 
ders to  repair  my  former  chariot  and  machines, 
which  were  very  expeditiously  performed  by  the 
excellent  artists  I  had  brought  with  me  from 
Europe.  And  now  everything  being  refitted,  we 
launched  forth  upon  the  water :  perhaps  there 
never  was  anything  seen  more  glorious  or  more 
august.  'Twas  magnificent  to  behold  Sphinx 
make  her  obeisance  on  the  water,  and  the  crick- 
ets chirp  upon  the  bulls  in  return  of  the  salute  ; 
while  Gog  and  Magog  advancing,  took  the  reins 
of  the  great  John  Mowmowsky,  and  leading 
towards  us,  chariot  and  all,  instantly  disposed  of 
them  to  the  forepart  of  the  ark  by  hooks  and 
eyes,  and  tackled  Sphinx  before  all  the  bulls. 
Thus  the  whole  had  a  most  tremendous  and 
triumphal  appearance.  In  front  floated  forwards 
the  mighty  Sphinx,  with  Gog  and  Magog  on  each 
side ;  next  followed  in  order  the  bulls  with  crick- 
ets upon  their  heads;  and  then  advanced  the 
chariot  of  Queen  Mab,  containing  the  curious 
seat  and  orrery  of  heaven  ;  after  which  appeared 
the   boat  and   ark  of  council,  overtopped  with 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  201 

two  balloons,  which  gave  an  air  of  greater 
lightness  and  elegance  to  the  whole.  I  placed 
in  the  galleries  under  the  balloons  and  on  the 
backs  of  the  bulls,  a  number  of  excellent  vocal 
performers,  with  martial  music  of  clarionets  and 
trumpets.  They  sung  the  Watery  Dangers  and 
the  Pomp  of  deep  Cerulean  !  The  sun  shone  glo- 
rious on  the  water  while  the  procession  advanced 
toward  the  land  under  five  hundred  arches  of 
ice,  illuminated  with  colored  lights  and  adorned 
in  the  most  grotesque  and  fjuiciful  style  with 
sea-weed,  elega'nt  festoons  and  shells  of  every 
kind ;  while  a  thousand  water-spouts  danced 
eternally  before  and  after  us,  attracting  the  water 
from  the  sea  in  a  kind  of  cone,  and  suddenly 
uniting  with  the  most  fantastical  thunder  and 
lightning. 

Having  landed  our  whole  retinue,  we  imme- 
diately began  to  proceed  toward  the  heart  of 
Africa,  but  first  thought  it  expedient  to  place  a 
number  of  wheels  under  the  ark  for  its  greater 
facility  of  advancing.  We  journeyed  nearly  due 
north  for  several  days,  and  met  with  nothing  re- 
markable, except  the  astonishment  of  the  savage 
natives  to  behold  our  equipage. 


202  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS   OF 

The  Dutch  Government  at  the  Cape,  to  do 
them  justice,  gave  us  every  possible  assistance 
for  the  expedition.  I  presume  thej^  had  re- 
ceived instruction  on  that  head  from  their  Hiah 
Mightinesses  in  Holland.  However,  they  pre- 
sented us  with  a  specimen  of  some  of  the  most 
excellent  of  their  Cape  wine,  and  showed  us 
every  politeness  in  their  power.  As  to  the  face 
of  the  country,  as  we  advanced,  it  appeared  in 
many  places  capable  of  every  cultivation  and  of 
abundant  fertility.  The  natives  and  Hottentots 
of  this  part  of  Africa  have  been,  frequently  de- 
scribed by  travellers,  and  therefore  it  is  not  ne- 
cessary to  say  any  more  about  them.  But  in  the 
more  interior  parts  of  Africa,  the  appearance, 
manners  and  genius  of  the  people  are  totally 
different. 

We  directed  our  course  by  the  compass  and 
the  stars,  getting  every  day  prodigious  quantities 
of  game  in  the  woods,  and  at  night  encamping 
within  a  proper  enclosure  for  fear  of  the  wild 
beasts.  One  whole  day  in  particular  we  heard 
on  every  side,  among  the  hills,  the  horrible  roar- 
ing of  lions  resounding  from  rock  to  rock  like 
broken  thunder.     It  seemed  as  if  there  was  a 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  203 

general  rendezvous  of  all  these  savage  animals 
to  fall  upon  our  party.  That  whole  day  we  ad- 
vanced with  caution,  our  hunters  scarcely  ven- 
turing beyond  pistol  shot  from  the  caravan  for 
fear  of  dissolution.  At  night  we  encamped  as 
usual,  and  threw  up  a  circular  entrenchment 
round  our  tents.  We  had  scarce  retired  to  repose 
when  we  found  ourselves  serenaded  by  at  least 
one  thousand  lions,  approaching  equally  on  every 
side,  and  within  a  hundred  paces.  Our  cattle 
showed  the  most  horrible  symptoms  of  fear,  all 
trembling,  and  in  cold  perspiration.  I  directly 
ordc'red  the  whole  company  to  stand  to  their 
arms,* and  not  to  make  any  noise  by  firing  till  I 
should  command  them.  I  then  took  a  large 
quantity  of  tar,  which  I  had  brought  with  our 
caravan  for  that  purpose,  and  strewed  it  in  a 
continued  stream  round  the  encampment,  within 
which  circle  of  tar  I  immediately  placed  another 
train  or  circle  of  gunpowder,  and  having  taken 
this  precaution,  I  anxiously  waited  the  lions'  ap- 
proach. .  These  dreadful  animals,  knowing,  I  pre- 
sume, the  force  of  our  troop,  advanced  very 
slowly,  and  with  caution,  approaching  on  every 
side  of  us  with  an  equal  pace,  and  growling  in 


204  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

hideous  concert,  so  as  to  resemble  an  earthquake, 
or  some  similar  convulsion  of  the  world.  When 
they  had  at  length  advanced  and  steeped  all  their 
paws  in  the  tar,  they  put  their  noses  to  it,  smell- 
ing it  as  if  it  were  blood,  and  daubed  their  great 
bushy  hair  and  whiskers  with  it  equal  to  their 
paws.  At  that  very  instant,  when,  in  concert, 
they  were  to  give  the  mortal  dart  upon  us,  I 
discharged  a  pistol  at  the  train  of  gunpowder, 
which  instantly  exploded  on  every  side,  made  all 
the  lions  recoil  in  general  uproar,  and  take  to 
flight  with  the  utmost  precipitation.  In  an  in- 
stant we  could  behold  them  scattered  through 
the  woods  at  some  distance,  roaring  in  agony, 
and  moving  about  like  so  many  Will-o'-the- Wisps, 
their  paws  and  faces  all  on  fire  from  the  tar  and 
the  gunpowder.  I  then  ordered  a  general  pur- 
suit :  we  followed  them  on  every  side  through 
the  woods,  their  own  light  serving  as  our  guide, 
until,  before  the  rising  of  the  sun,  we  followed 
into  their  fastnesses  and  shot  or  otherwise  de- 
stroyed every  one  of  them,  and  during  the  whole 
of  our  journey  after  we  never  heard  the  roaring 
of  a  lion,  nor  did  any  wild  beast  presume  to  make 
another  attack  upon  our  party,  which  shows  the 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  205 

excellence  of  immediate  presence  of  mind,  and 
the  terror  inspired  into  the  most  savage  enemies 
by  a  proper  and  well-timed  proceeding. 

We  at  length  arrived  on  the  confines  of  an  im- 
measurable desert — an  immense  plain,  extending 
on  every  side  of  us  like  an  ocean.  Not  a  tree, 
nor  a  shrub,  nor  a  blade  of  grass  was  to  be  seen, 
but  all  appeared  an  extreme  fine  sand,  mixed 
with  gold-dust  and  little  sparkling  pearls. 

The  gold-dust  and  pearls  appeared  to  us  of  lit- 
tle value,  because  we  could  have  no  expectation 
of  returning  to  England  for  a  considerable  time. 
We  observed,  at  a  great  distance,  something  like 
a  smoke  arising  just  over  the  verge  of  the  horizon, 
and  looking  with  our  telescopes  we  perceived  it 
to  be  a  whirlwind  tearing  up  the  sand  and  tossing 
it  about  in  the  heavens  with  frightful  impetuosity. 
I  immediately  ordered  my  companj^  to  erect  a 
mound  around  us  of  a  great  size,  which  we  did 
with  astonishing  labor  and  perseverance,  and 
then  roofed  it  over  with  certain  planks  and  tim- 
ber, which  we  had  with  us  for  the  purpose.  Our 
labor  was  scarcely  finished  when  the  sand  came 
rolling  in  like  the  waves  of  the  sea ;  'twas  a  storm 
and  river  of  sand  united.     It  continued  to  ad- 


206  ORIGINAL   TRAVELS  OF 

vance  in  the  same  direction,  without  intermission, 
for  three  days,  and  completely  covered  over  the 
mound  we  had  erected,  and  buried  us  all  within. 
The  intense  heat  of  the  place  was  intolerable ; 
but  guessing,  by  the  cessation  of  the  noise,  that 
the  storm  was  passed,  we  set  about  digging  a  pas- 
sage to  the  light  of  day  again,  which  we  effected 
in  a  very  short  time,  and  ascending,  perceived 
that  the  whole  had  been  so  completely  covered 
with  the  sand,  that  there  appeared  no  hills,  but 
one  continued  plain,  with  inequalities  or  ridges 
on  it  like  the  waves  of  the  sea.  We  soon  extri- 
cated our  vehicle  and  retinue  from  the  burning 
sands,  but  not  without  great  danger,  as  the  heat 
was  very  violent,  and  began  to  proceed  on  our 
voyage.  Storms  of  sand  of  a  similar  nature  sev- 
eral times  attacked  us,  but  by  using  the  same 
precautions  we  preserved  ourselves  repeatedly 
from  destruction.  Having  travelled  more  than 
nine  thousand  miles  over  this  inhospitable  plain, 
exposed  to  the  perpendicular  rays  of  a  burning 
sun,  without  ever  meeting  a  rivulet,  or  a  shower 
from  heaven  to  refresh  us,  we  at  length  became 
almost  desperate,  when,  to  our  inexpressible  joy, 
we  beheld  some  mountains  at  a  great  distance, 


BARON  MVNCHAUSEK.  207 

and  on  our  nearer  approach  observed  them  cov- 
ered with  a  carpet  of  verdure  and  groves  and 
woods.  Nothing  could  appear  more  romantic  or 
beautiful  than  the  rocks  and  precipices  intermin- 
gled with  flowers  and  shrubs  of  every  kind,  and 
palm-trees  of  such  a  prodigious  size  as  to  surpass 
anything  ever  seen  in  Europe.  Fruits  of  all  kinds 
appeared  growing  wild  in  the  utmost  abundance, 
and  antelopes  and  sheep  and  buffaloes  wandered 
about  the  groves  and  valleys  in  profusion.  The 
trees  resounded  with  the  melody  of  birds,  and 
everything  displayed  a  general  scene  of  rural 
happiness  and  joy. 


CHAPTER  XXYI. 

A  feast  on  live  bulls  and  kava — The  inhabitants  admire 
the  European  adventurers — The  Emperor  comes  to  meet 
the  Baron,  and  pays  him  great  compliments — The  inhab- 
itants of  the  centre  of  Africa  descended  from  the  people 
of  the  Moon,  proved  by  an  inscription  in  Africa,  and  by 
the  analogy  of  their  language,  which  is  also  the  same 
with  that  of  the  ancient  Scythians — The  Baron  is  de- 
clared sovereign  of  the  interior  of  Africa  on  the  decease 
of  the  Emperor — He  endeavors  to  abolish  the  custom  of 
eating  live  bulls,  which  excites  much  discontent — The 
advice  of  Hilaro  Frosticos  upon  the  occasion — The  Baron 
makes  a  speech  to  an  Assembly  of  the  States,  which  only 
excites  greater  murmurs — He  consults  with  Hilaro  Fros- 
ticos. 


AVING  passed  over  the  nearest  moun- 
tains, we  entered  a  delightful  vale, 
where  we  perceived  a  multitude  of 
persons  at  a  feast  of  living  bulls,  whose  flesh 
they    cut   away  with   great   knives,   making   a 

(208) 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN,  209 

table  of  the  creature's  carcase,  serenaded  by  the 
bellowing  of  the  unfortunate  animal.  Nothing 
seemed  requisite  to  add  to  the  barbarity  of  this 
foast  but  hava,  made  as  described  in  Cook's 
voyages,  and  at  the  conclusion  of  the  feast  we 
perceived  them  brewing  this  liquor,  which  they 
drank  with  the  utmost  avidity.  From  that 
moment,  inspired  with  an  idea  of  universal 
benevolence,  I  determined  to  abolish*  the  custom 
of  eating  live  flesh  and  drinking  of  kava.  But 
I  knew  that  such  a  thing  could  not  be  imme- 
diately effected,  whatever  in  future  time  might 
be  performed. 

Having  rested  ourselves  during  a  few  days, 
we  determined  to  set  out  towards  the  principal 
city  of  the  empire.  The  singularity  of  our  ap- 
pearance was  spoken  of  all  over  the  country  as 
a  phenomenon.  The  multitude  looked  upon 
Sphinx,  the  bulls,  the  crickets,  the  balloons  and 
the  whole  company,  as  something  more  than 
terrestrial,  but  especially  the  thunder  of  our 
flre-arms,  which  struck  horror  and  amazement 
into  the  whole  nation. 

We  at  length  arrived  at  the  metropolis,  situ- 
ated on  the  banks  of  a  noble  river,  and  the  em- 
14 


210  ORIGINAL   TRAVELS   OF 

peror,  attended  by  all  his  court,  came  out  in 
grand  procession  to  meet  us.  The  emperor  ap- 
peared mounted  on  a  dromedary,  royally  capar- 
isoned, with  all  his  attendants  on  foot,  through 
respect  for  his  Majesty.  He  was  rather  above 
the  middle  stature  of  that  country,  four  feet 
three  inches  in  height,  with  a  countenance,  like 
all  his  countrymen,  as  w^hite  as  snow  !  He  was 
preceded  by  a  band  of  most  exquisite  music, 
according  to  the  fashion  of  the  country,  and  his 
whole  retinue  halted  within  about  fifty  paces  of 
our  troop.  We  returned  the  salute  by  a  dis- 
charge of  musketry  and  a  flourish  of  our  trum- 
pets and  martial  music.  I  commanded  our  cara- 
van to  halt,  and  dismounting,  advanced  uncov- 
ered, with  only  two  attendants,  towards  his 
Majesty.  The  emperor  was  equally  polite,  and 
descending  from  his  dromedary,  advanced  to 
meet  me.  "  I  am  happy,"  said  he,  "  to  have  the 
honor  to  receive  so  illustrious  a  traveller,  and 
assure  you  that  everything  in  my  empire  shall 
be  at  your  disposal." 

I  thanked  his  Majesty  for  his  politeness,  and 
expressed  how  happy  I  was  to  meet  so  polished 
and  refined  a  people  in  the  centre  of  Africa  and 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN,  211 

that  I  hoped  to  show  myself  and  company  grate- 
ful lor  his  esteem,  by  introducing  the  arts  and 
sciences  of  Europe  among  the  people. 

I  immediately  perceived  the  true  descent  of 
tliis  people,  which  does  not  appear  of  terrestrial 
origin,  but  descended  from  some  of  the  inhabit- 
ants of  the  Moon,  because  the  principal  language 
spoken  there,  and  in  the  centre  of  Africa,  is  very 
nearly  the  same.  Their  alphabet  and  method 
of  writing  are  pretty  much  the  same,  and  show 
the  extreme  antiquity  of  this  people,  and  their 
exalted  origin.  I  here  give  you  a  specimen  of 
their  writing  [Vide  Otrchocsus  de  Orig.  Hung.  p. 
46]  :  Sregnah,  dna  skoohtop. 

These  characters  I  have  submitted  to  the  inspec- 
tion of  a  celebrated  antiquarian,  and  it  will  be 
proved  to  the  satisfaction  of  every  one  in  his 
next   volume,   vyhat  an   immediate   intercourse 


212  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS   OF 

there  must  have  been  between  the  inhabitants 
of  the  Moon  and  the  ancient  Scjthians,  which 
Scythians  did  not  by  any  means  inhabit  a  part 
of  Russia,  but  the  central  part  of  Africa,  as  I 
can  abundantly  prove  to  my  very  learned  and 
laborious  friend.  The  above  words,  written  in 
our  characters,  are  Sregnali  dna  skoolitop ;  that 
is,  The  Scythians  are  of  heavenly  origin.  The 
w^ord  Sregnah,  which  signifies  Scythians,  is  com- 
pounded of  sreg  or  sre,  whence  our  present  Eng- 
lish word  sire,  or  sir  :  and  7iah,  or  gnah,  knowl- 
edge, because  the  Scythians  united  the  essentials 
of  nobility  and  learning  together  :  d^ia  signifies 
heaven,  or  belonging  to  the  Moon,  from  duna, 
who  was  anciently  worshipped  as  goddess  of 
that  luminary.  And  shoolitop  signifies  the  origin 
or  beginning  of  anything,  from  shoo,  the  name 
used  in  the  Moon  for  a  point  in  geometry,  and 
top  or  litop,  vegetation.  These  words  are  in- 
scribed at  this  day  upon  a  pyramid  in  the  centre 
of  Africa,  nearly  at  the  source  of  the  river  Niger ; 
and  if  any  one  refuses  his  assent,  he  may  go 
there  to  be  convinced. 

The  emperor  conducted  me  to  his  court  amidst 
the  admiration  of  his  courtiers,  and  paid  us  every 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  213 

possible  politeness  that  African  magnificence 
could  bestow.  He  never  presumed  to  proceed  on 
any  expedition  without  consulting  us.  and  look- 
ing upon  us  as  a  species  of  superior  beings,  paid 
the  greatest  respect  to  our  opinions.  He  fre- 
quently asked  me  about  the  states  of  Europe,  and 
the  kingdom  of  Great  Britain,  and  appeared  lost 
in  admiration  at  the  account  I  gave  him  of  our 
shipping,  and  the  immensity  of  the  ocean.  We 
taught  him  to  regulate  the  government  nearly 
on  the  same  plan  with  the  British  constitution, 
and  to  institute  a  parliament  and  degrees  of  no- 
bility. His  majesty  was  the  last  of  his  royal  line, 
and  on  his  decease,  with  the  unanimous  consent 
of  the  people,  made  me  heir  to  the  whole  empire. 
The  nobility  and  chiefs  of  the  country  imme- 
diately waited  upon  me  with  petitions,  entreating 
me  to  accept  the  government.  I  consulted  with 
my  noble  friends,  Gog  and  Magog,  &c.,  and  after 
much  consultation  it  was  agreed  that  I  should 
accept  the  government,  not  as  actual  and  inde- 
pendent monarch  of  the  place,  but  as  viceroy  to 
his  Majesty  of  England. 

I  now  thought  it  high  time  to  do   away  the 
custom  of  eating  of  live  flesh  and  drinking  of 


214  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

kava,  and  for  that  purpose  used  every  persuasive 
method  to  wean  the  majority  of  the  people  from 
it.  This,  to  my  astonishment,  was  not  taken  in 
good  part  by  the  nation,  and  they  looked  with 
jealousy  at  those  strangers  who  wanted  to  make 
innovations  among  them. 

Nevertheless,  I  felt  much  concern  to  think 
that  my  fellow-creatures  could  be  capable  of  such 
barbarity.  I  did  everything  that  a  heart  fraught 
with  universal  benevolence  and  good-will  to  all 
mankind  could  be  capable  of  desiring.  I  first 
tried  every  method  of  persuasion  and  incitement. 
I  did  not  harshly  reprove  them,  but  I  invited 
frequently  whole  thousands  to  dine,  after  the 
fashion  of  Europe,  upon  roasted  meat.  Alas, 
'twas  all  in  vain  !  my  goodness  nearly  excited  a 
sedition.  They  murmured  among  themselves, 
spoke  of  my  intentions,  my  wild  and  ambitious 
views,  as  if  I,  0  heaven !  could  have  had  any 
personal  interested  motive  in  making  them  live 
like  men,  rather  than  like  crocodiles  and  tigers. 
In  fine,  perceiving  that  gentleness  could  be  of  no 
avail,  well  knowing  that  when  complaisance  can 
effect  nothing  from  some  spirits,  compulsion  ex- 
cites respect  and  veneration,  I  prohibited,  under 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  215 

the  pain  of  the  severest  penalties,  the  drinking 
of  kava,  or  eating  of  live  flesh,  for  the  space  of 
nine  days,  within  the  districts  of  Angalinar  and 
Paphagalna. 

But  this  created  such  an  universal  abhorrence 
and  detestation  of  my  government,  that  my  min- 
isters, and  even  myself,  were  universally  pasqui- 
nadoed;  lampoons,  satires,  ridicule,  and  insult, 
were  showered  upon  the  name  of  Munchausen 
wherever  it  was  mentioned ;  and,  in  fine,  there 
never  was  a  government  so  much  detested,  or  with 
such  little  reason. 

In  this  dilemma  I  had  recourse  to  the  advice 
of  my  noble  friend  Hilaro  Frosticos.  In  his  good 
sense  I  now  expected  some  resource,  for  the  rest 
of  the  council,  who  had  advised  me  to  the  former 
method,  had  given  but  a  poor  specimen  of  their 
abilities  and  discernment,  or  I  should  have  suc- 
ceeded more  happily.  In  short,  he  addressed 
himself  to  me  and  to  the  council  as  follows : — 

"  It  is  in  vain,  most  noble  Munchausen,  that 
your  Excellency  endeavors  to  compel  or  force 
these  people  to  a  life  to  which  they  have  never 
been  accustomed.  In  vain  do  you  tell  them  that 
apple-pies,  pudding,  roast  beef,  minced  pies,  or 


216  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

tarts,  are  delicious,  that  sugar  is  sweet,  that  wine 
is  exquisite.  Alas!  they  cannot,  they  will  not 
comprehend  what  deliciousness  is,  what  sweetness, 
or  what  the  flavor  of  the  grape.  And  even  if 
they  were  convinced  of  the  superior  excellence 
of  your  way  of  life,  never,  never  would  they  be 
persuaded;  and  that  if  for  no  other  reason,  but 
because  force  or  persuasion  is  employed  to  induce 
them  to  it.  Abandon  that  idea  for  the  present, 
and  let  us  try  another  method.  My  opinion, 
therefore,  is  that  we  should  at  once  cease  all  en- 
deavors to  compel  or  persuade  them.  But  let  us, 
if  possible,  procure  a  quantity  of  fudge  from 
England,  and  carelessly  scatter  it  over  all  the 
country ;  and  from  this  disposal  of  matters  I  pre- 
sume— na}^  I  have  a  moral  certainty,  that  we 
shall  reclaim  this  people  from  horror  and  bar- 
barity." 

Had  this  been  proposed  at  any  other  time,  it 
would  have  been  violently  opposed  in  the  coun- 
cil ;  but  now,  when  every  other  attempt  had 
fiiiled,  when  there  seemed  no  other  resource,  the 
majority  willingly  submitted  to  they  knew  not 
what,  for  they  absolutely  had  no  idea  of  the 
manner,  the  possibility  of  success,  or  how  they 


BAKOM   MUNCHAUSEN.  217 

could  bring  matters  to  bear.  However,  'twas  a 
scheme,  and  as  such  they  submitted.  For  my 
part,  I  listened  with  ecstasy  to  the  words  of 
llilaro  Frosticos,  for  I  knew  that  he  had  a  most 
singular  knowledge  of  human  kind,  and  could 
humor  and  persuade  them  on  to  their  own 
happiness  and  universal  good.  Therefore,  ac- 
cording to  the  advice  of  Hilaro,  I  despatched  a 
balloon  w^ith  four  men  over  the  desert  to  the 
Cape  of  Good  Hope,  with  letters  to  be  for- 
warded to  England,  requiring,  without  delay,  a 
few  cargoes  of  fudge. 

The  people  had  all  this  time  remained  in  a 
general  state  of  ferment  and  murmur.  Every- 
thing that  rancor,  low  wit,  and  deplorable  ignor- 
ance could  conceive  to  asperse  my  government, 
was  put  in  execution.  The  most  worthy,  even 
the  most  beneficent  actions,  everything  that  was 
amiable,  were  perverted  into  opposition. 

The  heart  of  Munchausen  was  not  made  of 
such  impenetrable  stuff  as  to  be  insensible  to 
the  hatred  of  even  the  most  worthless  wretch  in 
the  whole  kingdom;  and  once,  at  a  general 
assembly  of  the  states,  filled  with  an  idea  of  such 
continued   ingratitude,  I    spoke  as   pathetic   as 


218  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

possible,  not,  methought,  beneath  my  dignity,  to 
make  them  feel  for  me  :  that  the  universal  good 
and  happiness  of  the  people  were  all  I  wished 
or  desired  :  that  if  my  actions  had .  been  mis- 
taken, or  improper  surmises  formed,  still  I  had 
no  wish,  no  desire,  but  the  public  welfare,  &Co, 
&c.,  &c. 

Hilaro  Frosticos  was  all  this  time  much 
disturbed ;  be  looked  sternly  at  me — he  frowned, 
but  I  was  so  engrossed  with  the  warmth  of  my 
heart,  my  intentions,  that  I  understood  him  not : 
in  a  minute  I  saw  nothing  but  as  if  through  a 
cloud  (such  is  the  force  of  amiable  sensibility)- — 
lords,  ladies,  chiefs — the  whole  assembly  seemed 
to  swim  before  my  sight.  The  more  I  thought 
on  my  good  intentions,  the  lampoons  which  so 
much  affected  my  delicacy,  good  nature,  tender- 
ness— I  forgot  myself — I  spoke  rapid,  violent — 
beneficence — fire — tenderness — alas  !  I  melted 
into  tears  1 

"  Pish  !  pish  !"  said  Hilaro  Frosticos  ! 

Now%  indeed,  was  my  government  lampooned, 
satirized,  carribonadoed,  bepickled,  and  bedev- 
illed. One  day,  with  my  arm  full  of  lampoons, 
I  started  up  as  Hilaro  entered  the  room,  the  tears 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  219 

in  my  eyes  :  "  Look,  look  here,  Hilaro  ! — how  can 
I  bear  all  this  ?  It  is  impossible  to  please  them ; 
I  will  leave  the  government — I  cannot  bear  it ! 
See  what  pitiful  anecdotes — what  surmises :  I 
will  make  my  people  feel  for  me — I  will  leave 
the  government !" 

"  Pshaw  !"  says  Hilaro.  At  that  simple  mono- 
syllable I  found  myself  changed  as  if  by  magic ! 
for  I  ever  looked  on  Hilaro  as  a  person  so  ex- 
perienced— such  fortitude,  such  good  sense. 
"  There  are  three  sail,  under  the  convoy  of  a 
frigate,"  added  Hilaro,  "just  arrived  at  the  Cape, 
after  a  fortunate  passage,  laden  with  the  fudge 
that  we  demanded.  No  time  is  to  be  lost  ;  let 
it  be  immediately  conducted  hither,  and  distri- 
buted through  the  principal  granaries  of  the 
empire." 


CHAPTEK  XXVII. 

A  proclamation  by  the  Baron — Excessive  curiosity  of  the 
people  to  know  what  fudge  was — The  people  in  a  general 
ferment  about  it — They  break  open  all  the  granaries  in 
the  empire — The  affections  of  the  people  conciliated — An 
ode  performed  in  honor  of  the  Baron — His  discourse 
with  Fragrantia  on  the  excellence  of  the  music. 

OME  time  after  I  ordered  the  following 
proclamation  to  be   published   in    the 
Court   Gazette,    and  in  all  the  other 
papers  of  the  empire : — 

BY    THE    MOST     MIGHTY    AND    PUISSANT    LORD, 
HIS     EXCELLENCY     THE 

LOKD   BARON   MUNCHAUSEN. 
WHEREAS    a    quantity   of  fudge   has  been 
distributed  through  all  the  granaries  of  the  em- 
pire for  particular  uses ;  and  as  the  natives  have 
ever    expressed   their   aversion    to    all    manner 

(220) 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  221 

of  European  eatables,  it  is  hereby  strictly  for- 
bidden, under  pain  of  the  severest  penalties, 
for  any  of  the  officers  charged  with  the  keeping 
of  the  said  fudge,  to  give,  sell,  or  suffer  to  be 
sold,  any  part  or  quantity  whatever  of  the  said 
material,   until    it   be   agreeable   unto    our  good 

will  and  pleasure. 

Munchausen. 

Dated  in  our  Castle  of  Gristariska 

this  Triskill    of   the  month  of 

Griskish,  in  the  year  Moulikas- 

ranavas-kashna-vildash. 

This  proclamation  excited  the  most  ardent 
curiosity  all  over  the  •  empire.  "  Do  you  know 
what  this  fudge  is  ?"  said  Lady  Mooshilgarousti 
to  Lord  Darnarlaganl.  "Fudge!"  said  he, 
"  Fudge !  no  :  what  fudge  ?"  "I  mean,"  replied 
her  Ladyship,  "  the  enormous  quantity  of  fudge 
that  has  been  distributed  under  guards  in  all 
the  strong  places  in  the  empire,  and  which  is 
strictly  forbidden  to  be  sold  or  given  to  any 
of  the  natives  under  the  severest  penalties." 
"  Lord !"  replied  he,  "  what  in  the  name  of 
wonder  can  it  be?  Forbidden!  why  it  must, 
but  pray  do  you.  Lady  Fashashash,  do  you  know 


222  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

what, this  fudge  is?  Do  you,  Lord  Trastillauex ? 
or  you,  Miss  Gristilarkask  ?  What !  nobody 
know  what  this  fudge  can  be  ?" 

It  engrossed  for  several  days  the  chit-chat  of 
the  whole  empire.  Fudge,  fudge,  fudge,  re- 
sounded in  all  companies  and  in  all  places,  from 
the  rising  until  the  setting  of  the  sun ;  and  even 
at  night,  when  gentle  sleep  refreshed  the  rest  of 
mortals,  the  ladies  of  all  that  country  were 
dreaming  of  fudge  ! 

"  Upon  my  honor,"  said  Kitty,  as  she  was  ad- 
justing her  modesty  piece  before  the  glass,  just 
after  getting  out  of  bed,  "  there  is  scarce  anything 
I  would  not  give  to  know  what  this  fudge  can 
be."  ^^  La!  my  dear,"  replied  Miss  Killnariska, 
"1  have  been  dreaming  the  whole  night  of  noth- 
ing but  fudge ;  I  thought  my  lover  kissed  my 
hand,  and  pressed  it  to  his  bosom,  while  I,  frown- 
ing, endeavored  to  wrest  it  from  him  :  that  he 
kneeled  at  my  feet.  No,  never,  never  will  I  look 
at  you,  cried  I,  till  you  tell  me  what  this  fudge 
can  be,  or  get  me  some  of  it.  Begone  !  cried  I, 
with  all  the  dignity  of  offended  beauty,  majesty, 
and  a  tragic  queen.  Begone  !  never  see  me  more, 
or  bring  me  this  delicious  fudge.     He  swore,  on 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN,  223 

the  honor  of  a  knight,  that  he  would  wander  o'er 
the  world;,  encounter  every  danger,  perish  in  the 
attempt,  or  satisfy  the  angel  of  his  soul." 

The  chiefs  and  nobility  of  the  nation,  when 
they  met  together  to  drink  their  kava,  spoke  of 
nothing  but  fudge.  Men,  women,  and  children, 
all,  all  talked  of  nothing  but  fudge.  'Twas  a  fury 
of  curiosity,  one  general  ferment,  an  universal 
fever — nothing  but  fudge  could  allay  it. 

But  in  one  respect  they  all  agreed,  that  gov- 
ernment must  have  had  some  interested  view  in 
giving  such  positive  orders  to  preserve  it,  and 
keep  it  from  the  natives  of  the  country.  Petitions 
were  addressed  to  me  from  all  quarters,  from 
every  corporation  and  body  of  men  in  the  whole 
empire.  The  majority  of  the  people  instructed 
their  constituents,  and  the  parliament  presented 
a  petition,  praying  that  I  would  be  pleased  to 
take  the  state  of  the  nation  under  consideration, 
and  give  orders  to  satisfy  the  people,  or  the  most 
dreadful  consequences  were  to  be  apprehended. 
To  these  requests,  at  the  entreaty  of  my  council, 
I  made  no  reply,  or  at  best  but  unsatisfactory 
answers.  Curiosity  was  on  the  rack ;  they  for- 
got to  lampoon  the  government,  so  engaged  were 


224  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

they  about  the  fudge.  The  great  assembly  of 
the  states  could  thmk  of  nothing  else.  Instead 
of  enacting  laws  for  the  regulation  of  the  people, 
instead  of  consulting  what  should  seem  most  wise, 
most  excellent,  they  could  think,  talk,  and,  ha- 
rangue of  nothing  but  fudge.  In  vain  did  the 
Speaker  call  to  order;  the  more  checks  they  got 
the  more  extravagant  and  inquisitive  they  were. 

In  short,  the  populace  in  many  places  rose  in 
the  most  outrageous  and  tumultuous  manner, 
forced  open  the  granaries  in  all  places  in  one 
day,  and  triumphantly  distributed  the  fudge 
through  the  whole  empire. 

Whether  on  account  of  the  longing,  the  great 
curiosity,  imagination  or  the  disposition  of  the 
people,  I  cannot  say,  but  they  found  it  infinitely 
to  their  taste ;  'twas  an  intoxication  of  joy,  sat- 
isfaction and  applause. 

Finding  how  much  they  liked  this  fudge,  I 
procured  another  quantity  from  England,  much, 
greater  than  the  former,  and  cautiously  bestowed 
it  over  all  the  kingdom.  Thus  were  the  affec- 
tions of  the  people  regained ;  and  they,  from 
hence,  began  to  venerate,  applaud,  and  admire 
my  government  more  than  ever.     The  following 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  225 

ode  was  performed  at  the  castle,  in  the  most  su- 
perb style,  and  universally  admired : — 

ODE. 

Ye  bulls  and  crickets,  and  Gog,  Magog, 
And  trump'ts  high  chiming  anthrophog, 
Come  sing  blithe  choral  all  in  offj 
Caralog,  basilog,  fog,  and  bog ! 

Great  and  supero  appears  thy  cap  sublime, 
Admired  and  worshipp'd  as  the  rising  sun ; 

Solemn,  majestic,  wise,  like  hoary  Time, 
And  fam'd  alike  for  virtue,  sense,  and  fun. 

Then  swell  the  noble  strain  with  song, 

And  elegance  divine, 
While  goddesses  around  shall  throng, 

And  all  the  muses  nine. 

And  bulls,  and  crickets,  and  Gog,  Magog, 
And  trumpets  chiming  anthrophog. 
Shall  sing  blithe  choral  all  in  og, 
Caralog,  basilog,  fog,  and  bog. 

This  piece  of  poetry  was  much  applauded, 
admired,  and  encored  in  every  public  assembly, 
celebrated  as  an  astonishing  effort  of  genius ;  and 
the  music,  composed  by  Minheer  Gastrashbark 
Gkrghhbarwskhk,  was  thought  equal  to  the 
sense  ! — Never  was  there  anything  so  universally 
15 


226 


ORIGINAL    TRAVELS   OF 


admired,  the  summit  of  the  most  exquisite  wit, 
the  i^eenest  praise,  the  most  excellent  music 


"  Upon  my  honor,  and  the  faith  I  owe  my 
love,"  said  I,  "music'  may  be  talked  of  in 
England,  but  to  possess  the  very  soul  of  har- 
mony the  world  should  come  to  the  performance 
of  this  ode."  Lady  Fragrantia  was  at  that 
moment  drumming  with  her  fingers  on  the  edge 
of  her  fan,  lost  in  a  reverie,  thinking  she  was 
playing  upon .     Was  it  a  forte  piano  ? 

"  No,  my  dear  Fragrantia,"  said  I,  tenderly 
taking  her  in  my  arms*  while  she  melted  into 
tears ;  "  never,  never,  will  I  play  upon  any 
other— !" 

Oh !  'twas  divine,  to  see  her  like  a  summer's 
morning,  all  blushing  and  full  of  dew ! 


CHAPTEE  XXVIII. 

The  Baron  sets  all  the  people  of  the  empire  to  work  to  build 
a  bridge  from  their  country  to  Great  Britain — His  con- 
trivance to  render  the  arch  secure — Orders  an  inscription 
to  be  engraved  on  the  bridge — Returns  with  all  his  com- 
pany, chariot,  &c.,  to  England — Surveys  the, kingdoms 
and  nations  under  him  from  the  middle  of  the  bridge. 


ND  now,  most  noble  Baron,"  said  the 
illustrious  Hilaro  Frosticos,  "now  is 
the  time  to  make  this  people  proceed 
m  any  business  that  we  find  convenient.  Take 
them  at  this  present  ferment  of  the  mind,  let 
them  not  think,  but  at  once  set  them  to  work." 
In  short,  the  whole  nation  went  heartily  to  the 
business,  to  build  an  edifice  such  as  was  never 
?een  in  any  other  country.  I  took  care  to  supply 
them  with    their  fiworite  kava  and  fudge,  and 

(227) 


228  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

they  worked  like  horses.  The  tower  of  Babylon, 
which,  according  to  Hermogastricus,  was  seven 
miles  high,  or  the  Chinese  wall,  was  a  mere  trifle, 
in  comparison  to  this  stupendous  edifice,  which 
was  completed  in  a  very  short  space  of  time. 

It  was  of  an  immense  height,  far  beyond  any- 
thing that  ever  had  been  before  erected,  and  of 
such  gentle  ascent,  that  a  regiment  of  cavalry 
with  a  train  of  cannon  could  ascend  with  perfect 
ease  and  facility.  It  seemed  like  a  rainbow  in 
the  heavens,  the  base  of  which  appeared  to  rise 
in  the  centre  of  Africa,  and  the  other  extremity 
seemed  to  stoop  into  Great  Britain.  A  most 
noble  bridge  indeed,  and  a  piece  of  masonry  that 
has  outdone  Sir  Christopher  Wren.  Wonderful 
must  it  have  been  to  form  so  tremendous  an  arch, 
especially  as  the  artists  had  certain  difficulties  to 
labor  against  which  they  could  not  have  in  the 
formation  of  any  other  arch  in'  the  world — I 
mean,  the  attraction  of  the  Moon  and  planets : 
Because  the  arch  was  of  so  great  a  height,  and 
in  some  parts  so  elongated  from  the  earth,  as  in 
a  great  measure  to  diminish  in  its  gravitation  to 
the  centre  of  our  globe ;  or  rather,  seemed  more 
easily  operated  upon    by  the  attraction  of  the 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  229 

planets;  so  that  the  stones  of  the  arch,  one 
would  think  at  certain  times,  were  ready  to  fall 
up  to  the  Moon  and  at  other  times  to  fall  down 
to  the  Earth.  But  as  the  former  was  more  to  he 
dreaded,  I  secured  stahility  to  the  fabric  by 
a  very  curious  contrivance  ;  I  ordered  the  archi- 
tects to  get  the  heads  of  some  hundred  numb- 
skulls and  blockheads  and  fix  them  to  the  inte- 
rior surface  of  the  arch  at  certain  intervals,  all 
the  whole  length,  by  which  means  the  arch  was 
held  together  firm,  and  its  inclination  to  the 
earth  eternally  established;  because  of  all  the 
things  in  the  world,  the  skulls  of  these  kind  of 
animals  have  a  strange  facility  of  tending  to  the 
centre  of  the  earth. 

The  building  being  completed,  I  caused  an 
inscription  to  be  engraved  in  the  most  magni- 
ficent style  upon  the  summit  of  the  arch,  in 
letters  so  great  and  luminous  that  all  vessels 
sailing  to  the  East  or  West  Indies  might  read 
them  distinct  in  the  heavens,  like  the  motto  of 
Constantine : — 

KARDOL  BAGABLAN  KAI  TON  FARINGO  SARGAL  RA 
MO  PASHROL  VATINEAC  CAL  COLNITOS  RO  NA  FILNAT 
AGASTRA  SA  DINGANNAL  FANG. 


230  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

That  is  to  say,  "  As  long  as  this  arch  and 
bond  of  union  shall  exist,  so  long  shall  the 
people  be  happy.  Nor  can  all  the  power  of  the 
world  affect  them,  unless  the  Moon,  advancing 
from  her  usual  sphere,  should  so  much  attract 
the  skulls  as  to  cause  a  sudden  elevation,  on 
which  the  whole  will  fall  into  the  most  horrible 
confusion." 

An  easy  intercourse  being  thus  established 
between  Great  Britain  and  the  centre  of  Africa, 
numbers  travelled  continually  to  and  from  both 
countries,  and  at  my  request  mail  coaches  were 
ordered  to  run  on  the  bridge  between  both  em- 
pires. After  some  time,  having  settled  the 
government  perfectly  to  my  satisfaction,  I  re- 
quested permission  to  resign,  as  a  great  cabal 
had  been  excited  against  me  in  England;  I, 
therefore,  received  my  letters  of  recall,  and  pre- 
pared to  return  to  Old  England. 

In  fine,  I  set  out.  upon  my  journey,  covered 
with  applause  and  general  admiration.  I  pro- 
ceeded with  the  same  retinue  that  I  had  before — 
Sphinx,  Gog  and  Magog,  &c.,  and  advanced  along 
the  bridge,  lined  on  each  side  with  rows  of  trees, 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN,  231 

adorned  with  festoons  of  various  flowers,  and 
illuminated  with  colored  lights.  We  advanced  at 
a  great  rate  along  the  bridge,  which  was  so  very 
extensive  that  we  could  scarcely  perceive  the 
ascent,  but  proceeded  insensibly  until  we  arrived 
on  the  centre  of  the  arch.  The  view  from  thence 
was  glorious  beyond  conception ;  'twas  divine  to 
look  down  on  the  kingdoms  and  seas  and  islands 
under  us.  Africa  seemed  in  general  of  a  tawny 
brownish  color,  burned  up  by  the  sun :  Spain 
seemed  more  inclining  to  a  yellow,  on  account  of 
some  fields  of  corn  scattered  over  the  kingdom  : 
France  appeared  more  inclining  to  a  bright  straw- 
color,  intermixed  with  green ;  and  England  ap- 
peared covered  with  the  most  beautiful  verdure. 
I  admired  the  appearance  of  the  Baltic  Sea, 
which  evidently  seemed  to  have  been  introduced 
between  those  countries  by  the  sudden  splitting 
of  the  land,  and  that  originally  Sweden  was 
united  to  the  western  coast  of  Denmark;  in 
short,  the  whole  interstice  of  the  Gulf  of  Finland 
had  no  being,  until  these  countries,  by  mutual 
consent,  separated  from  one  another.  Such  were 
my   philosophical    meditations   as   I   advanced. 


232  BARON  MUNCHA  US  UN. 

when  I  observed  a  man  in  armor,  with  a  tremen- 
dous spear  or  lance,  and  mounted  upon  a  steed, 
advancing  against  me.  I  soon  discovered  by  a 
telescope  that  it  could  be  no  other  than  Don 
Quixote,  and  promised  myself  much  amusement 
in  the  rencounter. 


CPIAPTER  XXIX. 

The  Baron's,  retinue  is  opposed  in  a  heroic  style  by  Don 
Quixote,  who  in  his  turn  is  attacked  by  Gog  and  Ma- 
gog— Lord  Whittington,  with  the  Lord  Mayor's  show, 
comes  to  the  assistance  of  Don  Quixote — Gog  and  Magog 
assail  his  Lordship — Lord  Whittington  makes  a  speech, 
and  deludes  Gog  and  Magog  to  his  party — A  general 
scene  of  uproar  and  battle  among  the  company,  until 
the  Baron,  with  great  presence  of  mind,  appeases  the 
tumult. 


HAT  art  thou?"  exclaimed  Don  Quix- 
ote, on  his  potent  steed.  ''Who  art 
thou  ?  Speak  !  or,  by  the  eternal 
vengeance  of  mine  arm,  thy  whole  machinery 
shall  perish  at  sound  of  this  my  trumpet !" 

Astonished  at  so  rude  a  salutation,  the  great 
Sphinx  stopped  short,  and  bridling  up  herself, 

(233) 


234  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS   OF 

« 

drew  in  her  head,  like  a  snail  when  it  touches 
something  that  it  does  not  like  :  the  bulls  set  up 
a  horrid  bellowing,  the  crickets  sounded  an  alarm, 
and  Gog  and  Magog  advanced  before  the  rest. 
One  of  these  powerful  brothers  had  in  his  hand 
a  great  pole,  to  the  extremity  of  which  was  fast- 
ened a  cord  of  about  two  feet  in  length,  and  to 
the  end  of  the  cord  was  fastened  a  ball  of  iron, 
with  spikes  shooling  from  it  like  the  rays  of  a 
star ;  with  this  weapon  he  prepared  to  encounter, 
and  advancing  thus  he  spoke  : — 

^* Audacious  wight!  that  thus,  in  complete 
steel  arrayed,  doth  dare  to  venture  cross  my  way, 
to  stop  the  great  Munchausen !  Know  then, 
proud  knight,  that  thou  shalt  instant  perish 
'neath  my  potent  arm." 

When  Quixote,  Mancha's  knight,  responded 
firm : — 

"  Gigantic  monster !  leader  of  witches,  crickets, 
and  chimeras  dire  !  know  thou  that  here  before 
yon  azure  heaven  the  cause  of  truth,  of  valor, 
^and  of  faith  right  pure  shall  ordeal  counter  try 
it !" 

Thus  he  spoke,  and  brandishing  his  mighty 
spear,    would    instant    prodigies    sublime    per- 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  235 

formed,  had  not  some  wight  placed  'neath  the 
tail  of  dark  Rosinante  furze  all  thorny  base :  at 
which,  quadrupedanting,  plunged  the  steed,  and 
instant  on  the  earth,  the  knight  roared  credo  for 
his  life. 

At  that  same  moment  ten  thousand  frogs 
started  from  the  morions  of  Gog  and  Magog, 
and  furiously  assailed  the  knight  on  every  side. 
In  vain  he  roared,  and  invoked  fair  Dulcinea  del 
Toboso :  for  frogs'  wild  croaking  seemed  more 
loud,  more  sonorous  than  all  his  invocations. 
And  thus  in  battle  vile  the  knight  was  over- 
ocme,  and  spawn  all  swarmed  upon  his  glittering 
helmet. 

^'Detested  miscreants!"  roared  the  knight; 
"  avaunt !  Enchanters  dire  and  goblins  could 
alone  this  arduous  task  perform-;  to  rout  the 
knight  of  Mancha,  foul  defeat,  and  war,  even 
such  as  ne'er  was  known  before.  Then  hear,  0 
del  Toboso !  hear  my  vows,  that  thus  in  anguish 
of  my  soul  I  urge,  'midst  frogs,  Gridalbin,  He- 
caton,  Kai,  Talon,  and  the  Rove  !  [for  such  the 
names  and  definitions  of  their  qualities,  their 
separate  powers.]  For  Merlin  plumed  their 
airy  flight,  and  then  in  watery  moon-beam  dyed 


236  ORIGINAL   TRAVELS    OF 

his  rod  eccentric.  At  the  touch  ten  thousand 
frogs,  strange  metamorphosed,  croaked  even 
thus :  And  here  they  come,  on  high  behest,  to 
vihfy  the  knight  that  erst  defended  famed 
virginity,  and  matrons  all  bewronged,  and  pil- 
grims hoar,  and  courteous  guise  of  all !  But  the 
age  of  chivalry  is  gone,  and  the  glory  of  Europe 
is  extinguished  for  ever !" 

He  spake,  and  sudden  good  Lord  Whitting- 
ton,  at  head  of  all  his  raree-show,  came  forth, 
armor  antique  of  chivalry,  and  helmets  old, 
and  troops,  all  streamers,  flags  and  banners 
gUttering  gay,  red,  gold,  and  purple ;  and  in 
every  hand  a  square  of  gingerbread,  all  gilded 
nice,  was  brandished  awful.  At  a  word,  ten 
thousand  thousand  Naples  biscuits,  crackers, 
buns,  and  flannel-cakes,  and  hats  of  gingerbread 
encountered  in  mid  air  in  glorious  exultation, 
like  some  huge  storm  of  mill-stones,  or  when  it 
rains  whole  clouds  of  dogs  and  cats. 

The  frogs,  astonished,  thunderstruck,  forgot 
their  notes  and  music,  that  before  had  seemed 
so  terrible,  and  drowned  the  cries  of  knight 
renown,  and  mute  in  wonder  heard  the  words 
of  Whittington,    pronouncing    solemn :     '*  Gob- 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  237 

lins,  chimeras  dire,  or  frogs,  or  whatsoe'er  en- 
chantment thus  presents  in  antique  shape, 
attend  and  hear  the  words  of  peace ;  and  thou, 
good  herald,  read  aloud  the  Riot  Act !" 

He  ceased,  and  dismal  was  the  tone  that 
softly  breathed  from  all  the  frogs  in  chorus,  who 
quick  had  petrified  with  fright,  unless  redoubted 
Gog  and  Magog,  both  with  poles,  high  topped 
with  airy  bladders  by  a  string  dependent,  had 
not  stormed  against  his  lordship.  Ever  and 
anon  the  bladders,  loud  resounding  on  his  chaps, 
proclaimed  their  fury  against  all  potent  law, 
coercive  mayoralty ;  when  he,  submissive,  thus 
in  cunning  guile  addressed  the  knights  assail- 
ant :  ''  Gog,  Magog,  renowned  and  famous ! 
what,  my  sons,  shall  you  assail  your  father, 
friend,  and  chief  confessed?*  Shall  you,  thus 
armed  with  bladders  vile,  attack  my  title,  emi- 
nence, and  pomp  sublim^e  ?  Subside,  vile  dis- 
cord, and  again  return  to  your  true  'legiance. 
Think,  my  friends,  how  oft  your  gorgeous  pouch 
I've  crammed,  all  calapash,  green  fat  and  cal- 
apee.  Remember  how  you've  feasted,  stood 
inert  for  ages,  until  size  immense  you've  gained. 
And  think,  how  different  is  the  service  of  Mun- 


238  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS   OF 

chausen,  where  you  o'er  seas,  cold,  briny,  float 
along  the  tide,  eternal  toiling  like  to  slaves 
Algiers  and  Tripoli.  And  ev'n  on  high,  balloon 
like,  through  the  heavens  have  journeyed  late, 
upon  a  rainbow,  or  some  awful  bridge  stretched 
eminent,  as  if  on  earth  he  had  not  work  suf- 
ficient to  distress  your  potent  servitudes,  but 
he  should  also  seek  in  heaven  dire  cause  of 
labor !  Recollect,  my  friends,  even  why  or 
wherefore  should  you  thus  assail  your  lawful 
magistrate,  or  why  desert  his  livery  ?  or  for 
what  or  wherefore  serve  this  German  Lord  Mun- 
chausen, who  for  all  your  labor  shall  alone 
bestow  some  fudge  and  heroic  blows  in  war  ? 
Then  cease,  and  thus  in  amity  return  to  friend- 
ship aldermanic,  bungy,  brown,  and  sober." 

Ceased  he  then',  right  worshipful,  when  both 
the  warring  champions  instant  stemmed  their 
battle,  and  in  sign  of  peace  and  unity  returning, 
'neath  their  feet  reclined  their  weapons.  Sud- 
den at  a  signal  either  stamped  his  foot  sinistrine, 
and  the  loud  report  of  bursten  bladder  stunned 
each  ear  surrounding,  like  the  roar  of  thunder 
from  on  high  convulsing  heaven  and  earth. 

'Twas  now  upon  the  saddle  once    again   the 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  239 

knight  of  Mancha  rose,  and  in  his  hand  far  bal- 
ancing his  lance,  full  tilt  against  the  troops  of 
bulls  opposing  ran.  And  thou,  shrill  Crillitril- 
kril,  than  whom  no  cricket  e'er  on  hob  of  rural 
cottage,  or  chimney  black,  more  gladsome  tuned 
his  merry  note,  e'en  thou  didst  perish,  shrieking 
gave  the  ghost  in  empty  air,  the  sport  of  every 
wind ;  for  e'en  that  heart  so  jocund  and  so  gay 
was  pierced,  harsh  spitted  by  the  lance  of  Man- 
cha, while  undaunted  thou  didst  sit  between  the 
horns  that  crowned  Mowmowsky.  And  now 
Whittington  advanced,  'midst  armor  antique  and 
the  powers  Magog  and  Gog,  and  with  his  rod  en- 
chanting touched  the  head  of  every  frog,  long 
mute,  and  thunderstruck,  at  which,  in  universal 
chorus  and  salute,  they  sung  blithe  jocund,  and 
amain  advanced  rebellious  'gainst  my  troop. 

While  Sphinx,  though  great,  gigantic,  seemed 
instinctive  base  and  cowardly,  and  at  the  sight 
of  storming  gingerbread,  and  powers,  Magog  and 
Gog,  and  Quixote,  all  against  her,  started  fierce, 
o'erturning  boat,  balloons,  and  all ;  loud  roared 
the  bulls,  hideous,  and  the  crash  of  wheels,  and 
chaos  of  confusion  drear,  resounded  far  from 
earth  to*heaven.     And  still  more  fierce  in  charge 


240  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF  . 

the  great  Lord  Whittington,  from  poke  of  ermine 
his  famed  Grimalkin  took.  She  screamed,  and 
harsh  attacked  my  bulls  confounded ;  lightning- 
like she  darted,  and  from  half  the  troop  their 
eyes  devouring  tore.  Nor  could  the  riders,  crick- 
ets throned  sublime,  escape  from .  rage,  from  fury 
less  averse  than  cannons  murder  o'er  the  stormy 
sea.  The  great  Mowmowsky  roared  amain  and 
plunged  in  anguish,  shunning  every  dart  of  fire- 
eyed  fierce  Grimalkin.  Dire  the  rage  of  warfare 
and  contending  crickets,  Quixote  and  great  Ma- 
gog ;  when  Whittington  advancing — "  Good,  my 
friends  and  warriors,  headlong  on  the  foe  bear 
down  impetuous."  He  spoke,  and  waving  high 
the  mighty  rod,  tipped  wonderful  each  bull,  at 
which  more  fierce  the  creatures  bellowed,  while 
enchantment  drear  devoured  their  vitals.  And 
all  had  gone  to  wreck  in  more  than  mortal  strife, 
unless,  like  Neptune  orient  from  the  stormy  deep, 
I  rose,  e'en  towering  o'er  the  ruins  of  my  fight- 
ing troops.  Serene  and  calm  I  stood,  and  gazed 
around  undaunted  ;  nor  did  aught  oppose  against 
my  foes  impetuous.  But  sudden  from  chariot 
purses  plentiful  of  fudge  poured  forth,  and  scat- 
tered it  amain  o'er  all  the  crowed  contending.     As 


i 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN, 


241 


when  old  Catherine  or  the  careful  Joan  doth 
scatter  to  the  chickens  bits  of  bread  and  crumbs 
fragmented,  while  rejoiced  they  gobble  fast  the 
proffered  scraps  in  general  plenty  and  fraternal 
peace,  and  "  hush,"  she  cries,  "  hush  !  hush  !" 


16 


CHAPTER   XXX. 

The  Baron  arrives  in  England — The  Colossus  of  Ehodes 
comes  to  congratulate  him — Great  rejoicings  on  the  Bar- 
on's return,  and  a  tremendous  concert — The  Baron's  dis- 
course with  Fragrantia,  and  her  opinion  of  the  Tour  to 
the  Hebrides. 

jAYING  arrived  in  England  once  more 
the  greatest  rejoicings  were  made  for 
my  return ;  the  whole  city  seemed  one 
general  blaze  of  illumination,  and  the  Colossus 
of  Rhodes,  hearing  of  my  astonishing  feats,  came 
on  purpose  to  England  to  congratulate  me  on 
such  unparalleled  achievements.  But  above  all 
other  rejoicings  on  my  return,  the  musical  orato- 
rio and  song  of  triumph  were  magnificent  in  the 
extreme.  Gog  and  Magog  wxre  ordered  to  take 
the  maiden  tower  of  Windsor,  and  make  a  tam- 

(242) 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  243 

bourine  or  great  drum  of  it.  For  this  purpose 
they  extended  an  elephant's  hide,  tanned  and 
prepared  for  the  design,  across  the  summit  of  the 
tower,  from  parapet  to  parapet,  so  that  in  pro- 
portion this  extended  elephant's  hide  was  to  the 
whole  of  the  castle  what  the  parchment  is  to  a 
drum,  in  such  a  manner  that  the  whole  became 
one  great  instrument  of  war. 

To  correspond  with  this,  Colossus  took  Guild- 
hall and  Westminster  Abbey,  and  turning  the 
foundations  towards  the  heavens,  so  that  the  roofs 
of  the  edifices  were  upon  the  ground,  he  strung 
them  across  with  brass  and  steel  wire  from  side 
to  side,  and  thus,  when  strung,  they  had  the  ap- 
pearance of  most  noble  dulcimers.  He  then  took 
the  great  dome  of  St.  Paul's,  raising  it  off  the 
earth  with  as  much  facility  as  you  would  a  de- 
canter of  claret.  And  when  once  risen  up  it  had 
the  appearance  of  a  quart  bottle.  Colossus  in- 
stantly, with  his  teeth,  cracked  off  the  superior 
part  of  the  cupola,  and  then  applying  his  lips  to 
the  instrument,  began  to  sound  it  like  a  trumpet. 
'Twas  martial,  beyond  description — tantara  ! — 
tar  a — ta  ! 

During  the  concert  I  walked  in  the  park  with 


244  ORIGINAL   TRAVELS   OF 

Lady  Fragrantia :  she  was  dressed  that  morning 
in  a  chemise  a  la  rei7ie.  "  I  like,"  said  she,  ''the 
dew  of  the  morning,  'tis  delicate  and  *  ethereal, 
and,  by  thus  bespangling  me,  I  think  it  will  more 
approximate  me  to  the  nature  of  the  rose  [for 
her  looks  were  like  Aurora]  ;  and  to  confirm  the 
vermilion  I  shall  go  to  Spa."  ''And  drink  the 
Pouhon  spring,"  added  I,  gazing  at  her  from  top 
to  toe.  "Yes,"  replied  the  lovely  Fragrantia, 
"  with  all  my  heart ;  'tis  the  drink  of  sweetness 
and  delicacy.  Never  were  there  any  creatures 
like  the  water-drinkers  at  Spa;  they  seem  like 
so  many  thirsty  blossoms  on  a  peach-tree,  that 
suck  up  the  shower  in  the  scorching  heat. 
There  is  a  certain  something  in  the  waters  that 
gives  vigor  to  the  whole  frame,  and  expands 
every  heart  with  rapture  and  benevolence.  They 
drink  !  good  gods !  how  they  do  drink  !  and  then, 
how  they  sleep  !  Pray,  my  dear  Baron,  were 
you  ever  at  the  Falls  of  Niagara?"  "Yes, 
my  lady,"  replied  I,  surprised  at  such  a  strange 
association  of  ideas;  "  I  have  been,  many  years 
ago,  at  the  Falls  of  Niagara,  and  found  no  more 
difficulty  in  swimming  up  and  down  the  cataracts 
than  I  should  to  move  a  minuet."     At  that  mo- 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  245 

merit  she  dropped  her  nosegay.  ''  Ah,"  said  she, 
as  I  presented  it  to  her,  '^'  there  is  no  great  vari- 
ety in  these  polyanthuses.  I  do  assure  you,  my 
dear  Baron,  that  there  is  taste  in  the  selection 
of  flowers  as  well  as  everything  else,  and  were  I 
a  girl  of  sixteen  I  should  wear  some  rose-buds  in 
my  bosom,  but  at  five-and-twenty  I  think  it 
would  be  more  apropos  to  wear  a  full-blown  rose, 
quite  ripe,  and  ready  to  drop  off  the  stalk  for 
want  of  being  pulled — heigh-ho  !"  "  But  pray, 
my  lady,"  said  I,  "  how  do  you  like  the  concert  ?'* 
"  Alas !"  said  she,  languishingly,  while  she 
laid  her  hand  upon  my  shoulder,  "w^hat,are 
these  bodiless  sounds  and  vibration  to  me?  and 
yet  what  an  exquisite  sweetness  in  the  songs  of 
the  northern  part  of  our  island  :  '  Thou  art  gone 
awa'  from  me,  Mary  !'  How  pathetic  and  divine 
the  little  airs  of  Scotland  and  the  Hebrides! 
But  never,  never  can  I  think  of  that  same  Doc- 
tor Johnson — that  constable,  as  Fergus  Mac- 
Leod calls  him — but  I  have  an  idea  of  a  great 
brown  full-bottomed  wig  and  a  hogshead  of 
porter !  Oh,  'twas  base !  to  be  treated  every- 
where with  politeness  and  hospitality,  and  in 
return  invidiously  to  smellfungus  them  all  over; 


246  BAH  ON  MUNCHAUSEN. 

to  go  to  the  country  of  Kate  of  Aberdeen,  of 
Auld  Kobin  Gray,  'midst  rural  innocence  and 
sweetness,  take  up  their  plaids,  and  dance.  Oh ! 
Doctor,  Doctor!" 

"  And  what  would  you  say,  Fragrantia,  if  you 
wiere  to  write  a  tour  to  the  Hebrides  ?"  "  Peace 
to  the  heroes,"  replied  she,  in  a  delicate  and 
theatrical  tone ;  "  peace  to  the  heroes  who  sleep 
in  the  isle  of  lona;  the  sons  of  the  wave,  and 
the  chiefs  of  the  dark-brown  shield !  The  tear 
of  the  sympathising  stranger  is  scattered  by  the 
wind  over  the  hoary  stones  as  she  meditates 
sorrowfully  on  the  times  of  old !  Such  could  I 
say,  sitting  upon  some  druidical  heap  or  tumu- 
lus. The  fact  is  this,  there  is  a  right  and  wrong 
handle  to  everything,  and  there  is  more  pleasure 
in  thinking  with  pure  nobility  of  heart,  than 
with  the  illiberal  enmities  and  sarcasm  of  a 
blackguard." 


CHAPTER  XXXI. 

A  litigated  contention  between  Don  Quixote,  Gog,  Magog, 
&c. — A  grand  court  assembled  upon  it — The  appearance 
of  the  company — The  matrons,  judges,  &c. — The  method 
of  writing,  and  the  use  of  the  fashionable  amusement 
quizzes — Wauwau  arrives  from  the  country  of  Prester 
John,  and  leads  the  whole  Assembly  a  wild-goose  chase 
to  the  top  of  Plinlimmon,  and  thence  to  Virginia — The 
Baron  meets  a  floating  island  in  his  voyage  to  Americ^ 
— Pursues  Wauwau  with  his  whole  company  through  the 
deserts  of  North  America — His  curious  contrivance  to 
seize  Wauwau  in  a  morass. 


HE  contention  between  Gog  and  Magog, 
and  Sphinx,  Hilaro  Frosticos,  thaLord 
Whittington,  &c.,  was  productive  of 
infinite  litigation.  All  the  lawyers  in  the  king- 
donj  were  employed  to  render  the  affair  as  com- 

(247) 


248  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

plex  and  gloriously  uncertain  as  possible ;  and, 
in  fine,  the  whole  nation  became  interested,  and 
were  divided  on  both  sides  of  the  question. 
Colossus  took  the  part  of  Sphinx,  and  the  affair 
was  at  length  submitted  to  the  decision  of  a 
grand  council  in  a  great  hall,  adorned  with  seats 
on  every  side  in  form  of  an  amphitheatre.  The 
assembly  appeared  the  most  magnificent  and 
splendid  in  the  world.  A  court  or  jury  of  one 
hundred  matrons  occupied  the  principal  and 
most  honorable  part  of  the  amphitheatre ;  they 
were  dressed  in  flowing  robes  of  sky-blue  velvet, 
adorned  with  festoons  of  brilliants  and  diamond 
stars ;  grave  and  sedate-looking  matrons,  all  in 
uniform,  with  spectacles  upon  their  noses;  and 
opposite  to  these  were  placed  one  hundred 
*  judges,  with  curly  white  wigs  flowing  down  on 
each  side  of  them  to  their  very  feet,  so  that  Sol- 
omon in  all  his  glory  was  not  so  wise  in  appear- 
ance. At  the  ardent  request  of  the  whole  empire 
I  condescended  to  be  the  president  of  the  court, 
and  being  arrayed  accordingly,  I  took  my  seat 
beneath  a  canopy  erected  in  the  centre.  Before 
every  judge  was  placed  a  square  inkstand,  con- 
taining a  gallon  of  ink,  and  pens  of  a  proportion- 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  249 

able  size ;  and  also  right  before  him  an  enormous 
folio,  so  large  as  to  serve  for  table  and  book  at 
the  same  time.  But  thej  did  not  make  much 
use  of  their  pens  and  ink,  except  to  blot  and 
daub  the  paper;  for,  that  they  should  be  the 
more  impartial,  I  had  ordered  that  none  but  the 
blind  should  be  honored  with  the  employment  : 
so  that  when  they  attempted  to  write  anything, 
they  uniformly  dipped  their  pens  into  the  ma- 
chine containing  sand,  and  having  scrawled  over 
a  page  as  they  thought,  desiring  them  to  dry  it 
with  sand,  would  spill  half  a  gallon  of  ink  upon 
the  paper,  and  thereby  daubing  their  fingers, 
would  transfer  the  ink  to  their  fice  whenever 
they  leaned  their  cheek  upon  their  hand  for 
greater  gravity.  As  to  the  matrons,  to  prevent 
an  eternal  prattle  that  would  drown  all  manner 
of  intelligibility,  I  found  it  absolutely  necessary 
to  sew  up  their  mouths;  so  that  between. the 
blind  judges  and  the  dumb  matrons  methought 
the  trial  had  a  chance  of  being  terminated  sooner 
than  it  otherwise  would.  The  matrons,  instead 
of  their  tongues,  had  other  instruments  to  convey 
their  ideas:  each  of  them  had  three  quizzes,  one 
quiz  pendant  from  the  string  that  sewed  up  her 


250  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

mouth,  and  another  quiz  in  either  hand.  When 
she  wished  to  express  her  negative,  she  darted 
and  recoiled  the  quizzes  in  her  right  and  left 
hand ;  and  when  she  desired  to  express  her 
affirmative,  she,  nodding,  made  the  quiz  pendant 
from  her  mouth  flow  down  and  recoil  again. 
The  trial  proceeded  in  this  manner  for  a  long 
time,  to  the  admiration  of  the  whole  empire, 
when  at  length  I  thought  proper  to  send  to  my 
old  friend  and  ally,  Prester  John,  entreating  him 
to  forward  to  me  one  of  the  species  of  wild  and 
curious  birds  found  in  his  kingdom,  called  a 
Wauwau.  This  creature  was  brought  over  the 
great  bridge  before  mentioned,  from  the  interior 
of  Africa,  by  a  balloon.  The  balloon  was  placed 
upon  the  bridge,  extending  over  the  parapets  on 
each  side,  with  great  wings  or  oars  to  assist  its 
velocity,  and  under  the  balloon  was  placed  pend- 
ant a  kind  of  boat,  in  which  were  the  persons  to 
manage  the  steerage  of  the  machine,  and  protect 
Wauwau.  This  oracular  bird,  arriving  in  Eng- 
land, instantly  darted  through  one  of  the  win- 
dows of  the  great  hall,  and  perched  upon  the 
canopy  in  the  centre,  to  the  admiration  of  all 
present.     Her  cackling  appeared  quite  prophetic 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN,  251 

and  oracular ;  an4  the  first  question  proposed  to 
her  by  tlie  unanimous  consent  of  the  matrons 
and  judges  was,  Whether  or  not  the  Moon  was 
composed  of  green  cheese  ?  The  solution  of  this 
question  was  deemed  absolutely  necessary  before 
they  could  proceed  farther  on  the  trial. 

Wauwau  seemed  in  figure  not  very  much 
diflbring  from  a  swan,  except  that  the  neck  was 
not  near  so  long,  and  she  stood  after  an  admir- 
able fashion  like  to  Vestris.  She  began  cack- 
ling most  sonorously,  and  the  whole  assembly 
agreed  that  it  was  absolutely  necessary  to  catch 
her,  and  having  her  in  their  immediate  posses- 
sion, nothing  more  w^ould  be  requisite  for  the 
termination  of  this  litigated  afiair.  For  this 
purpose  the  whole  house  rose  up  to  catch  her, 
and  approached  in  tumult,  the  judges  brand- 
ishing their  pens,  and  shaking  their  big  wigs, 
and  the  matrons  quizzing  as  much  as  possible 
in  every  direction,  which  very  much  startled 
Wauwau,  who,  clapping  her  wings,  instantly  flew 
out  of  the  hall.  The  assembly  began  to  proceed 
after  her  in  order  and  style  of  precedence,  to- 
gether with  my  whole  train  of  Gog  and  Magog, 
I    Sphinx,  Hilaro  Frosticos,  Queen  Mab's  chariot, 


252  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

the  bulls  and  crickets,  &c.,  preceded  by  bands  of 
music;  while  Wauwau,  descending  on  the  earth, 
ran  on  like  an  ostrich  before  the  troop,  cackling 
all  the  way.  Thinking  suddenly  to  catch  this 
ferocious  animal,  the  judges  and  matrons  would 
suddenly  quicken  their  pace,  but  the  creature 
would  as  quickly  outrun  them,  or  sometimes  fly 
away  for  many  miles  together,  and  then  alight 
to  take  breath  until  we  came  wdthin  sight  of  her 
again.  Our  train  journeyed  over  a  most  prodig- 
ious tract  of  country  in  a  direct  line,  over  hills 
and  dales,  to  the  summit  ot  Plinlimmon,  where 
we  thought  to  have  seized  Wauwau ;  but  she  in- 
stantly took  flight,  and  never  ceased  until  she 
arrived  at  the  mouth  of  the  Potomac  river  in 
Virginia. 

Our  company  immediately  embarked  in  the 
machines  before  described,  in  which  we  had 
journeyed  into  Africa,  and  after  a  few  days'  sail 
arrived  in  North  America.  We  met  with  noth- 
ing curious  on  our  voyage,  except  a  floating  island, 
containing  some  very  delightful  villages,  inhab- 
ited by  a  few  whites  and  negroes ;  the  sugar  cane 
did  not  thrive  there  well,  on  account,  as  I  was 
informed,  of  the   variety  of  the  climates;  the 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN,  253 

island  being  sometimes  driven  up  as  far  as  the 
north  pole,  and  at  other  times  wafted  under  the 
equinoctial.  In  pity  to  the  poor  islanders,  I  got 
a  huge  stake  of  iron,  and  driving  it  through  the 
centre  of  the  island,  fastened  it  to  the  rocks  and 
mud  at  the  bottom  of  the  sea,  since  which  time 
the  island  has  become  stationary,  and  is  well 
known  at  present  by  the  name  of  St.  Christo-  • 
pher's,  and  there  is  not  an  island  in  the  world 
more  secure. 

Arriving  in  North  America,  we  were  received 
by  the  President  of  the  United  States  with 
every  honor  and  politeness.  He  was  pleased 
to  give  us  all  the  information  possible  relative 
to  the  woods  and  immense  regions  of  America, 
and  ordered  troops  of  the  different  tribes  of  the 
Esquimaux  to  guide  us  through  the  forests  in 
pursuit  of  Wauwau,  who,  we  at  length  found, 
had  taken  refuge  in  the  centre  of  a  morass. 
The  inhabitants  of  the  country,  who  loved 
hunting,  were  much  delighted  to  behold  the 
manner  in  which  we  attempted  to  seize  upon 
Wauwau;  the  chase  was  noble  and  uncommon. 
I  determined  to  surround  the  animal  t)n  every 
side,  and  for  this  purpose  ordered  the  judges  and 


254  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS   OF 

matrons  to  surround  the  morass  with  nets  extend- 
ing a  mile  in  height,  on  various  parts  of  which 
net  the  company  disposed  themselves,  floating  in 
the  air  like  so  many  spiders  upon  their  cobwebs. 
Magog,  at  my  command,  put  on  a  kind  of  armor 
that  he  had  carried  with  him  for  the  purpose, 
corslet  of  steel,  with  gauntlets,  helmets,  &c.,  so 
as  nearly  to  resemble  a  mole.  He  instantly 
plunged  into  the  earth,  making  way  with  his 
sharp  steel  head-piece,  and  tearing  up  the  ground 
with  his  iron  claws,  and  found  not  much  difficulty 
therein,  as  morass  in  general  is  of  a  soft  and 
yielding  texture.  Thus  we  hoped  to  undermine 
Wauwau,  and  suddenly  rising,  seize  her  by  the 
foot,  while  his  brother  Gog  ascended  the  air  in  a 
balloon,  hoping  to  catch  her  if  she  should  escape 
Magog.  Thus  the  animal  was  surrounded  on 
every  side,  and  at  first  was  very  much  terrified, 
,  knowing  not  w^hich  way  she  had  best  to  go.  At 
length  hearing  an  obscure  noise  under  ground, 
Wauwau  took  flight  before  Magog  could  have 
time  to  catch  her  by  the  foot.  She  flew  to  the 
right,  then  to  the  left,  north,  east,  west,  and 
south,  but  found  on  every  side  the  compatiy  pre- 
pared upon  their  nets.     At  length  she  flew  right 


BARON  MUNCHA  USEN.  255 

up,  soaring  at  a  most  astonishing  rate  towards 
the  sun,  while  the  company  on  every  side  set  up 
one  general  acclamation.  But  Gog  in  his  balloon 
soon  stopped  Wauwau  in  the  midst  of  her  career, 
and  snared  her  in  a  net,  the  cords  of  which  he 
continued  to  hold  in  his  hand.  Wauwau  did 
not  totally  lose  her  presence  of  mind,  but,  after 
a  little  consideration,  made  several  violent  darts 
against  the  volume  of  the  balloon ;  so  fierce,  as 
at  length  to  tear  open  a  great  space,  on  which 
the  inflammable  air  rushing  out,  the  wliole  appa- 
ratus began  to  tumble  to  the  earth  with  amazing 
rapidity.  Gog  himself  was  throwui  out  of  the 
vehicle,  and  letting  go  the  reins  of  the  net,  Wau- 
wau got  liberty  again,  and  flew  out  of  sight  in 
an  instant. 

Gog  had  been  above  a  mile  elevated  from  the 
earth  when  he  began  to  fall,  and  as  he  advanced 
the  rapidity  increased,  so  that  he  went  like  a  ball 
from  a  cannon  into  the  morass,  and  his  nose 
striking  against  one  of  the  iron-capped  hands  of 
his  brother  Magog,  just  then  rising  from  the 
depths,  he  began  to  bleed  violently,  and,  but  for 
the  softness  of  the  morass,  would  have  lost 
his  life. 


CHAPTER  XXXII. 

The  Baron  harangues  the  company,  and  they  continue  the 
pursuit — The  Baron,  wandering  from  his  retinue,  is  taken 
by  the  savages,  scalped  and  tied  to  a  stake  to  be  roasted, 
but  he  contrives  to  extricate  himself,  and  kills  the  sav- 
ages— The  Baron  travels  overland  through  the  forests 
of  North  America  to  the  conjBnes  of  Russia — Arrives  at 
the  castle  of  the  Nareskin  Rowskimowmowsky,  and  gal- 
lops into  the  kingdom  of  Loggerheads — A  battle,  in 
which  the  Baron  fights  the  Nareskin  in  single  combat, 
and  generously  gives  him  his  life — Arrives  at  the  Friendly 
Islands  and  discourses  with  Omai — The  Baron,  with  all 
his  attendants,  goes  from  Otaheite  to  the  Isthmus  of 
Darien,  and  having  cut  a  canal  across  the  Isthmus,  re- 
turns to  England. 

jY  friends,  and  very  learned  and  pro- 
found Judiciarii,"  said  I,  "be  not  dis- 
heartened that  Wauwau  has  escaped 
from  you  at  present:  persevere,  and  we  shall  yet 
succeed.     You  should  never  despair,  Munchausen 

(256) 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  257 

being  your  general ;  and  therefore  be  brave,  be 
courageous,  and  fortune  shall  second  your  en- 
deavors. Let  us  advance  undaunted  in  pursuit, 
and  follow  the  fierce  Wauwau  even  three  times 
round  the  globe,  until  we  entrap  her." 

My  words  filled  them  with  confidence  and 
valor,  and  they  unanimously  agreed  to  continue 
the  chase.  We  penetrated  the  frightful  deserts 
and  gloomy  woods  of  America,  beyond  the  source 
of  the  Ohio,  through  countries  utterly  unknown 
before.  I  frequently  took  the  diversion  of  shoot- 
ing in  the  woods,  and  one  day  that  I  happened 
with  three  attendants,  to  wander  far  from  our 
troop,  we  were  suddenly  set  upon  by  a  number 
of  savages.  As  we  had  expended  our  powder 
and  shot,  and  happened  to  have  no-  side  arms,  it 
was  in  vain  to  make  any  resistance  against  hun- 
dreds of  enemies.  In  short,  they  bound  us,  and 
made  us  walk  before  them  to  a  gloomy  cavern  in 
a  rock,  where  they  feasted  upon  what  game  they 
had  killed,  but  which,  not  being  sufficient,  they 
took  my  three  unfortunate  companions  and  my- 
self, and  scalped  us.  The  pain  of  losing  the  flesh 
from  my  head  was  most  horrible ;  it  made  me 
leap  in  agonies,  and  roar  like  a  bull.  They  then 
17 


258  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

tied  us  to  stakes,  and  making  great  fires  around 
us,  began  to  dance  in  a  circle,  singing  with  much 
distortion  and  barbarity,  and  at  times  putting  the 
pahns  of  their  hands  to  their  mouths,  set  up  the 
war-whoop.  As  they  had  on  that  day  also  made 
a  great  prize  of  some- wine  and  spirits  belonging 
to  our  troop,  these  barbarians,  finding  it  delicious, 
and  unconscious  of  its  intoxicating  quality,  began 
to  drink  it  in  profusion,  while  they  beheld  us 
roasting,  and  in  a  very  short  time  they  were  all 
completely  drunk,  and  fell  asleep  around  the  fires. 
Perceiving  some  hopes,  I  used  most  astonishing 
efforts  to  extricate  myself  from  the  cords  with 
which  I  was  tied,  and  at  length  succeeded.  I 
immediately  unbound  my  companions,  and 
though  half  roasted,  they  still  had  power  enough 
to  walk.  We  sought  about  for  the  flesh  that 
had  been  taken  off  our  heads,  and  having  found 
the  scalps,  we  immediately  adapted  them  to  our 
bloody  heads,  sticking  them  on  with  a  kind  of 
glue  of  a  sovereign  quality,  that  flows  from  a 
tree  in  that  country,  and  the  parts  united  and 
healed  in  a  few  hours.  We  took  care  to  revenge 
ourselves  on  the  savages,  and  with  their  own 
hatchets  put  every  one  of  them  to  death.     We 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  259 

then  returned  to  our  troop,  who  had  given  us  up 
for  lost,  and  they  made  great  rejoicings  on  our 
return.  We  now  proceeded  in  our  journey 
through  this  prodigious  wilderness,  Gog  and  Ma- 
gog acting  as  pioneers,  hewing  down  the  trees, 
&c.,  at  a  great  rate  as  we  advanced.  We  passed 
over  numberless  swamps  and  lakes  and  rivers, 
until  at  length  we  discovered  a  habitation  at 
some  distance.  It  appeared  a  dark  and  gloomy 
castle,  surrounded  with  strong  ramparts,  and  a 
broad  ditch.  We  called  a  council  of  war,  and  it 
was  determined  to  send  a  deputation  with  a 
trumpet  to  the  walls  of  the  castle,  and  demand 
friendship  from  the  governor,  whoever  he  might 
be,  and  an  account  if  aught  he  knew  of  Wauwau. 
For  this  purpose  our  whole  caravan  halted  in  the 
wood,  and  Gog  and  Magog  reclined,  amongst  the 
trees,  that  their  enormous  strength  and  size 
should  not  be  discovered,  and  give  umbrage  to 
the  lord  of  the  castle.  Our  embassy  approached 
the  castle,  and  having  demanded  admittance  for 
some  time,  at  length  the  drawbridge  was  let 
down,  and  they  were  suffered  to  enter.  As  soon 
as  they  had  passed  the  gate  it  was  immediately 
closed  after  them,  and  on  either  side  they  per- 


260  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

ceived  ranks  of  halberdiers,  who  made  them 
tremble  with  fear.  "  We  come,"  the  herald  pro- 
claimed, "  on  the  part  of  Hilaro  Frosticos,  Don 
Quixote,  Lord  Whittington,  and  the  thrice-re- 
nowned Baron  Munchausen,  to  claim  friendship 
from  the  governor  of  this  puissant  castle,  and  to 
seek  Wauwau."  ^'  The  most  noble  the  governor," 
replied  an  officer,  ^^  is  at  all  times  happy  to  enter- 
tain such  travellers  as  pass  through  these  im- 
mense deserts,  and  will  esteem  it  an  honor  that 
the  great  Hilaro  Frosticos,  Don  Quixote,  Lord 
Whittington,  and  the  thrice-renowned  Baron 
Munchausen,  enter  his  castle  walls." 

In  short,  we  entered  the  castle.  The  gov- 
ernor sat  with  all  our  company  to  table,  sur- 
rounded by  his  friends,  of  a  very  fierce  and 
warlike  appearance.  They  spoke  but  little  and 
seemed  very  austere  and  reserved,  until  the 
first  course  was  served  up.  The  dishes  were 
brought  in  by  a  number  of  bears,  walking  on 
their  hind-legs,  and  on  every  dish  was  a  fricassee 
of  pistols,  pistol-bullets,  sauce  of  gunpowder  and 
aqua-vitae.  This  entertainment  seemed  rather 
indigestible  by  even  an  ostrich's  stomach,  when 
the  governor  addressed  us,  and  informed  me  that 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN,  261 

it  was  ever  his  custom  to  strangers  to  offer  them 
for  the  first  course  a  service  similar  to  that  be- 
fore us,  and  if  they  were  inclined  to  accept  the 
invitation,  he  would  fight  them  as  much  as  they 
pleased,  but  if  they  could  not  relish  the  pistol- 
bullets,  &c.,  he  would  conclude  them  peaceable^ 
and  try  what  better  politeness  he  could  show 
them  in  his  castle.  In  short,  the  first  course 
being  removed  untouched,  we  dined,  and  after 
dinner  the  governor  forced  the  company  to  push 
the  bottle  about  with  alacrity  and  to  excess.  He 
informed  us  that  he  was  the  Nareskin  Rowskim- 
owmowsky,  who  had  retired  amidst  these  wilds, 
disgusted  with  the  court  of  Petersburg.  I  was 
rejoiced  to  meet  him;  I  recollected  my  old 
friend,  whom  I  had  known  at  the  court  of  Russia 
when  I  rejected  the  hand  of  the  Empress.  The 
Nareskin,  with  all  his  knights-companions,  drank 
to  an  astonishing  degree,  and  we  all  set  off  upon 
hobby  horses,  in  full  cry,  out  of  the  castle. 
Never  was  there  seen  such  a  cavalcade  before. 
In  front  galloped  a  hundred  knights  belonging  to 
the  castle,  with  hunting  horns  and  a  pack  of 
excellent  dogs ;  and  then  came  the  Nareskin 
Rowskimowmowsky,    Gog   and    Magog,    Hilaro 


262  ORIGINAL   TRAVELS   OF 

Frosticos,  and  your  humble  servant,  hallooing 
and  shouting  like  so  many  demoniacs,  and  spur- 
ring our  hobby  horses  at  an  infernal  rate 
until  we  arrived  in  the  kingdom  of  Logger- 
heads. 

The  kingdom  of  Loggerheads  was  wilder 
than  any  part  of  Siberia,  and  the  Nareskin 
had  here  built  a  romantic  summer-house  in 
a  Gothic  taste,  to  w^hich  he  would  frequently 
retire  wdth  his  company  after  dinner.  The 
Nareskin  had  a  dozen  bears  of  enormous  stat- 
ure that  danced  for  our  amusement,  and  their 
chiefs  performed  the  miyiuet  de  la  coiir  to  admi- 
ration. And  here  the  most  noble  Hilaro  Fros- 
ticos  thought  proper  to  ask  the  Nareskin  some 
intelligence  about  Wauwau,  in  quest  of  whom 
we  had  travelled  over  such  a  tract  of  country, 
and  encountered  so  many  dangerous  adventures, 
and  also  invited  the  Nareskin  Rowskimowmow- 
sky  to  attend  us  with  all  his  bears  in  the  expe- 
dition. The  Nareskin  appeared  astonished  at 
the  idea ;  he  looked  with  infinite  hauteur  and 
ferocity  on  Hilaro,  and  affecting  a  violent  pas- 
sion, asked  him,  "  Did  he  imagine  that  the 
Nareskin  Rowskimowmowsky  could  condescend 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  263 

to  take  notice  of  a  Wauwau,  let  her  fly  what  way 
she  would  ?  Or  did  he  think  a  chief  possessing 
such  blood  in  his  veins  could  engage  in  such  a 
foreign  pursuit  ?  By  the  blood  of  all  the  bears 
in  the  kingdom  of  Loggerheads  and  by  the  ashes 
of  my  great  great  grandmother,  I  would  cut  off 
your  head  !'* 

Hilaro  Frosticos  resented  this  oration,  and  in 
short  a  general  riot  commenced.  The  bears, 
together  with  the  hundred  knights,  took  th^ 
part  of  the  Nareskin,  and  Gog  and  Magog, 
Don  Quixote,  the  Sphinx,  Lord  Whittington, 
the  bulls,  the  crickets,  the  judges,  the  matrons, 
and  Hilaro  Frosticos,  made  noble  warfare  against 
them. 

I  drew  my  sword,  and  challenged  the  Nare- 
skin to  single  combat.  He  frowned,  while  his 
eyes  sparkled  fire  and  indignation,  and  bracing 
a  buckler  on  his  left  arm,  he  advanced  against 
me.  I  made  a  blow  at  him  with  all  my  force, 
which  he  received  upon  his  buckler,  and  my 
sword  broke  short. 

Ungenerous  Nareskin !  seeing  me  disarmed, 
he  still  pushed  forward,  dealing  his  blows  upon 
me  with  the  utmost  violence,  which   I   parried 


264  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS    OF 

with  my  shield  and  the  hilt  of  my  broken  sword, 
and  fought  like  a  game-cock. 

An  enormous  bear  at  the  same  time  attacked 
me,  but  I  ran  my  hand  still  retaining  the  hilt 
of  my  broken  sword  down  his  throat,  and  tore 
up  his  tongue  by  the  roots.  I  then  seized  his 
carcase  by  the  hind  legs,  and  whirling  it  over 
ray  head,  gave  the  Nareskin  such  a  blow  with 
his  own  bear  as  evidently  stunned  him.  I  re- 
peated my  blows,  knocking  the  bear's  head 
against  the  Nareskin's  head,  until,  by  one  happy 
blow,  I  got  his  head  into  the  bear's  jaws,  and 
the  creature  being  still  somewhat  alive  and 
convulsive,  the  teeth  closed  upon  him  like  nut- 
crackers. I  threw  the  bear  from  me,  but  the 
Nareskin  remained  sprawling,  unable  to  extri- 
cate his  head  from  the  bear's  jaws,  imploring 
for  mercy.  I  gave  the  wretcTi  his  life :  a  lion 
preys  not  upon  carcases. 

At  the  same  time  my  troop  had  effectually 
routed  the  bears  and  the  rest  of  their  adver- 
saries. I  was  merciful,  and  ordered  quarter  to 
be  given. 

At  that  moment  I  perceived  Wauwau  flying 
at  a  great  height  through^  the  heavens,  and  we 


BARON  MUNCEAUSEK.  265 

instantly  set  out  in  pursuit  of  her,  and  never 
stopped  until  we  arrived  at  Kamschatka;  thence 
we  passed  to  Otaheite.  I  met  my  old  acquaint- 
ance Omai,  who  had  been  in  England  with  the 
great  navigator,  Cook,  and  I  was  glad  to  find  he 
had  established  Sunday  schools  over  all  the 
islands.  I  talked  to  him  of  Europe,  and  his 
former  voyage  to  England.  "Ah!"  said  he, 
most  emphatically,  "the  English,  the  cruel 
English,  to  murder  me  with  goodness,  and  refine 
upon  my  torture — took  me  to  Europe,  and 
showed  me  the  court  of  England,  the  delicacy 
of  exquisite  life  :  they  showed  me  gods,  and 
showed  me  heaven,  as  if  on  purpose  to  make  me 
feM  the  loss  of  them." 

From  these  islands  we  set  out,  attended  by  a 
fleet  of  canoes  with  fighting-stages  and  the 
chiefest  warriors  of  the  islands,  commanded  by 
Omai.  Thus  the  chariot  of  Queen  Mab,  my 
team  of  bulls,  and  the  crickets,  the  ark,  the 
Sphinx,  and  the  balloons,  with  Hilaro  Frosticos, 
Gog  and  Magog,  Lord  Whittington,  and  the 
Lord  Mayor's  show,  Don  Quixote,  &c.,  with  my 
fleet  of  canoes,  altogether  cut  a  very  formidable 
appearance   on  our  arrival   at  the   Isthmus  of 


266  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS   OF 

Darien.  Sensible  of  what  general  benefit  it 
would  be  to  mankind,  I  immediately  formed  a 
plan  of  cutting  a  canal  across  the  isthmus  from 
sea  to  sea. 

For  this  purpose  I  drove  my  chariot  with  the 
greatest  impetuosity  repeatedly  from  shore  to 
shore,  in  the  same  track,  tearing  up  the  rocks 
and  earth  thereby,  and  forming  a  tolerable  bed 
for  the  water.  Gog  and  Magog  next  advanced 
at  the  head  of  a  million  of  people  from  the 
realms  of  North  and  South  America,  and  from 
Europe,  and  with  infinite  labor  cleared  away 
the  earth,  &c.,  that  I  had  ploughed  up  with  my 
chariot.  I  then  again  drove  my  chariot,  making 
the  canal  wider  and  deeper,  and  ordered  Gog 
and  Magog  to  repeat  their  labor  as  before. 
The  canal  being  a  quarter  of  a  mile  broad,  and 
three  hundred  yards  in  depth,  I  thought  it  suffi- 
cient, and  immediately  let  in  the  waters  of  the 
sea.  I  did  imagine,  that  from  the  rotatory 
motion  of  the  earth  on  its  axis  from  west  to 
east,  the  sea  would  be  higher  on  the  eastern 
than  the  western  coast,  and  that  on  the  uniting 
of  the  two  seas  there  would  be  a  strong  current 
from  the  east,   and  it  happened  just  as  I  ex- 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  267 

pected.  The  sea  came  in  with  tremendous 
magnificence,  and  enlarged  the  bounds  of  the 
canal,  so  as  to  make  a  passage  of  some  miles 
broad  from  ocean  to  ocean,  and  make  an  island 
of  South  America.  Several  sail  of  trading  ves- 
sels and  men-of-war  sailed  through  this  new 
channel  to  the  South  Seas,  China,  &c.,  and 
saluted  me  with  all  their  cannon  as  they 
passed. 

I  looked  through  my  telescope  at  the  Moon, 
and  perceived  the  philosophers  there  in  great 
commotion.  They  could  plainly  discern  the 
alteration  on  the  surface  of  our  globe,  and 
thought  themselves  somehow  interested  in  the 
enterprise  of  their  fellow-mortals  in  a  neigh- 
boring planet.  They  seemed  to  think  it  admira- 
ble that  such  little  beings  as  we  men  should 
attempt  so  magnificent  a  performance,  that 
would  be  observable  even  in  a  separate  world. 

Thus  having  wedded  the  Atlantic  Ocean  to 
the  South  Sea,  I  returned  to  England,  and 
found  Wauwau  precisely  in  the  very  spot 
whence  she  had  set  out,  after  having  led  us  a 
chase  all  round  the  world. 


CHAPTER  XXXIII. 

The  Baron  goes  to  Petersburg  and  converses  with  the 
Empress — Persuades  the  Russians  and  Turks  to  cease 
cutting  one  another's  throats,  and  in  concert  cut  a  canal 
across  the  Isthmus  of  Suez — The  Baron  discovers  the 
Alexandrine  Library,  and  meets  with  Hermes  Trisme- 
gistus — Besieges  Seringapatara,  and  challenges  Tippoo 
Saib  to  single  combat — They  fight — The  Baron  receives 
some  wounds  on  his  face,  but  at  length  vanquishes  the 
tyrant — The  Baron  returns  to  Europe,  and  raises  the 
hull  of  the  Royal  George. 


EIZED  with  a  fury  of  canal  cutting,  I 
took  it  in  my  head  to  form  an  imme- 
diate communication  between  the  Med- 
iterranean and  the  Red  Sea,  and  therefore  set 
out  for  Petersburg. 

The  sanguinary  ambition  of  the  Empress  would 
not  listen  to  my  proposals,  until  I  took  a  private 

(268) 


BARON  MUNCHA  USEN.  269 

opportunity,  taking  a  cup  of  coffee  with  her 
Majesty,  to  tell  her  that  I  would  absolutely  sac- 
rifice myself  for  the  general  good  of  mankind, 
and  if  she  would  accede  to  my  proposals,  would, 
on  the  completion  of  the  canal,  ipso  facto,  give 
her  my  hand  in  marriage  ! 

"  My  dear,  dear  Baron,"  said  she,  "  I  accede  to 
everything  you  please,  and  agree  to  make  peace 
with  the  Porte  on  the  conditions  you  mention. 
And,"  added  she,  rising  with  all  the  majesty  of 
the  Czarina,  Empress  of  half  the  world,  "  be  it 
known  to  all  subjects,  that  we  ordain  these  con- 
ditions, for  such  is  our  royal  will  and  pleasure." 

I  now  proceeded  to  the  Isthmus  of  Suez,  at 
the  head  of  a  million  of  Russian  pioneers,  and 
there  united  my  forces  with  a  million  of  Turks, 
armed  with  shovels  and  pickaxes.  They  did  not 
come  to  cut  each  other  s  throats,  but  for  their 
mutual  interest,  to  facilitate  commerce  and  civil- 
ization, and  pour  all  the  wealth  of  India  by  a  new 
channel  into  Europe.  "  My  brave  fellows,"  said 
I,  "  consider  the  immense  labor  of  the  Chinese  to 
build  their  celebrated  wall ;  think  of  what  supe- 
rior benefit  to  mankind  is  our  present  undertak- 
ing;   persevere,   and   fortune  will   second   your 


270  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS   OF 

endeavors.     Remember   it  is    Munchausen  who 
leads  you  on,  and  be  convinced  of  success." 

Saying  these  words,  I  drove  my  chariot  with 
all  my  might  in  my  former  track,  that  vestige 
mentioned  by  the  Baron  de  Tott,  and  when  I 
was  advanced  considerably,  I  felt  my  chariot 
sinking  under  me.  I  attempted  to  drive  on,  but 
the  ground,  or  rather  immense  vault,  giving  way, 
my  chariot  and  all  went  down  precipitately. 
Stunned  by  the  fall,  I  was  some  moments  before 
I  could  recollect  myself,  when  at  length,  to  my 
amazement,  I  perceived  myself  fallen  into  the 
Alexandrine  Library,  overwhelmed  in  an  ocean 
of  books;  thousands  of  volumes  came  tumbling 
on  my  head  amidst  the  ruins  of  that  part  of  the- 
vault  through  which  my  chariot  had  descended, 
and  for  a  time  buried  my  bulls  and  all  beneath  a 
heap  of  learning.  However,  I  contrived  to  extri- 
cate myself,  and  advanced  with  awful  admiration 
through  the  vast  avenues  of  the  library.  I  per- 
ceived on  every  side  innumerable  volumes  and 
repositories  of  ancient  learning,  and  all  the  science 
of  the  Antediluvian  world.  Here  I  met  with 
Hermes  Trismegistus,  and  a  parcel  of  old  philos- 
ophers debating  upon  the  politics  and  learning 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN,  271 

of  their  days.  I  gave  them  inexpressible  delight 
in  telling  them,  in  a  few  words,  all  the  discoveries 
of  Newton,  and  the  history  of  the  world  since 
their  time.  These  gentry,  on  the  contrary,  told 
me  a  thousand  stories  of  antiquity  that  some  of 
our  antiquarians  would  give  their  very  eyes  to 
hear. 

In  short,  I  ordered  the  library  to  be  preserved, 
and  I  intend  making  a  present  of  it,  as  soon  as  it 
arrives  in  England,  to  the  Royal  Society,  to- 
gether with  Hermes  Trismegistus,  and  half  a 
dozen  •old  philosophers.  I  have  got  a  beautiful 
cage  made,  in  which  I  keep  these  extraordinary 
creatures,  and  feed  them  with  bread  and  honey, 
as  they  seem  to  believe  in  a  kind  of  doctrine  of 
transmigration,  and  will  not  touch  flesh.  Hermes 
Trismegistus  especially  is  a  most  antique-looking 
being,  with  a  beard  half  a  yard  long,  covered 
with  a  robe  of  golden  embroidery,  and  prates  like 
a  parrot.  He  will  cut  a  very  brilliant  figure  in 
the  Museum. 

Having  made  a  track  with  my  chariot  from 
sea  to  sea,  I  ordered  my  Turks  and  Russians  to 
begin,  and  in  a  few  hours  we  had  the  pleasure  of 
seeing  a  fleet  of  British  East  Indiamen  in  full 


272  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS   OF 

sail  through  the  canal.  The  officers  of  this  fleet 
were  very  polite,  and  paid  me  every  applause 
and  congratulation  mj  exploits  could  merit. 
They  told  me  of  their  affairs  in  India,  and  the 
ferocity  of  that  dreadful  warrior,  Tippoo  Saib,  on 
which  I  resolved  to  go  to  India  and  encounter 
the  tyrant.  I  travelled  down  the  Red  Sea  to 
Madras,  and  at  the  head  of  a  few  Sepoys  and 
Europeans  pursued  the  flying  army  of  Tippoo  to 
the  gates  of  Seringapatam.  I  challenged  him  to 
mortal  combat,  and,  mounted  on  my  steed,  rode 
up  to  the  walls  of  the  fortress  amidst  a  storm  of 
shells  and  cannon-balls.  As  fast  as  the  bombs 
and  cannon-balls  came  upon  me,  I  caught  them 
in  my  hands  like  so  many  pebbles,  and  throwing 
them  against  the  fortress,  demolished  the  strongest 
ramparts  of  the  place ;  I  took  my  mark  so  direct 
that  whenever  I  aimed  a  cannon-ball  or  a  shell 
at  any  person  on  the  ramparts  I  was  sure  to  hit 
him  :  and  one  time  perceiving  a  tremendous  piece 
of  artillery  pointed  against  me,  and  knowing  the 
ball  must  be  so  great  it  would  certainly  stun  me, 
I  took  a  small  cannon-ball,  and  just  as  I  per- 
ceived the  engineer  going  to  order  them  to  flre, 
and  opening  his  mouth  to  give  the  word  of  com- 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN,  273 

mand,  I  took  aim  and  drove  my  ball  precisely 
down  his  throat. 

Tippoo,  fearing  that  all  would  be  lost,  that  a 
general  and  successful  storm  would  ensue  if  I 
continued  to  batter  the  place,  came  forth  upon 
his  elephant  to  fight  me;  I  saluted  him,  and  in- 
sisted he  should  fire  first. 

Tippoo,  though  a  barbarian,  was  not  deficient 
in  politeness,  and  declined  the  compliment ;  upon 
which  I  took  off  my  hat,  and  bowing,  told  him 
it  was  an  advantage  Munchausen  should  never 
be  said  to  accept  from  so  gallant  a  warrior :  on 
which  Tippoo  instantly  discharged  his  carbine, 
the  ball  from  w^hich,  hitting  my  horse's  6ar,  made 
him  plunge  with  rage  and  indignation.  In  return 
I  discharged  my  pistol  at  Tippoo,  and  shot  off  his 
turban.  He  had  a  small  field-piece  mounted  with 
him  on  his  elephant,  which  he  then  discharged 
at  me,  and  the  grape-shot  coming  in  a  shower, 
rattled  in  the  laurels  that  covered  and  shaded  me 
all  over,  and  remained  pendant  like  berries  on 
the  branches.  I  then  advancing  took  the  pro- 
boscis of  his  elephant,  and  turning  it  against  the 
rider,  struck  him  repeatedly  with  the  extremity 
of  it  on  either  side  of  the  head,  until  I  at  length 
18 


274  ORIGINAL   TRAVELS   OF 

dismounted  him.  Nothing  could  equal  the  rage 
of  the  barbarian  finding  himself  thrown  from  his 
elephant.  He  rose  in  a  fit  of  despair,  and  rushed 
against  my  steed  and  myself;  but  I  scorned  to 
fight  him  at  so  great  a  disadvantage  on  his  side, 
and  directly  dismounted  to  fight  him  hand  to 
hand.  Never  did  I  fight  with  any  man  who 
bore  himself  more  nobly  than  this  adversary; 
he  parried  my  blows,  and  dealt  home  his  own  in 
return  with  astonishing  precision.  The  first  blow 
of  his  sabre  I  received  upon  the  bridge  of  my 
nose,  and  but  for  the  bony  firmness  of  that  part 
of  my  face,  it  w^ould  have  descended  to  my 
mouth.   '  I  still  bear  the  mark  upon  my  nose. 

He  next  made  a  furious  blow  at  my  head,  but 
I,  parrying,  deadened  the  force  of  his  sabre,  so 
that  I  received  but  one  scar  on  my  forehead,  and 
at  the  same  instant,  by  a  blow  of  my  sw^ord,  cut 
off  his  arm,  and  his  hand  and  sabre  fell  to  the 
earth ;  he  tottered  for  some  paces,  and  dropped 
at  the  foot  of  his  elephant.  That  sagacious  ani- 
mal, seeing  the  danger  of  his  master,  endeavored 
to  protect  him  by  flourishing  his  proboscis  round 
the  head  of  the  Sultan. 

Fearless  I  advanced  against  the  elephant,  do- 


BAR  OK  MUNCH  A  USEN,  275 

sirous  to  take  alive  the  haughty  Tippoo  Saib ; 
but  he  drew  a  pistol  from  his  belt,  and  discharged 
it  full  in  my  face  as  I  rushed  upon  him,  which 
did  me  no  further  harm  than  wound  my  cheek- 
bone, which  disfigures  me  somewhat  under  my 
left  eye.  I  could  not  withstand  the  rage  and 
impulse  of  that  moment,  and  with  one  blow  of 
my  sword  separated  his  head  from  his  body. 

I  returned  overland  from  India  to  Europe  with 
admirable  velocity,  so  that  the  account  of  Tippoo's 
defeat  by  me  has  not  as  yet  arrived  by  the  ordi- 
nary passage,  nor  can  you  expect  to  hear  of  it 
for  a  considerable  time.  I  simply  relate  the  en- 
counter as  it  happened  between  the  Sultan  and 
me ;  and  if  there  be  any  one  who  doubts  the 
truth  of  what  I  say,  he  is  an  infidel,  and  I  will 
fight  him  at  any  time  and  place,  and  with  any 
weapon  he  pleases* 

Hearing  so  many  persons  talk  about  raising 
the  Royal  George,  I  began  to  take  pity  on  that 
fine  old  ruin  of  British  plank,  and  determined  to 
have  her  up.  I  was  sensible  of  the  failure  of  the 
various  means  hitherto  employed  for  the  purpose, 
and  therefore  inclined  to  try  a  method  different 
from  any  before  attempted.    I  got  an  immense 


276  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS   OF 

balloon,  made  of  the  toughest  sail-cloth,  and  hav- 
ing descended  in  my  diving-bell,  and  properly 
secured  the  hull  with  enormous  cables,  I  ascended 
to  the  surface,  and  fastened  my  cables  to  the  bal- 
loon. Prodigious  multitudes  were  assembled  to 
behold  the  elevation  of  the  Eoyal  George,  and  as 
soon  as  I  began  to  fill  my  balloon  with  inflamma- 
ble air  the  vessel  evidently  began  to  move :  but 
when  my  balloon  was  completely  filled,  she  car- 
ried up  the  Royal  George  with  the  greatest  rapid- 
ity. The  vessel  appearing  on  the  surface  occa- 
sioned a  universal  shout 'of  triumph  from  the 
millions  assembled  on  the  occasion.  Still  the 
balloon  continued  ascending,  trailing  the  hull 
after  like  a  lantern  at  the  tail  of  a  kite,  and  in  a 
few  minutes  appeared  floating  among  the  clouds. 

It  was  then  the  opinion  of  many  philosophers 
that  it  would  be  more  difficult  to  get  her  down 
than  it  had  been  to  draw  her  up.  But  I  con- 
vinced them  to  the  contrary  by  taking  my  aim 
so  exactly  with  a  twelve-pounder,  that  I  brought 
her  down  in  an  instant. 

I  considered,  that  if  I  should  break  the  balloon 
with  a  cannon-ball  while  she  remained  with  the 
vessel  over  the  land,  the  fa-11  would  inevitably 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN,  277 

occasion  the  destruction  of  the  hull,  and  which, 
in  its  fall,  might  crush  some  of  the  multitude  ; 
therefore  I  thought  it  safer  to  take  my  aim  when 
the  balloon  was  over  the  sea,  and  pointing  my 
twelve-pounder,  drove  the  ball  right  through  the 
balloon;  on  which  the  inflammable  air  rushed 
out  with  great  force,  and  the  Koyal  George 
descended  like  a  falling  star  into  the  very  spot 
from  whence  she  had  been  taken.  There  she 
still  remains,  and  I  have  convinced  all  Europe 
of  the  possibility  of  taking  her  up. 


CHAPTER  XXXIV. 

The  Baron  makes  a  speech  to  the  National  Assembly  and 
drives  out  all  the  members — Routs  the  fishwomen  and 
the  National  Guards — Pursues  the  whole  rout  into  a 
church,  where  he  defeats  the  National  Assembly,  &c., 
with  Kousseau,  Voltaire  and  Beelzebub  at  their  head, 
and  liberates  Marie  Antoinette  and  the  Royal  Family. 

ASSING  through  Switzerland  on  my 
return  from  India,  I  was  informed 
that  several  of  the  German  nobility 
had  been  deprived  of  the  honors  and  immunities 
of  their  French  estates.  I  heard  of  the  suffer- 
ings of  the  amiable  Marie  Antoinette,  and  swore 
to  avenge  every  look  that  had  threatened  her 
with  insult.  I  went  to  the  cavern  of  these 
Anthropophagi,  assembled  to  debate,  and  grace- 
fully putting  the  hilt  of  my  sword  to  my  lips — 

(278). 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN'.  279 

^^  I  swear/*  cried  I,  "by  the  sacred  cross  of  my 
sword,  that  if  you  do  not  instantly  reinstate 
your  king  and  his  nobility,  and  your  injured 
queen,  I  will  cut  the  one-half  of  you  to  pieces." 

On  which  the  President,  taking  up  a  leaden 
inkstand,  flung  it  at  my  head.  I  stooped  to 
avoid  the  blow,  and  rushing  to  the  tribunal 
seized  the  Speaker,  who  was  fulminating  against 
the  Aristocrats,  and  taking  the  creature  by 
one  leg,  flung  him  at  the  President.  I  laid 
about  me  most  nobly,  drove  them  all  out  of 
the  house,  and  locking  the  doors  put  the  key 
in  my  pocket. 

I  then  went  to  the  poor  king,  and  making 
my  obeisance  to  him — "  Sire,"  said  I,  "  your 
enemies  have  all  fled.  I  alone  am  the  National 
Assembly  at  present,  and  I  shall  register  your 
edicts  to  recall  the  princes  and  the  nobility; 
and  in  future,  if  your  majesty  pleases,  I  will  be 
your  Parliament  and  Council."  He  thanked 
me,  and  the  amiable  Marie  Antoinette,  smiling, 
gave  me  her  hand  to  kiss. 

At  that  moment  I  perceived  a  party  of  the 
National  Assembly,  who  had  rallied  with  the 
National  Guards,  and  a  vast  procession  of  fish- 


280  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS   OF 

women,  advancing  against  me.  I  deposited 
their  Majesties  in  a  place  of  safety,  and  with 
my  drawn  sword  advanced  against  my  foes. 
Three  hundred  fishwomen,  with  bushes  dressed 
with  ribbons  in  their  hands,  came  hallooing 
and  roaring  against  me  like  so  many  furies. 
I  scorned  to  defile  my  sword  with  their  blood, 
but  seized  the  first  that  came  up,  and  making 
her  kneel  down  I  knighted  her  with  my  sword, 
which  so  terrified  the  rest  that  they  all  set  up 
a  frightful  yell  and  ran  away  as  fast  as  they 
could  for  fear  of  being  aristocrated  by  knight- 
hood. 

As  to  the  National  Guards  and  the  rest  of  the 
Assembly,  I  soon  put  them  to  flight ;  and  having 
made  prisoners  of  some  of  them,  compelled  them 
to  take  down  their  national,  and  put  the  old 
royal  cockade  in  its  place. 

I  then  pursued  the  enemy  to  the  top  of  a  hill, 
where  a  most  noble  edifice  dazzled  my  sight ; 
noble  and  sacred  it  was,  but  now  converted  to 
the  vilest  purposes,  their  monument  de  grands 
Jiommes,  a  Christian  church  that  these  Saracens 
had  perverted  into  abomination.  I  burst  open 
the  doors,  and  entered  sword  in  hand.     Here  I 


BAR  OK  MUNCHAUSEN,  281 

observed  all  the  National  Assembly  marching 
round  a  great  altar  erected  to  Voltaire  3  there 
was  his  statue  in  triumph,  and  the  fishwomen 
with  garlands  decking  it,  and  singing  ^^  ^a  ira!" 
I  could  bear  the  sight  no  longer;  but  rushed 
upon  these  pagans,  and  sacrificed  them  by  dozens 
on  the  spot.  The  members  of  the  Assembly, 
and  the  fishwomen,  continued  to  invoke  their 
great  Yoltaire,  and  all  their  masters  in  this  mon- 
ument de  grands  hommes,  imploring  them  to 
come  down  and  succor  them  against  the  Aristo- 
crats and  the  sword  of  Munchausen.  Their 
cries  were  horrible,  like  the  shrieks  of  witches 
and  enchanters  versed  in  magic  and  the  black 
art,  while  the  thunder  growled,  and  storms 
shook  the  battlements,  and  Rousseau,  Yoltaire, 
and  Beelzebub  appeared,  three  horrible  spectres; 
one  all  meagre,  mere  skin  and  bone,  and  cadav- 
erous, seemed  death,  that  hideous  skeleton ;  it 
was  Voltaire,  and  in  his  hand  were  a  lyre  and  a 
dagger.  On  the  other  side  was  Rousseau,  with  a 
chalice  of  sweet  poison  in  his  hand,  and  between 
them  was  their  father  Beelzebub. 

I  shuddered  at  the  sight,   and  with   all  the 


282  ORIGINAL    TRAVELS   OF 

enthusiasm  of  rage,  horror  and  piety,  rushed 
in  among  them.  I  seized  that  cursed  skeleton, 
Voltaire,  and  soon  compelled  him  to  renounce 
all  the  errors  he  had  advanced  ;  and  while  he 
spoke  the  words,  as  if  by  magic  charm,  the 
whole  assembly  shrieked,  and  their  pandemo- 
nium began  to  tumble  in  hideous  ruin  on  their 
heads.  • 

I  returned  in  triumph  to  the  palace,  where  the 
Queen  rushed  into  my  arms,  weeping  tenderly. 
"  Ah,  thou  flower  of  nobility,"  cried  she,  "  were 
all  the  nobles  of  France  like  thee,  we  should 
never  have  been  brought  to  this  !" 

I  bade  the  lovely  creature  dry  her  eyes,  and 
with  the  King  and  Dauphin  ascend  my  carriage 
and  drive  post  to  Mont-Medi,  as  not  an  instant 
was  to  be  lost.  They  took  my  advice  and  drove 
away.  I  conveyed  them  within  a  few  miles  of 
Mont-Medi,  when  the  King,  thanking  me  for 
my  assistance,  hoped  I  would  not  trouble  myself 
any  farther,  as  he  was  then,  he  presumed,  out  of 
danger ;  and  the  Queen  also,  with  tears  in  her 
eyes,  thanked  me  on  her  knees,  and  presented 
the  Dauphin  for  my  blessing.     In  short,  I  left 


^^Bm^ 


BAB  ON  MUNCHAUSEN.  283 


the  King  eating  a  mutton-chop.  I  advised  him 
not  to  delay,  or  he  would  certainly  be  taken,  and 
setting  spurs  to  my  horse,  wished  them  a  good 
evening  and  returned  to  England.  If  the  King 
remained  too  long  at  table,  and  was  taken,  it 
was  not  my  fault. 


RETURN  TO  the  circulation  desk  of  any 

University  of  California  Library 

or  to  the 

NORTHERN  REGIONAL  LIBRARY  FACILITY 
BIdg.  400,  Richnnond  Field  Station 
University  of  California 
Richmond,  CA  94804-4698 

ALL  BOOKS  MAY  BE  RECALLED  AFTER  7  DAYS 
2-month  loans  may  be  renewed  by  calling 

(415)642-6233 
1-year  loans  may  be  recharged  by  bringing  books 

to  NRLF 
Renewals  and  recharges  may  be  made  4  days 

prior  to  due  date 

DUE  AS  STAMPED  BELOW 


SEP   I  8  1989 


AUG  18  1989 


Santa  Cruz  Jitney 


]0      .J^JC.1%^ 


F/SilS725 


